One of the worst situations to ever be caught in, is riding the elevator with someone from work that you kinda know.
Of course, it just happened to me now.
I stepped into an empty elevator, all set to enjoy a solo ride to my floor, when in walks Coworker Dude. Now, it’d be fine if I didn’t know him at all, but because I’ve said, “hey” to him a couple times when passing by him in our office, The Rules of Life dictate that I must speak to this man during our ride, despite how I’d much rather continue rocking out to “Word Up” on my iPhone.
And so the dance begins.
Me: “So, what do you think about all this Clemens stuff? You following that at all?”
Coworker Dude: “No, not really.”
[mad awkward silence for what seems to be about half-an-hour]
Me: “Yeah, well, it’ll be nice to get out early today if all the stories get in for the deadline.”
Coworker Dude: “Yeah.”
At this point I’m ready to punch this dude in the face. I just put my stupid ass out there and tried to make this godawful elevator ride a little less uncomfortable, and this fucker has done nothing but make it worse.
Thankfully, just when I’m about to fly into a blind rage, our floor comes up.
The next time this happens to me, I’m just going to spout an endless stream of facts, so that there is no gap in conversation and there is no need for the other person to speak.
Me: “Lions are the second largest cat after the tiger.”
[Coworker looks at me, wondering if I’m talking to him]
Me: “Rubber bands last longer when you put them in the fridge.”
Coworker: [Confused and slightly agitated] “Uh, are you talking to”
Me: [Cutting him off] “There’s no Betty Rubble in Flintstones Vitamins.”
[Our floor comes up]
Me: “Well, have a good one.”
[Victory is mine]