April 25, 2008...9:19 am
organization
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I have a wedding to go to tonight, so I thought I’d put together a To Do List.
I hear that People Who Have Their Lives Together do these kinds of things, so I thought it might help me.
Enjoy.
To Do For Today:
(I think this is a good start - a title makes things Important)
- Make it through work without thinking too much about how I’m left-handed and I should get some kind of reward for that because it means I’m Unique and maybe even Awesome.
- Get cash out of ATM for booze, booze and some more booze. Also donuts.
- Memorize the lyrics to Return of the Mack because it is one of the greatest songs ever.
- Call Ari during lunch and recite memorized lyrics, once finished, wait for her to praise me.
- Once off work, give myself dap for A Job Well Done.
- Shower. Don’t forget behind the ears, people look there during weddings.
- Put on new suit.
- Smile at myself in the mirror because I look like a sexy beast. Or maybe just George Clooney.
- Get to the wedding On Time. This is What Adults Do.
- Try not to get too drunk.
- Having failed, try not to tell too many people that their shoes are ugly.
- Absorb Ari’s multiple discussions with me about “How to not be an asshole.”
- Go to after party.
- Drink more.
- Shake what my momma gave me.
- Catch cab home and try and prevent Ari from being mean to cabbie, like she always does when she’s wasted.
- Make grilled cheeses and Stuff Face.
- Go to sleep.
- Try and dream about being Batman.
- Wake up tomorrow and hate life.
I think that about covers it.
49 Comments
April 25, 2008 at 9:22 am
phoist!!!
April 25, 2008 at 9:29 am
Ok, first off please excuse the d-bag “phoist” comment I left above ^^^ I have to remember this is not collegehumor.com
And Return of the Mack is effing awesome! But that guy had a huge ego tho. I mean how can you praise yourself as a “Mack” who is “Returning” when that was your first (and only) hit song?! Anywho, I applaud you for even attempting to learn the words of that song tho… and I hope you realize that when you memorize that songs it’s gonna come out as a drunken slur later tonight when intoxicated! Just giving you the heads up
April 25, 2008 at 9:30 am
You forgot that you were hoping to catch the bouquet.
It’s a good thing I read this blog.
April 25, 2008 at 9:31 am
I love Return of the Mack.
April 25, 2008 at 9:43 am
I don’t understand.
So you’re going to a place where there will be people? On purpose? And you don’t start drinking until step 10?
April 25, 2008 at 9:47 am
Don’t forget to goose the bride.
They love that.
April 25, 2008 at 9:48 am
this list is very similar to my list for every weekend if you take out the wedding crap and replace return of the mack with young mc - bust a move.
April 25, 2008 at 9:51 am
Chris, you a very ambitious man. I am impressed.
April 25, 2008 at 10:04 am
Return of the Mack IS awesome. It came out on the radio right about the time I went through a breakup. It was my theme song when getting ready to go out for a long while. Ah… good times.
April 25, 2008 at 10:37 am
Return of the Mack is freaking P-I-M-P!
Have fun tonight!
April 25, 2008 at 10:50 am
aaron - That is a good point, but man I just love that song.
melissa - I knew I was forgetting something!
penelope - Of course!
justin - Hahaha - No, I’ll be drinking before then I’m sure of it.
kristen - Done.
julie - You are about as cool as it gets. Add in that you live in Pittsburgh and your coolness is overwhelming.
aimelina - Why thank you.
sassy - That’s what that song is made for. “You lied to me…” Get ‘em Mark!
allie - You know it! And thanks, I’m going to try.
April 25, 2008 at 11:03 am
so no drunken toast? How can there not be a drunken toast?
April 25, 2008 at 11:03 am
I knew I liked you…I’m left-handed too and spend many a day thinking about how unique and AWESOME that makes me.
Have a great night tonight and remember that #10 cannot precede 1-9, or else #12 will likely go on for days, only slightly changed because instead of avoiding asshole-ness, you will embody it.
April 25, 2008 at 11:08 am
I didn’t know you could get donuts from an ATM. That’s pretty kickass. The only food I ever got from one was a piece of gum stuck next to the keypad, and almost all the flavor was gone.
April 25, 2008 at 11:22 am
Organization
is how it’s spelled.
You’re welcome.
(Have a super time at the wedding please.)
April 25, 2008 at 11:25 am
These George Clooney delusions of yours never cease to amaze me.
April 25, 2008 at 11:39 am
Time to bust out that new suit! Check it, check it out. Have fun and definitely don’t forget behind the ears. The old ladies sitting behind you at the wedding will dog you all night.
April 25, 2008 at 11:41 am
when I read this, I first thought you wrote “Get booze from ATM” and I thought….holy hell I need to move to NYC right now so I can live in a world where automated machines dispense alcohol.
have fun
April 25, 2008 at 11:42 am
Left handed huh?
I’m sorry.
