disclosure

If any of you have been to the Trader Joe’s here, you know that all the cashiers are extremely friendly.

I don’t know if this is the way it is everywhere, but the one here in New York, they talk to you while they bag your crap.

They seem genuinely interested in the things going on in your life.

Normally, I’d rather not make small talk. I’m just not that kinda dude. But today, when my girlfriend and I went to get all our groceries, I found myself having a conversation with the guy bagging our stuff.

I had just bought a pair of shoes, and he started commenting on them, and I was exchanging pleasant replies the entire time – you know, it’s called Being a Nice Person.

Then he told me about his feet.

He told me that his feet were really small (size 5) and that they had, “huge, protruding bunions” on them from “years of ballet.”

I nodded. I looked at my feet.

Then he told me that his left foot was “much longer than his right” and they looked like “little clubs.”

I said, “Oh. Really?” Because, what the fuck are you supposed to say to something like that? “Little clubs???” What the fuck???

I also, at this point, realized why I don’t like people.

As he said “little clubs” he balled his hands up and held them up side-by-side to me. This, I guess, was the visual aid of his Foot Presentation.

The rest of our encounter went by in an awkward silence.

He knew that he had – perhaps – told me a little bit too much, and I knew – without a doubt – that I would never look at feet the same way again.

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “disclosure

  1. Ew. Who tells people that?!

  2. Ok, now I know which cashier to avoid on my next trip Joe’s.
    Aren’t the lines are amazingly long in that store?

  3. jamie – I know. I try and be nice to people and this is what I get.

    frances – super fucking long lines. All the time. It is hell.

  4. “Huge Protruding Bunions” would be a good name for a band.

    So would “Little Clubs”.

    Things they’re not good for? Conversations with strangers. NAST.

  5. Haha! That’s disgusting. The cashiers at TJ’s in Boston are superrr friendly too. They always ask me what I’m cooking and make me give them my recipes. But, um, they usually don’t tell me about their feet 😡

  6. Awwwk-waaard. Ha. I think using his hands to visually represent his fit puts that officially over-the-top. Officially.

    BTW, the dunk contest was so good I almost didn’t mind being stuck inside working all weekend …

  7. Yeah, thats a little far too much info when picking up your cornflakes and milk.

    My favourite ones are always when cashiers are surprised at prices for items from.there.own.store.

  8. R-i-g-h-t…because a discussion about feet and “huge protruding bunions” are common while one is food shopping…

    I feel like not only will you never look at feet the same way again, but you will also look at that Trader Joe’s a little differently now too…I hope you remember his face, so you know which line NOT to get into the next time…

  9. tiff

    yea, it’s a schtick they do. And every time I go in there I’m buying like five bottles of wine, a bar of chocolate and some cheese, and the cashier is all “you having a party?” and I’m like, “no, just me. It’s been a long day.” Then they give me their worried face…

  10. j-money – Hahaha – I could see “Huge Protruding Bunions” rocking the house, Green Day-esque. “Little Clubs” sounds like a euro-pop band, featuring a platinum blonde lead singer belting out hits eerily-similar to Dancing Queen.

    susie – recipes? Socially acceptable. Bunion feet? Not.

    brooklyn – the dunk contest is back! When Howard revealed his superman shirt, I fucking went nuts. And Green’s cupcake dunk was ridiculous as well.

    the boy – Or when there’s no price coming up and they say, “I guess it’s free!” Yes. I’ve heard that joke a million fucking times. Enough.

    boogiemonsta – for sure. I’ll refuse to go to his station. I’ll make a huge scene, and people will stare, but at least I won’t be hearing about “ballet feet.”

    tiff – hahaha good for you. Next time you should say something like, “I don’t like myself anymore.” Let them marinate on that one.

  11. I was going to say that I hate cashiers who don’t even acknowledge me standing there. But after hearing this? I think I’ll be okay never hearing a story like this.

  12. arielle

    I cannot believe I missed this conversation.

  13. free and flawed – Yes. It’s always better to not have a conversation than to have to go through something like this.

    arielle – You’re better off having missed it. Trust me.

  14. This is why I love New York. Because (over)sharing is caring in this city! But yeah, feet convo = weird.

  15. EW. WTF?

    Also, I know why everyone at Trader Joe’s is so happy. Did you know they make a shit-ton of money for bagging your stuff and chatting with you?

  16. arielle – yeah, at least you always have a good story to tell from living here.

    hollywood – I heard that. But shit, I would never do it. Of course, as we all know, I’m not that friendly, so I’m sure I’d end up getting fired after the first hour or so.

  17. Our TJ’s checkers are EXACTLY the same. And they’re all natural hipsters…which are much worse than regular hipsters.

    Except!

    One time, I was buying chicken breasts and I asked to have them put in a plastic bag because, I said to her, “I’m a little OCD about raw chicken.” And she said, “Well…dead things rot.”

    And then I punched her.

    Ok no, but god I wanted to.

  18. OK, I just read about how you don’t like meat…so maybe that wasn’t the best story to tell.

    Ha!. Um…whew…

    This is awkward.

  19. kiala – hipsters are the worst. Sometimes I just want to yell at them, “You know, it’s okay to brush your hair! No one’s gonna think you ‘don’t care about the system’ anymore.”

    and it’s all good. I’m a vegetarian, but I’m not a wussy one. I swear.

    Want me to lift 10 pounds over my head right now?

    Because I will!

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  21. peggyluwho

    OK – it’s not just me. I always leave that store wondering if they’re just chatty or if they were hitting on me. It’s doubly bad because I’m in Oakland. I’m surrounded by hippy lesbians with babies, and even they’re not as friendly as the Trader Joe’s checkers. This never happens at Whole Paycheck. They just scoff and take allllllll my money.

  22. peggyluwho – Yes, it not just you. hahaha – yes – whole foods can go to hell.

  23. holy SHIT that is trau-ma-tic

    i HATE feet. especially gross feet. blah!

    and fyi: i’m now trolling your blog. becuz i can.

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