My girlfriend and I are drinking a good bottle of wine and checking out the Grammy’s, so I thought I’d take advantage of the moment and share some thoughts about the show and music in general with you. It’s kind of like a ‘live-blog,’ but I’ll probably stop when I get bored – but either way – here we go.
-I’m in love with Alicia Keys. I don’t think she could do anything wrong in my eyes. She could push an old man in front of a bus, and I’d shrug it off, “Well, let’s be honest, he was asking for it – being all old and everything.”
-My girlfriend loves when she sees Carrie Underwood on tv. The line everytime? “Ya know she’s a tri sig.” Yeah, I get it. She’s in the same sorority as you. I get it. She loves saying it though. She raises her eyebrows as she says it though, thinking, “Here’s a little something for my dumb boyfriend.”
-Prince just needs to stop it. Just enough already dude. How old is Prince? He’s gotta be like 74. And he’s still making semi-catchy funky songs while wearing the ugliest outfits around. Enough is enough Prince. You know it’s still somehow not okay to say you don’t like Prince. I don’t like him. Go away Prince. Yeah, I’ll still yell along to “little red corvette” at the bar when I’m 10 beers in, but other than that, I’m over it.
-Rihanna. My girlfriend summed it up perfectly – “Can she sing another song aside from ‘Umbrella?’ She also noted that Beyonce probably hates her. I agree. Beyonce should bitch-slap her backstage.
-When is Tom Hanks next movie coming out? Is he even doing anything anymore? It doesn’t matter. Whatever he does will probably be “moving” and “epic” and “thrilling.” The dude seems to just know what movies people will love. Man, he is raving about the Beatles. That’s another band I don’t like – the Beatles. I can hear people clicking away from my blog right now…
-Cindi Lauper! Man, she doesn’t look so good. Like she was puking in a trash can right before the show and thought, “Aw what the hell, I’ll go on away.” She must have an album coming out or something. You know she was begging to get on the show. Probably pulled the Karma Chameleon card on the producers.
-I’m a Kanye fan. Yeah, he’s an asshole, but he makes some really good music. He’s performing “Stronger” off his latest album, and it sounds pretty good. A lot of the time hip-hop doesn’t sound that great live, but this sounds pretty good. Oh snap! Daft Punk (the guys who the song is sampled from) just showed up rocking some outfits straight from Tron. I love Tron, I just went nuts over that movie when I was kid. Now he’s doing the song, “Hey Mama.” Gotta feel for Kanye having lost his Mom way too early.
-I fucking hate Fergie. She ruined one of the best hip-hop groups out there and now she’s making horrible music for all to hear. Plus, she’s ugly. C’mon, she is. If I saw her on the street, first I’d tell her that she doesn’t have any talent, then I’d punch her in the neck for ruining the Black Eyed Peas. I’m very mature.
It’s been an hour and I think I’m done with watching the Grammy’s. Okay, sorry, one last thought – Ringo looks exactly the same. I mean, exactly. He’s still rocking the same wierd sunglasses, haircut and semi-shaved beard. Let’s move on Ringo, it’s time for something new my friend.
Alright, I’m out. Tomorrow is Monday and Monday means sadness.