all good things

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I leave the toilet seat up.

When the Steelers are playing, everything else ceases to matter.

I tend to forget about things that don’t involve me.

I firmly believe that if you do not like Robocop, there is something severely wrong with your soul.

I swear often, because nothing is more effective than a well placed “god fucking dammit!”

At dinner parties and Adult Gatherings, I can always be counted on to say at least three Inappropriate Things.

The only way I will not love my offspiring is if they do not love sports.  They will be dumped on the nearest street corner if they can’t tell me what a Cover 2 is by the time they’re five.

I yell about Things That Don’t Matter when I’m drunk.

I voice my opinion when it’s not wanted or asked for.

I have referred to my left and right fists as “deterrents to robbery.”

When a movie comes on HBO, and it lists “Nudity” as one of the things found in the feature, I get excited.

I wrestle with my dog by slamming him on the bed and pushing him around, then complain when he bites me every time he gets excited.

I like to judge first, then ask questions.

I often answer questions with, “I don’t know,” even when I do know, because I don’t feel like talking anymore.

When faced with Awkward Situations, I tend to act as immature as possible.

And somehow, after all of that – she still said yes.

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Tags: getting married is a great way to fish for comments, I refuse to say fiancée, I'm quite the catch