Working in a large office building can be odd.
You spend all this time with these people from other offices and floors, and you never actually interact with them unless the elevator is involved somehow. You’re either waiting for the elevator or in the elevator when you see them.
You nod at some.
You scoff at others.
And still some evoke huge amounts of Internal Rage, like that lady who always breathes really loud even though you’re fucking positive she doesn’t have asthma.
My building is an especially odd one, because our elevators are terrible. I’m pretty sure they were the third elevators ever made, because they don’t even have the up and down markers so you know which way the thing is going when it comes to your floor.
As you can imagine, this has led to me getting on the elevator going up, instead of down, plenty of times.
The latest incident happened last night. I got on the elevator and it started going up, which immediately made me scream, “Fucking shit fuck!” Once whoever was at the top floor got on, they would know that I am an idiot because I got on going up. Also, we’d be stopping at my floor before we went down to the lobby.
When the elevator got to the top floor, a woman stepped on, and the following awkwardness ensued.
Me: [Smiling] “Well hello.”
Woman Who Is Smarter Than Me: [Giving me a puzzled look] “Oh, uh, hi.”
[The elevator begins to go down. All is silent.]
[I look at the numbers because that is What I'm Supposed To Do.]
Me: “Just to let you know, we’ll be making a brief stop at the eighth floor.”
Woman Who Is Smarter Than Me: [Confused, she looks at me] “What? Oh. Okay.”
Me: “Yeah, I got on going up. This isn’t the first time either. I like to think of it as an adventure, you know, ‘oooh, will I be going up or down today? Who can tell???’ That kind of thing. I live life on the edge.”
[The elevator arrives at the eight floor, the door opens and no one is there. The door closes and we continue down.]
Me: “I hear there’s some pretty good people who work on that floor. Stunning decor too.”
Woman Who Is Smarter Than Me: [With a charity laugh] “Ha. Yes, right.”
[We arrive at the lobby and we both exit. Her: A little more annoyed at working in our building. Me: Just glad that she didn't notice my zipper was down.]