letting it go

Thanks to the wonders of genetics – one day probably about ten years from now – I’m pretty sure I’m going to be bald.

That’s right.


Bald scares people.

I imagine when people first started going bald – whenever that was – mothers would rope their children in quickly when stumbling upon a hair-less head, explaining, “We don’t go near the scary bald men, they are evil. Not to mention ugly.”

I’m not scared of going bald though.

I’m scared of roller coasters (because hurtling through the sky at 70 miles an hour with only a single bar of steel across my lap keeping me from becoming a splattering on the pavement is not my idea of fun) but not of losing my hair.

I figure, things change when you get older. You know, you start to get confused and frightened by teenagers, your conversations with friends always end up being about what sickness you have and for me – I’ll lose my hair.

I’ll tell you what I won’t do: I won’t be trying one of those treatments or hair-replacement surgeries.

The guys that do that are confused about life. They think, for some reason, that as they age life is supposed to get better.

It’s not.

By getting the hair-replacement, they think they’ve beaten fate and things will be better from now on. But in reality, their friends, instead of saying “Man, Bob’s really losing his hair, huh?” They say, “Man, Bob’s really got hair from his ass on his head, huh?”

I’m going to be fine when I lose it all. It’s served me well, it deserves some time off.

And besides, I couldn’t have gone through all of my life looking like this – could I?


I don’t think so.


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29 responses to “letting it go

  1. My dad isn’t going bald, so I’m not too worried about my own baldness.
    Although I will approach it as calmly as I can and opt for a combover. No one will ever know. As long as I play it all cool.

  2. OMG…Dane went through that same phase with the dreadlocks waaaaayyyy before we met.

    However, he is TERRIFIED of going bald. I think he would be willing to trade me in for a full glorious head of hair.

  3. My boyfriend shaved his head when he noticed he was going bald. I can’t even picture him with hair now. I like how smooth his head is. Bald is beautiful!

  4. tiff

    Bald is sexy. There is much bigger things to worry about, like losing all your teeth. All gums just doesn’t work.

  5. Becky

    My boyfriend’s going bald…no worries, girls will still like you.

    Do you think maybe its BECAUSE of the dreads?? Just a thought ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. my boyfriend is also going bald. he doesn’t care. i don’t care. nobody cares.

    also, omg, how old were you in that picture?

  7. robbie – that is the key to the combover – playing it cool so you don’t realize that everyone hates you.

    kiala – I think every Really Cool Guy goes through the dreads phase – so consider yourself blessed. Also, tell Dane to just tell everyone that he thinks he looks like Bruce Willis, even if he doesn’t. That’s what I do, and I look nothing like him. I feel like everyone thinks Willis is cool, so it’s a good plan.

    freeandflawed – sing it sister!!!

    tiff – true. You just made me want to floss my teeth.

    becky – I haven’t had dreads for many years, but when I did I used to get mad hippie love. And my girlfriend likes me just fine. I think…

    hollywood – Exactly. And I was 20 or 21, somewhere around there. I really wish, at some point, someone would’ve just told me how stupid I looked. But I guess my friends hated me.

  8. I dunno. I think it looks kind of cool. And, I mean, that’s the only age where that hairstyle would be acceptable. Own it like you own your impending baldness.

  9. hollywood – thanks. I have to say, I loved my dreads when I had them, but all good things must come to an end.

    On a related note, my Mom was soooo excited to cut them off when I finally decided to get rid of them. I went to her house, told her it was over, and she ran for the scissors.

  10. poodlegoose

    Aren’t you supposed to look at your mother’s father to see if you’re going to be bald? I’m not sure, but I know I heard that somewhere.

    You hold strong, though. There’s no shame in being bald… seriously. I found some BaldGuyz head polisher in the store the other day, so yes, just know… there are products out there for you if you ever feel lonely.

    I’m Brandy, nice to meet you.

  11. poodle – That’s a myth! I thought that too, but it’s actually not true. I’m so getting “baldguyz” stuff because the ‘z’ instead of an ‘s’ will give me more street cred.

    and nice to meet you too.

  12. Hey man … “balding” isn’t a choice, but “bald” is. Wise words from Neil Strauss, those.

  13. just found your blog…

    i’d just like to point out that i think you are hilarious and also – your puppy is adorable. though i’m not the one who has to clean up his pee….

    great to find you!

  14. Tiff’s right – bald *is* sexy. So much more important stuff to worry about than something that silly.

  15. and that didn’t make as much sense as I’d hoped: There are so many more important things to worry about other than something as silly as going bald.

    There. That’s better.

  16. Hair plugs are lame…This manager at my job has them and instead of focusing on what he’s saying, most of the people in the room focus on how his freakin head looks like its undergoing a wierd ass acupuncture procedure.

    Also, poodlegoose is right. It’s actual the your mother’s genes that determine male pattern baldness.

    I say fuck it! Cut it off. Forget the plugs, forget the comb-overs, go “commando”! Plus from what I can see you don’t have an awkwardly shaped head. You’ll probably look uber hot if you go bald. ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. ashley – thanks! Yeah, he is a good dog, despite all my ranting.

    deutlich – No, I got your point – it’s all good. More love for bald men!

    cagincognito – Hmmm… Maybe I won’t go all the way bald then… I guess I’m just gonna have to wait and see. But if it happens, like you said, I’ll cut it all off no doubt about that – and let the hotness begin!

  18. Yeah, that’s right about it coming from your mom’s dad. It’s on the X chromosome and you only get an X from your mom (get the Y from your dad).

    It’s ok though. I’m sure you have a nice personality. ๐Ÿ˜€

  19. prin – Thanks, but sadly, as evidenced from this blog – my personality is that of a bitter, old man. It’s gonna be a long life.

  20. Dude. In that picture, you look EXACTLY like one of the current contestants for American Idol.

    Not that I watch American Idol or anything.

  21. larissa – What? You mean there’s another handsome, charismatic, athletic, intelligent man out there? I don’t believe you.

  22. White guy with dreads. Hell, yeah.

    My hair’s glories are all in the past-tense as well. Fuck it. I only wish I were a black dude so it will look good if I ever shave it clean. Seriously, even black women can look good with a bald head. So lucky.

  23. mickey – You are so right.

  24. Pingback: a cloudy past « surviving myself

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  26. Oh snap! I could have never guessed this! Seriously, for some strange reason, this actually moves you up UP one notch in my book!

  27. Pingback: putting the pieces together « surviving myself

  28. Red

    EG is bald. Some his hair departed of its own accord so he decided to assist the rest with a razor. He looks like a badass. Very sexy.

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