Well we’ve got our first real snow fall today. It’s been coming down pretty steadily since I got up at six. It’s coating this city with a pristine white coating, hiding all the dirtiness and momentarily quieting the rumble of the streets.

And I hate it.

I hate snow. I’m not twelve anymore. I don’t get to go sled-riding at the park. I don’t get to stay home from school, watch Duck Tales and drink hot chocolate.


I am, despite my girlfriends claims, an adult. I have to go to work in dress clothes, only to have them soaked by the nasty slush of the streets. And did I mention this? I wore a wool trench coat to the office today, which basically attracted the snow to me so that when I stepped into the office, I looked like the abominable snowman – if he wore nice dress shoes. I also have to shovel our stoop and the sidewalk when I get home from work.

Snow is not fun for me.

It does not make me laugh. It does not make me ponder the wonders of mother nature.

In fact, it seems like this is mother natures way of sticking it to me. She remembers all those times that I forgot to recycle. She remembers how when I used to smoke I’d just flick my butts wherever, never caring about the litter I was creating.

She knows that I’m an adult and I can’t do anything remotely fun when it snows, especially here in New York. So basically, every single snowflake is a tiny little “fuck you” hand delivered to me by her.

What a bitch.


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25 responses to “payback

  1. send some of it our way! please!

  2. I’m actually a snow lover generally, except on days like today where I’m supposed to fly. Odds of my 5:35 flight to DC leaving EVER, let alone on time? Slim to none.

  3. Ha ha ha — I’m not a fan of snow either…one thing about living in ATL is that when (and if) it does snow, the city shuts down and usually we get a snow day at work…now that I think about it though, the last time it snowed here was a Saturday and I had a lot of stuff to do, and the snow killed all of my plans…Damn you, snow, damn you! (Waving my fist in the sky…)

  4. deutlich – I would gladly do that. What’s your apartment number?

    arielle – oh man, you are not going anywhere.

    boogiemonsta – Damn! I would kill for the city to shut down. But you know that stupid fucking saying…

  5. Agreed but how good was Ducktails? God I loved that show!

  6. I grew up in Syracuse, where it snows from like September to June. So I know how you feel.

    And I just want to rub it in that now I live in a place that NEVER snows.

  7. I never liked snow until I started snowboarding. But now, by the time February rolls around, I’m ready for winter to just be over and stop fucking with us.

    I’m looking at moving to the Phoenix area later on this year…where I am happy to say, it never, ever snows or incurs temps below 50 degrees.

    Also – you are welcome and no pressure at all. 😉

  8. tiff

    welcome to my life. I’ve been screaming it since Fall. Snow is not pretty the second after it falls, it sucks to drive in, no one plays in it, and i’m too old and injured to go snowboarding. DO NOT WANT.

  9. julie – “Life is like a hurricane, here in Duck – burg. Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes – it’s a duck – blur! Might solve a mystery, or rewrite history!”

    Nuff said.

    hollywood – damn you to hell.

    ashley – that’s what I need to do – pick up on something like snowboarding. Then I wouldn’t hate the snow so much and I’d be able to say things like, “indy nose bone.”

    tiff – I am in complete agreement.

  10. Yeah, and that snow doesn’t stay “pristine” for too long in the City anyway… Nasty!

  11. Life is like a hurricane/Here in Duckburg
    Race cars, lasers, air-o-planes/It’s a duck-blur
    Might solve a mystery/Or rewrite history
    DuckTales! (oooh ooooh)

    I. Loved. DuckTales.

    Also if you have a stoop, you’re automatically an adult.

  12. woeful – you said it. Shit gets gross.

    j-money – I think ducktales was more of a hit than even the great Disney realized. And yes, a stoop does seem to mean I’m an adult. Damn everything.

  13. Give the snow a run for it’s money with a blowtorch like a crazed superhero.Then send pics.

  14. I say Mother Nature is perpetually menopausal and all the snow flakes are actually fragments of her dried up ovaries.

  15. um hi. it has been snowing in chicago every other day since december. so i have no sympathy for you.

    was that mean? well….i am SICK of winter and just bitter about weather in general. when will it be april?

  16. meghan – done and done.

    jiminy – I think you might be on to something. I hope you’re not though.

    erin – Okay, yeah, you seem to have it worse than me. I just like to bitch about stuff a lot. It’s a great quality to have.

  17. snow is good for nostalgic purposes like christmas day and the first time you found sexual delight from an ice cube.

  18. LOL

    I live in NY too and lemme tell you something
    The snow thing was cool until maybe high school – and even THAT’s pushing it. Having to go out there into what will turn into dirty slush?

    Not fun.

    And now – I drive. It’s horrible

    *remembers having to buy her first snow brush thingie…and went back inside instead.*

  19. jemi – Oh man, driving in it is bad too. I’m so glad I haven’t had a car for many years, just the thought of having to clean off a car with – like you said a “snow brush thingie” – makes me upset.

  20. “She knows that I’m an adult and I can’t do anything remotely fun when it snows.”

    This, my friend, is a statement by a man who’s brain is in prison.

  21. ryan – that, my friend, is a statement by a man who’s brain is on death row. At least when it comes to shitty weather.

  22. Haha, fair enough.

    I’ll let you know next time we go sledding. Do you have health insurance? 🙂

  23. ryan -sounds good. Health insurance is ready to be tested.

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