I’ve been hearing a lot about the protests in China over the Olympics, and it made me start thinking.
Not about those protests or the human rights violations that China just adores, because I tend not to think about Things That Matter.
No, I started thinking about how much I hate the Olympics.
Seriously. The Olympics are fucking weak.
They have all these amateur athletes competing in all these weird ass “sports.”
You know what amateur athletes are? Athletes who aren’t good enough to be professionals – that’s what. Oh, please let me watch a bunch of athletes who may or may not be as athletic as the bodega owner compete in sports no one could give a shit about.
Let’s review a couple of these “sports.”
Canoeing is one. Fucking canoeing. It’s two dudes in a boat. And they’re not even drinking! Who gets in a boat without any alcohol??? No one fun that’s for sure.
Then there’s Racewalking. You read that right. It’s walking – but really fast! Wow! They really wanted to draw the crowds with this one huh? So what did they do, raid all the malls in America for competitors? “Did you see the way that elderly woman whizzed by JC Penney’s??? Get her to China!”
And what’s the deal with Gold, Silver and Bronze winners? Hey Olympics fuckers – here’s a newsflash for you: If you didn’t actually win – that means you lost! No one cares if you get second place! You lost! You want to see something pathetic – try watching someone show off a Silver medal to someone. It’s fucking embarrassing. “Oh, you almost won at the Olympics? That’s really good. That’s just very, nice.”
The Olympics are terrible and they just need to stop.
Maybe back in the day they were cool, when you could feed the losing athletes to lions or Something Interesting like that, but not anymore.
Now they are just worthless, and it pisses me off.
I’m going to Racewalk off this anger.