Chuck Palahniuk and I are pissed off.
He is pissed because of this new movie called “Never Back Down” that’s supposed to be about a fight club.
But it’s not really.
It’s really a chick flick disguised as a movie about a fight club.
Synopsis: Teen heartthrob rebel moves to a new school, gets beat up by a bully, falls for the popular girl, then finds himself at the end. How original.
That’s why Palahniuk is pissed.
I’m pissed because this has gone too far. When fight clubs become chick flicks, the destruction of man as we know it has come full circle.
Can’t us men have something? Punching someone in the face is supposed to be manly! I don’t want to see some pretty blue-eyed teen smiling at me when I’m thinking about violence. I want to see faces getting smashed and cars flying off of things that don’t make sense. Nothing else.
Pure and simple Man Things.
It’s clearly not okay to be a man anymore. I’ve seen the magazines. I read Men’s Health. It’s exactly the same as Cosmo. “Great Sex” and “How to Get The Right Girl in 8 Steps” are both articles that have appeared in Men’s Health. I wonder where the “Kill Your Manliness in 3 Steps” article is. Next month I’m sure.
What has become of us men?
I mean, I bought lavender shampoo on Sunday. Lavender.
What the hell is wrong with me??? There is not one situation in life in which a man should own lavender shampoo.
So I gave it to Ari.
It’s time to take back our manliness men. It’s time to re-watch episodes of the A-Team. It’s time to stop shaving for a month. It’s time to fart, look around at the disgusted faces, and proudly declare, “Yeah, you wish that was you.”
It’s time to be men once again.