May 9, 2008...8:50 am
overrated
Yup, I see you.
On the treadmill looking like the best thing that ever happened to a gym.
Got the sports bra and the tiny shorts on again, huh?
Okay, I guess I have to be the one to tell you - you are not as amazing as you think you are.
I know! How can this be??? You are thin, yes. But understand something, this does not mean you are hot.
Nope.
No, really, it doesn’t.
See, men like women who - oh I don’t know - look like women, not little boys. Well, yes, some men do like little boys but that guy on NBC takes care of those creeps. I never understood why they’d just stand around and talk to the guy after he busted them. Run! The gig is up! Go damnit! Oh well.
Oh, what are those? Gloves? Yes, that’s a nice touch for sure. There’s nothing I like more than a woman who wears weight lifting gloves to the gym.
It only scares me a little.
Also, maybe you could take some time and address the fact that I can see your fucking ribs and it makes me want to vomit. Eat a fucking burger for god’s sake. Not even for his sake, do it for me because I’m the one who sees you in the gym everyday and despite what they say, God does not see everything, he takes naps more than he should.
I know, this is a lot to hear at once.
Maybe if you didn’t walk around the gym half-naked and had some more curves, I would not have to be so hard on you.
What’s that? No, your shoes are ugly too.
Sorry.
60 Comments
May 9, 2008 at 9:00 am
*Starts a slow clap*
May 9, 2008 at 9:08 am
it’s good that you like a woman with some curves - like this, right?:
http://mindydoesmpls.blogspot.com/2007/02/lydia-hearst-ewwww.html
yeah, i thought so.
May 9, 2008 at 9:12 am
The gym on our most pretentious street is reserved for roid-popping meatheads who go to strut around and drink water rather than actually work out. This has attracted the girls who show up with make-up on and dangling earrings flying all over the place why they try to stairmaster their way to dates.
And we wonder why I try to exercise without going to the gym…
May 9, 2008 at 9:21 am
Ooh - I hate that and I also hate when girls work out with their hair down. seriously - put it in a ponytail. The gym is not the place to look cute. You sweat, you smell… and if you don’t? Go the fuck home because you’re using the treadmill I want!
May 9, 2008 at 9:27 am
Uhm.. I second this notion. Freaks me the hell out to see a chick with NO meat on her bones.
I mean, doesn’t that hurt when it comes down to the horizontal mambo? Who’d wanna fuck a skeleton?
May 9, 2008 at 9:28 am
Agreed.
And also, how about the meathead dudes who wear the wicked oversized satin-y adidas pants, with a toooo tight wife beater, way too much cologne and the spiked slash overly geled hair?
I LOVE that look.
May 9, 2008 at 9:33 am
Yeah, I hate the gym during rush hour. Cause there is always “those people”.
May 9, 2008 at 9:36 am
What’s a gym?
May 9, 2008 at 9:49 am
I have a similar girl at my gym only worse. She sassays around to each machine talking to all the guys then goes back to her “weight lifting” with her skinny no ass! Irks the hell out of me. And I don’t need to see her camel toe in her tight little spandex short shorts. Yick!
May 9, 2008 at 9:50 am
i heart you!
good job Ari, good job.
May 9, 2008 at 9:56 am
i have an idea how about i eat a cheeseburger for this girl. that will probably be the most exercise i’ve done in a few months.
May 9, 2008 at 10:15 am
In Portland, the only thing the Eastside hipsters like are girls who look like boys. I’m like the anti-girl to them.
It hurts me. And then I eat a sandwich.
May 9, 2008 at 10:30 am
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon!
May 9, 2008 at 10:31 am
Exactly why I work out in my little gym at home. No one goes down there because they would rather go to the gym to put on a show! Sorry but I would rather work out in a room alone, I get more done and I can do all of those obscene moves that hurt like a b*tch but also contort my body into sexual position and guess what…no one is starting me down with their clock pointing to noon! YES, that was very much a Metaphor!!
and yes Skeletors are sick! Mama got back!
May 9, 2008 at 10:37 am
Haterrrrrrrrrrrr.
Haha. Yeah, man. Let’s start a kitty to buy those broads some burgers.
May 9, 2008 at 10:55 am
if i actually went to a gym i’m be sad thinking you were talking about me.
Be Nice to Skinny Girls! damnit… we’re not any happier with our bodies than the chubby girls are. why do you think she’s at the gym? yeesh.
May 9, 2008 at 10:57 am
aaron - I’m taking a bow. Kind of.
mindy - Oh my god! What the hell? I like how you called her tits raisins.
ben - People are fucking insane at the gym, no doubt about it.
mrstwink - Hahaha - exactly!
deutlich - Right. More cushion for the pushin. I’ve always wanted to say that on my blog.
brookem - Oh yes, I get plenty of them too.
sassy - And people in general.
justin - A place of magical and mysterious things. Like ball sweat.
