April 28, 2008...9:51 am
i’m an activist
I like to stand up for What I Believe In.
When issues come up - I will fight for What I Think Is Right until there is no fight left. Or maybe until the other person says something like, “Dude this is stupid.” Which means I’m right and I win.
And one of my newest causes is Getting Tyrannosaurus Rex’s The Respect They Deserve.
I am all in on this one.
If you call my phone, my voice mail says, “Hi, you’ve reached Chris. Don’t let anyone fool you - T’Rex’s were by far the best dinosaur ever.” Because I think a 29 year-old talking about T-Rexs on his message is A Good Thing.
The lack of respect all started with Jurassic Park.
Everyone loved that movie and really it was pretty cool because if there was an island where I could go see dinosaurs I think I might just pee my pants from excitement. But not too much because I think they can smell urine and I wouldn’t want them to attack me.
But Jurassic Park, while it did showcase a pretty cool T-Rex, gave the spot light to Velociraptors.
Let me burst everyone’s bubble when it comes to Raptors - okay? They had feathers. Feathers!
You know what a T-Rex says when he sees a dinosaur with feathers? Nothing - because he’s too busy eating it to say something witty.
And you know the ladies loved them some T-Rex. Those big legs weren’t only for running fast - if you know what I mean. I mean they could really get some thrusting power behind them. During sex.
No other dinosaur comes close to being as awesome as a T-Rex.
Okay, Stegosauruses were pretty cool because of that spiked tail, but they still weren’t the T-Rex.
Until the T-Rex gets the respect they deserve, I will not rest.
Well, maybe a little nap here and there, but for the most part I’ll be spreading the word in their defense.
So if you meet me and I start talking about T-Rexs, know that I am just Doing A Good Thing.
And I also may be drunk.
45 Comments
April 28, 2008 at 10:02 am
So to write about a T-Rex and sex.. I am assuming that you had to envision this first. yikes. thanks for that horrifying mental picture my friend.
April 28, 2008 at 10:12 am
They had to be sex machines. With those little arms, masturbating would be out of the question.
April 28, 2008 at 10:17 am
I had a greyhound named Tashi that I called T-Rex because of her long legs and her sheer awesomeness.
I’m all in on your cause.
I may also be drunk.
April 28, 2008 at 10:17 am
And I really, really miss that dog.
She’s extinct.
April 28, 2008 at 10:19 am
hahahahahahaha… I was just going to comment on their little arms too^^
Yeah those tiny arms must be annoying right?! But I’ll give it up, T-Rex’s are probably the coolest tho.
April 28, 2008 at 10:30 am
T-Rex? Seriously? He’s the big, bad guy, everyone knows that. Even though he has dinky arms, he’s always the villian. I think he’s given too much credit.
Koala Bears. Now there is an underrated animal. Those things are mean. They are cute so you go to pet one, and then BAM, your are missing an arm and your depth perception.
http://www.everygymsnightmare.com
April 28, 2008 at 10:32 am
Wait, this is the follow up post to the wedding right?
You know you can go to Cafepress and have some thong panties printed up with little sayings for your cause. Like Little Arms Turn Me On. I’d buy them to support your cause.
April 28, 2008 at 11:03 am
Wow. Sometimes I’m scared of the way your mind works…
April 28, 2008 at 11:28 am
Are you drunk right now? Be honest.
April 28, 2008 at 11:40 am
yeah, are you drunk?
April 28, 2008 at 11:50 am
you get credit for mentioning the stegasaurus (one of the coolest sauruses/sauri). but i think we all know the triceratops is Da Bomb! i always did my dinoreports on them (unless that little bastard scott picked it, then i went for the stega).
the best part about the t-rex? the little arms. makes them more huggable
April 28, 2008 at 11:53 am
I’m so glad you went the distance and told us exactly what those big T-Rex legs were for.
April 28, 2008 at 11:53 am
So how exactly is T-Rex more awesome than Spinosaurus? Oh, I guess you didn’t know that T-Rex isn’t even in his league, son!
April 28, 2008 at 11:54 am
Your headspace is an interesting place, indeed.
April 28, 2008 at 11:56 am
hahahaha.. ps? That above comment from truthbomb was me
thaz what I get for NOT logging outta wordpress.. blah.
I just started an acct w/them (w/my own username).. we’ll see where this may lead. Probably nowhere.
*ahem*
April 28, 2008 at 11:58 am
wooh! now i’m logged in as myself.
i is smart
aaand spamming your comments
my bad.
April 28, 2008 at 11:58 am
In Florida there’s a little place called Dinosaur World where you get to walk through a wilderness of life size dinosaur statues. I went there for my 23rd birthday. It was beyond amazing.
The T-Rex was awesome, I do admit that…but the brachiosaurus? Sheer awesomeness.
April 28, 2008 at 12:03 pm
The tricerotops was the coolest of the plant-eating ones. They make up for being a vegetarian by having bad-ass hornage.
April 28, 2008 at 12:09 pm
T-Rexes don’t have respect? They have my respect! They’re badass. I’m a big fan of the Stegasaurus though, because they’re pointy and I’m amused by interesting shapes and shiny things. But I mean, if I had to be a dinosaur I would totally be a T-rex and kick everyone’s asses just because I can.
April 28, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I don’t like how Jurassic Park almost made the T-Rex out to be the hero at the end. T-Rex’s are badasses not hero’s.
April 28, 2008 at 12:32 pm
dude. when i was like, 7, my dad went on a business trip over seas and brought me back this HUGE blowup t-rex. I’m not kidding. the thing was so big his head touched the ceiling. and i loved it.
i have no idea why i just shared there. or, even why my dad would ever buy his little girl who loved barbies and my little ponies and GIANT BLOW UP T-REX. he tried to do good.
but he did. and i loved it. thank you for writing this post and making me remember good ole rexie. now, you can commence being jealous for the toy i had, and you did not growing up.
