i’m a baby

You know how I make fun of people and enjoy judging them without any knowledge of their current situation?

Well, it appears that karma has reared its ugly, Buddhist (is karma even a Buddhist thing? I just associate Cool Things with Buddhism – like the Beastie Boys freeing Tibet and that whole deal) head on me today.

I’m sick.

I’m home sick and I feel like shit. Please leave all comments wishing me well below.

Now you’re thinking, “Why are you up at 9:50 and writing when you’re sick?” Well, that’s because I’m 78 and I wake up at the crack of dawn no matter what happens to me.

Remember when you were a kid, and you’d hear your parents up at about 8:00 AM every Saturday, and you’d think, “Fuck that, I’ll never be that lame.”

I’m that lame.

If I’m out until 4:58, drinking my ass off, yelling at people who want to knock me out for making fun of their shoes, I’ll still wake up by nine the next day.

Never fails.

So that’s why, even though I feel like someone punched me in the neck and then filled my nose with Fix-A-Flat, I’m awake and writing.

On the plus side, because I’m home, I’ll probably post more than once today and be able to leave even more insightful comments on your blogs!

Oh, how exciting!

I’m going to blow my nose.

I hate life.


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29 responses to “i’m a baby

  1. No matter what you do, do not become my mother. She started getting up at 5 am when my grandmother was living with us back in the day. She’s been dead for about 9 years, and my mother still gets up that early. If I ever stay over there I wake up so early because I can hear her moving around. It kills me. Feel better though.

  2. Oh dear, that karma really bit you in the arse 😉

  3. I’m that lame too. It sucks. I’m not sick, but my allergies are kickin’ my ass, so I too have a fix -a -flat feelin nose. Except that it also itches like crazy and I keep sneezing. Hope you feel better.

  4. This was me not too long ago. Fuck being sick. Get better. Suck it up, dude.

    haha no, just playing. If it was possible to send soup in the mail and have it arrive still hot, I’d totally send you some.

    Make sure you have super soft tissue, my nose hated me because my tissue was not of the super soft variety.

  5. Ditto on the sick, except it was about two weeks ago. And Double Ditto on waking up at the ass-crack ‘o dawn.

    I hate that shit.

    Hope you feel better!!

  6. I’m a 9:00-er too. Dunno why, either because most of the time, it just sucks. Hope you feel better soon 🙂

  7. walk it off!

    totally kidding. awwww, you’re sick :0(

  8. dutchess – There is definitely something very wrong with waking up at 5 am.

    pinkjelly – Yup. But don’t expect me to change! That’s one of my other endearing qualities – stubbornness.

    sassy – Oh, I’ve got allergies too, they’re so annoying.

    jamie – Yes, there’s nothing worse than being sick, and then having your nose all red and everyone stares at you. Please send the soup soon. I’m getting hungry.

    poodlegoose – We’ve become our parents.

    best blog – No you’re right, I’m pretty much a wuss when I get sick.

  9. What’s Fix-a-Flat?

    I would think it’s some sort of pump that fills a tire with air and then seal’s the leak…

    My mental picture, therefore, is someone (called Sick guy) punching you in the neck and then filling your nose with air and sealing your nostrils off before you have a chance to exhale.

    And that’s pretty funny. For me…

    What a bully this Sick guy is.

  10. Oh dear, you’re sick. Now’s the time to catch up on the ol’ tivo.

    Also, I think karma is a Hindu thing, technically.

  11. oh snap, me too. Although I don’t think it’s endearing in me….just annoying. I’m a bit like a little kid..

  12. It’s not karma, man. It’s statistics. Even I got sick this year, and I’m fucking unbreakable.

    Okay, that might be going a bit far, but I measure the frequency of illness in decades. When I came down with the shit a couple weeks ago, though, I didn’t even blog for about four days, so props to you for being a warrior. (Props? Warrior? Where’s this crap coming from?)

  13. you’re 78? damn you look good for your age.

    i wake up early on weekends too. i also sometimes groan when i stand up. i’m embarrassed just to type that.

    in other news, feel better.

  14. melissa – Thanks. I suppose.

    robyn – Yes, yes he is.

    hollywood – Yeah, I saw that once I looked it up. I don’t have tivo! Am I the only person in America who doesn’t? I suck.

    pink – Yes, me too.

    mickey – You’re right! I am a warrior!

    ashley – hahaha – hey, it’s good to be honest.

  15. Shit man. My bad…I thought the Fix-A-Flat up your nose woulda been funny.

    Even-stevens…next time I pass out, you can assault me with Armor-All or Rain-X or something.

    (all apologies for how gay this post may come across as…)

  16. As someone older than you (I’m 80 and wake up at 5:00am). I’d like to suggest a time proven treatment for what ails you–Have a cup of hot tea with some honey and a shot (or two or four) of bourbon in it. The tea and honey will make your throat feel better (assuming it hurts) and the bourbon will ensure that you no longer care about being sick because you’ve got a nice buzz on.

    Feel better!

  17. Awww muffin. Nah, being sick suck, feel better. I tried to mail you some soup but fedex had some weird rules about liquids seeping out of envelopes. Asses.

    Totally hear you about the waking up at the crackof dawn. It never fails. After a hard night of drinking last Sat everyone else slept blissfully til noon. I popped tylenol and watched a musical marathon.

  18. I feel you on waking up early. Every weekend I’m up at 8am, no matter what fun times I’ve had or how little sleep I’ve gotten. I could’ve been the last person to fall asleep at 5:30am, but I’m up at 7:45 watching the Food Network, wondering why…

    Being sick is totally wack! But I hope you feel better…

  19. Yes you are. And, no, you don’t. Well, not overall, but maybe in that regard.

  20. I’m so sorry you’re sick and I didn’t read this until now because I was under this crazy deadline and then maybe had to get some weed for my mom.

    Feel better!

  21. Feel better! I suffer from the other side of your coin. I can’t stay awake past midnight anymore.

  22. That’ll teach you.
    The next time you see someone that you want to make fun of perhaps you should take a long hard stare in to the persons eyes and tell them “you know how [they] feel.”
    Then walk away.

  23. aww poor baby-man!

    feel better will ya?

  24. barry – Better watch your back.

    kristen – Thanks, and yeah, alcohol tends to be my answer to most of my problems.

    meghan – Musicals are never the answer.

    boogiemonsta – It’s terrible isn’t it? Though I can’t feel you on the food network thing. Ari loves that crap though.

    hollywood – Thanks, I tend to gauge my self-worth by my material possessions, so this makes me feel a little better.

    kiala – It’s all good. Weed for parents before Internet Friends. Always.

    noelle – Oh yeah, I do that too. It’s usually one or the other.

    robbie – Maybe I will…

    jemi – I’m trying, but the angel of death is encroaching.

  25. i don't like to read

    you cry like a little girl.

  26. I was sick the same day! You probably caught it from my blog. Hope you’ve recovered by now and never have to use the “snot is gross” tag ever again.

  27. idon’tliketoread – Yes.

    j-money – Thanks, but I plan on using that tag often. It’s a really flexible one.

  28. I try desperately not to leave the warmth of my bed until at least 10am. It doesn’t always work, but weekends, for example, are bliss!

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