1218 - Hahaha - camel toe can be disgusting, but sometimes I like it. I know! Yes, I said it.
each - Thanks. Ari is proud of me sometimes.
julie - I’ll let her know of your idea.
kiala - You are doing the right thing.
marcos - Sing it sister!
allie - Your use of metaphors is amazing. Also, please tell me you’ve never actually had that happen to you.
brooklyn - Hating is what I do best!
jenny - It’s fine if you’re skinny - just don’t act like you’re hot shit because you are - that’s what my point is. And I wouldn’t make fun of you - you like sports and are left handed!
May 9, 2008 at 10:58 am
My gym is full of women in sports bras and short shorts but they are obese. You’d love it, they definitely don’t deny themselves hamburgers and they are PROUD OF IT.
May 9, 2008 at 11:03 am
hurrah for you! although i’m not sure if men use the word ‘curvy’ in the same way as womens magazines do - that is to describe celebrities bigger than a (UK) size 10. THAT’S NOT CURVY. If something doesn’t wobble then it shouldn’t be classed as curvy.
May 9, 2008 at 11:07 am
now this is a touchy subject for the girls. i’m not even gonna go there cause it’ll end up being the longest comment ever.
but i know those girls well.
and no, i’m not one of them gag.
but i could write a whole post about the meathead douches that do the same shit at the gym. “oooooo look at my bulging biceps! too bad my penis had shrunk to the size of a mini wienie due to my steroid use”
May 9, 2008 at 11:21 am
At my gym there are a lot of overweight people in tiny shorts. I kind of like this, because if one of these individuals gets on the treadmill next to me, I immediately look like I’m much better off than I really am.
Now, when one of these incredibly skinny girls you mention gets on the treadmill next to me, I look like an overweight person in tiny shorts.
It’s all about perspective.
May 9, 2008 at 11:22 am
sadly I can’t give you the pleasure. College boys obviously don’t care who sees there flag full staff.
I will give them a small break though, due to all the blood pumping during their hard work out! Maybe they hadn’t learned control yet.
May 9, 2008 at 11:26 am
Wait wait…weight lifting gloves on the treadmill? Not hot. It’s fine for the skinnies to be at the gym rather than the Arby’s (body insecurities come in all sizes, I suppose), but goddamn. Don’t make me count your ribs instead of my crunches.
May 9, 2008 at 11:35 am
I love you.
May 9, 2008 at 11:39 am
Oh, I was going to say that I love you. And then Rachel beat me to it by three minutes. Damn you, breakfast!
I love you.
What a great post. And the guys who agree, I love all of you. I have so much love, it makes my hips big. Right? Not cheeseburgers.
May 9, 2008 at 11:40 am
I wonder if I could send this to my 95 lb coworker anonymously? Yesterday, (while she was wearing Marc Jacobs kids clothes) she was showing off her arm “muscles” to me. Yep…I’ll just print this out and leave in her inbox…
May 9, 2008 at 11:50 am
I really thought that first sentence was going to end ” baby, shakin’ that ass, shakin’ that ass.”
On a side note. bravo.
May 9, 2008 at 11:55 am
Oh I hate these type of women! Did she have makeup on too? I bet she did.
You might be my hero. Hey I’ll make t-shirts! The shirts will have T-rexs on them!
May 9, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I can’t believe no one commented on god taking naps. That was classic.
Also, weight lifting gloves have no place in society, let alone on the treadmill. I mean, was she holding on or something? Because that’s the worst, when people set it way faster than they can physically go and then have to hold on for dear life. But when they fall - now that’s the best.
May 9, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Thank you! I have lots of ultra-skinny friends and none of them starve themselves (they’re just those fortunate people with super-fast metabolisms), but given society’s overwhelming preference for skinny, I do not feel in the least bit bad about there being one tiny voice in support of curves over visible ribs. Hollah!
May 9, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Ok, here’s you:
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
‘Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
Right?
May 9, 2008 at 12:29 pm
nancypearl - Hmm… I don’t know if I’d love it…
pinkjelly - If something doesn’t wobble then it shouldn’t be classed as curvy. Hahaha - classic.
alexa - Please write that post!
hollywood - You’re like a sage, or maybe just a nice blogger.
allie - What??? That is insane.
megan - Yes, ribs should not be seen, that’s the fucking truth.
rachel - Thanks! I’m wearing a nice shirt today.
melissa - Thanks to you too! Hips are a good thing.
megkathleen - Put a six pack of nuggets in there too.
rs27 - Damn, sorry to let you down. Next post - I promise! And thanks man.
lissa - If you make the t-shirt I will wear it and post a pic of me wearing it on here.
ari - You love me. I would love to see someone fall, but sadly, have not yet.
laurie - I am the voice of reason! Well, sometimes.
kristen - That’s only the beginning.
May 9, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I love that someone already quoted Baby Got Back. That’s enough for me, I don’t even have to comment myself.
May 9, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I lol’d. Man, gyms must be weird places!
May 9, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Your blog only reinforces my thoughts on never joining a gym…ever.
Also, ew ribs.