April 25, 2008 at 12:00 pm
You cook grilled cheese when you’re drunk? Sounds like trouble. Also sounds like the first thing you’ll puke up.
Good luck with the list.
April 25, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I’m wrong-handed as well and believe I should get some sort of monetary gift for all of the times I have tried to use power tools, sit in a desk in college or use a kitchen appliance (I’m looking at your can opener) and felt my life was endangered. 2,500 left-handed people die annually using right-handed products. I read that on a bathroom wall so it must be true.
April 25, 2008 at 12:18 pm
That may possibly be the best to do list I have ever laid eyes on!
except maybe #10…but you made up for it with 14, so I cant knock you.
April 25, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I hope you keep this list in your pocket all night! hahaha
Who can remember all that??
April 25, 2008 at 12:27 pm
You forgot “High five myself for being this effing funny”
April 25, 2008 at 12:31 pm
kelly t - I am banned from doing that.
rachel - You are very, very right.
fort knocks - Well, that was just rude of the person to leave gum without any flavor left.
kiala - You are nice to me.
jessica - What delusions???
1218 - Fucking old bitches.
ashley - Man, that would be sweet.
mindy - You’re jealous - obviously.
mickey - No way man, I make a mean one and it is soooo tasty.
nom - Oh it is. It is.
matt - Sweet. I’m trying.
jamie - It’s all in my head. Trust me.
keri - You’re right! And thanks!
April 25, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I envy your list.
April 25, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I really hate “RETURN OF THE MACK”… I mean really
April 25, 2008 at 12:53 pm
She said she’d never turn on me! Thanks for reminding me of that song. 2 points for you, sir!
April 25, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Sounds like a plan man.
April 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Wait a sec you have to pay for your booze at the wedding? Who doesn’t do open bar these days? Talk about total weaksauce. Anything other than top shelf liquor for free means I do not attend the wedding. I ain’t going if there ain’t nothing in it for me.
April 25, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I somehow doubt that Ari gets mean with the cabbie…
but mayhaps I am wrong?
April 25, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I don’t think I have ever not laughed at one of your posts, I love it. Have a grand ole time at le wedding.
April 25, 2008 at 1:57 pm
OK, that shouldn’t be a to do list just for today, that should be every single day!
April 25, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Don’t forget to touch the bride’s mother in inappropriate places.
April 25, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I’d skip right to the grilled cheese if I were you.
April 25, 2008 at 2:19 pm
good luck sticking to your list. and if all you do when you get drunk is tell people they have ugly shoes you’re pretty lucky. i would say much worse.
Lefties Unite!
April 25, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I agree with Mega. Cash bar is for suckers. Although it could be NO bar, like the wedding I went to in October. For realz. Dry wedding. It was a shame.
April 25, 2008 at 2:35 pm
ohmigod return of the mack! YES. the perfect wedding song, coupled with This is how we do it!
April 25, 2008 at 2:38 pm
That was an awesome list. I wish my day was that fun filled. Enjoy the wedding, but more importantly enjoy the grilled cheese. Mmmm.
April 25, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Ha, you hit just about all the points on that list. Have fun!
April 25, 2008 at 2:58 pm
big time - I’ll give you some of it if you want - you can have #19.
diva - No! Are you serious???
cruz - Any time!
dmb5 - It is, it is A Perfect Plan.
dan - No, no, no. The money is for after the wedding. It is open bar of course.
deutlich - She really does! It’s quite the scene.
katelin - Thanks! That was nice of you to say.
dutchess - You are so right.
rebecca - Adding that to the list…
noelle - But what about Mark Morrison???
notsojenny - No, it actually does get much worse, but I have to be An Adult because we’ll be around family. Lefty too??? You are awesome.
arielle - No, there is an open bar. Dry weddings would not see my face. You’re a better person than me.
tiff - Another classic! “All the gang bangers forgot about the drive by!”
lauren - I will! And thanks!
brookem - Oh yes I will do my best.
April 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I stole a Return of the MAck cd single from the campus radio station I used to work at.
In other news, I am lame.
April 25, 2008 at 4:21 pm
please drunk blog.
April 25, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I’m with Maxie for the drunk blog.
And do the drunk speech. You KNOW you want to.
April 26, 2008 at 4:54 pm
My friend loves Return of the Mack too. I actually requested it at a club once and then felt weird after. And weddings are meant for getting too drunk and not remembering what happened. I don’t really see any other reason for going to one.
April 26, 2008 at 10:42 pm
That is a FANTASTIC To-Do List!
I hope you didn’t hate yourself this morning.
April 26, 2008 at 11:49 pm
can’t WAIT to hear the follow-up post on this one.
April 28, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I hate to break it to you, but MILLIONS of people are left handed. You’re not unique. Awww…
May 1, 2008 at 1:39 pm
OMG that list is pure genious… except I’d rather dream about being Ivy but Batman world none the less
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