April 28, 2008 at 12:37 pm
It’s true, the Rex was the badass our our childhood. Then Michael Crighton ruined it for us all with his stupid raptors. Then, on top of that, scientists decided that they had the Rex’s standing position wrong, and made him bend over.
Next thing you know Pluto isn’t a planet, and I don’t know what to believe anymore.
April 28, 2008 at 12:38 pm
okay 1st–”You know what a T-Rex says when he sees a dinosaur with feathers? Nothing - because he’s too busy eating it to say something witty.”–was the funniest thing I’ve read today. Made me laugh out loud.
(I would have said hands down the funniest thing, but that’s not very far to a T-Rex.)
And to Lauren–I live about 40 minutes away from mentioned “Dinosaur World” AND 90 minutes from the “Jurassic Park” at Universal Studios.
I know everyone wants to be me right now….
April 28, 2008 at 12:50 pm
What did I ever do on Monday mornings before I had you to make me think of T-Rexs as sexual beings?
April 28, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’d eat you if you had feathers too.
Good thing I’m not a T-Rex.
April 28, 2008 at 1:02 pm
aimelina - Hahaha - you’re welcome.
justin - Yes, you know what I’m talking about.
kristen - Good, I knew I could count on you. And RIP Tashi.
aaron - Yeah, they are.
kelly - Australia’s tourism board is gonna be pissed at you for uncovering the real truth about their beloved bear.
melissa - Done.
sassy - Likewise.
mindy - Not for a Monday!
matt - Don’t tell my bosses.
notsojenny - I’m just glad you said “Da Bomb” in a comment on my blog.
nancypearl - I am thorough.
marcos - You crazy.
deutlich - Hahaha - no apologies needed.
lauren - I’m coming to the next trip.
ben - Yes, I consider myself the tricerotops of the blogging world.
arielle - Me and you both! Or is it you and I?
julie - Yes! That’s a good point!
barbie - I am sooo jealous it makes me want to hurt myself.
noelle - Yes, scientists can go to hell. Even though they think it doesn’t exist.
rachel - Thanks! And I know I do.
nicole - Hahaha - nothing worthwhile that’s for sure.
meghan - Lucky me indeed!
April 28, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I prefer the brachiosaurus.
Because I do.
April 28, 2008 at 1:09 pm
How come we never call them TREX? I’m really not afraid of anything called T-rex, but I’d be peeing my pants at a TREX.
April 28, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Drunk people rants are the best kind.
April 28, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I think I love you.
April 28, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I would just like to now where these thoughts come from? Because dude seriously you’re hilarious.
April 28, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I once had a dream that I was in love with a T-Rex.
April 28, 2008 at 3:50 pm
at the point of reading “But not too much because I think they can smell urine and I wouldn’t want them to attack me.” I about peed my pants! Freaking funny!
Oh and Jurassic Park IS the best movie ever! I seriously think I watched it 400x in Elementry and JH….which at that time in my young innocent life made me pee my pants every time I saw that poor goat get snatched up by your infamous T-Rex…so sad.
April 28, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Raptors had feathers? That’s pretty wussy.
You make me giggle.
April 28, 2008 at 4:11 pm
T-Rex is gay.
April 28, 2008 at 4:25 pm
kiala - You are so difficult sometimes.
rs27 - Really? I think rex is much more intimidating.
larissa - Right, but I’m not drunk. Well, not yet at least.
hills - I need a nice wedding, just letting you know.
lissa - So would I. And thanks!
stephanie - That was no dream.
allie - Thanks - and that goat had it coming to him. He talked shit on that T-Rex.
freeandflawed - Yes, I know - terrible right? They conveniently left that little bit out of Jurassic Park. And thanks!
mickey - You lie!
April 28, 2008 at 4:51 pm
i liked the brontosaurus
April 28, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Hmmm… Guess I had that coming. But it’s okay. I’m scared of how my mind works too… I just try to hide the crazy in my non-blog life.
(course you only know me from my blog. maybe. if you read it. course I doubt it.)
ummm… gonna stop typing now and walk away.
April 28, 2008 at 5:42 pm
So I’m hoping (my fingers are crossed) that you are going to start a new blog or make this blog solely dedicated to respecting T-rex’s. You could rewrite the words to Respect for the theme song. Just an idea.
April 29, 2008 at 2:06 am
My money is on drunk but I’m sure teh TRex appreciates your efforts.
April 29, 2008 at 8:20 am
hollywood - Loser.
sassy - Hahaha - No - I meant “likewise” as in I wonder about myself too. I’m not good at writing.
megkathleen - I like the way you think.
sid - He does, he told me so in a dream.
April 29, 2008 at 11:19 am
Dude. Seriously. Just seriously.
Also, even though it’s forever away, you have to guest blog for me when I go to Florida in June. It’s totally not debatable either.
April 29, 2008 at 12:52 pm
you have way too much “alone thinking time.” way.
April 29, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I hate to burst your bubble, but there is a growing number of paleontologists who propose the Tyranosaurs also had feathers.
There’s also a huge number of folks who think that Tyranosaurus also was simply a scavenger, not the badass muthahfucking hunting and killing machine that they’ve been made out to be.
Also…there’s a lot of people who think that Velociraptors did not, actually, have feathers.
But, stand tall, man. Stand tall. We all gotta fight for something.
April 29, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Were you drunk when you posted this? Because that could be your excuse for the over-explanation of the T-Rex sexy times.
Or you could just be into dinosaur porn.
Either way.
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