May 9, 2008 at 12:56 pm
I want to say the complete opposite to this one chick that goes to the gym my friend owns. She defines hotness. I’m not making any promises but i’ll try to take a pic of her. Stay tuned for those…
May 9, 2008 at 1:03 pm
you know what’s fun?
watching those meatheads watch themselves in the mirror and then laughing at them. the facial expressions are great.
May 9, 2008 at 1:14 pm
you ready for what happened to me at the gym yesterday?
(i usually wear a wife beater and yoga pants by the way-not like its important)
BUT i was on the elliptical with my earbuds in and some 5 foot nothing guy with big muscles to over compenstate hops on the one next to me. He looks at me, which i can see out of the corner of my eye, but i dont look back, and he crans his neck and taps my elliptical screen. i look at him and he just smiles and does that stupid “sup” head nod. I give him a pissed/offended/ rude look and go back to ellipticalling. He proceeds to elliptical FULL FORCE- im talking machine tipping, grunting, arms flailing ellipticalling here. He tires out after 5 minutes and then hops off.
I hated him.
May 9, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I also like when guys in the free weight room correct my form because they think if they show they are smarter than me i will fall madly in love with them.
Then i tell them that i am a trainer and if straighten my arm any further that i am putting myself at risk for impingment syndrome.
They dont like that so much.
May 9, 2008 at 1:20 pm
THAT’S why i never go to the gym. Because when at the gym, I wear comfortable work out clothes. I don’t wear shorts that end up being underwear. And I’m definitely not 80lbs. I go and the girls like that look at me like I’m crazy. Like I shouldn’t be out in public because I’m…sweating.
Girls like that are stupid. Glad you agree.
May 9, 2008 at 1:52 pm
What do you mean IF I want to have a tractor showdown? Can we have one PLEEEEASE? Why didn’t we think of this like…yesterday? I say we do it in Times Square.
First things first…where does one get a tractor around here?
May 9, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Oh man, the same thing goes for the extra super beefed up guys at the gym on ‘roid rage that ingest nothing but vitamins and protein shakes.
May 9, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Your judgement is the reason us scrawny gals don’t go to the gym. That and laziness.
May 9, 2008 at 2:16 pm
nicole - That was nice of you to comment anyway.
nico - Thanks! They really are.
jessica - Yes, ew sums it up pretty nicely.
cruz - I will be.
raych - Hahaha - nice!
kelly - Man, this is another reason why I feel bad for women in the gym. Seriously, I see that kinda stuff happen all the fucking time.
lauren - Right. You are supposed to fucking sweat.
arielle - I’ll look into it.
bigtime - Yes. I agree completely.
meghan - I try and judge everyone equally. I really do!
May 9, 2008 at 4:59 pm
some dudes like chicks who look like boys.
go figure.
and yay for real boobies and a great ass!
May 9, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I’m glad you like real women… but i think if I just wore a sports bra like her you’d still get sick… so really tops for everyone?
May 9, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I don’t wear sports bras (at least not on their own), I don’t wear spandex, I don’t wear shorts, and I don’t do looking like a twiglet.
Woot!
Also, my runners rock.
May 9, 2008 at 5:57 pm
you seriously rock, i love it.
May 9, 2008 at 7:15 pm
heyyyyyyy…….
what’s so bad about tiny shorts?
May 9, 2008 at 8:23 pm
you’re my favorite ever, if for no other reason then this post. i’m not an advocate of “cushin”, im big on toned and curvy, not little boy. and? you just reminded me how thankful i am to have weights and a treadmill in my house.
May 9, 2008 at 10:58 pm
You want to know what I hate more than the women who wear just a sports bra? The women who get dressed up in OUTFITS and makeup and their hair done… to go to the gym. They are the worst.
May 10, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Ah. I’m a skinny girl too. Thinking I should probably cancel my gym membership…
May 10, 2008 at 5:15 pm
“I know this is a lot to hear at once.” Hahahaha…
May 10, 2008 at 5:46 pm
This is why I wear baggy clothes when I work out.
May 11, 2008 at 12:47 am
You might be my favorite person, ever.
May 11, 2008 at 2:36 pm
too funny! I know that being a feminist means appreciating other women’s decisions even if they don’t coincide with my own but still, when I see these girls in booty shorts and push-up bras on the treadmill, it makes me want to cry and scream.
May 12, 2008 at 7:22 am
But wait, you said God doesn’t see everything and takes more naps then he should! (blink blink)
*dead*
May 12, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Im in with the slow clap too (too late to make that comment an original :))
love.
May 13, 2008 at 2:58 pm
oh man, Chris, I know I’m really late chiming in.. but my gym is basically the college gym here in my town and all these teeny tiny little girls make me want to gag. I wish they would stop hanging out at the gym and start going to the mess hall more often. When will they learn that the majority of men like a little meat (at least a little!)? Sorry.. I identified with your rant.
May 14, 2008 at 7:02 am
Curvy girls throughout the land-myself included-say thank you thank you thank you!
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