Quick note: Ashley asked me to guest post on her blog, so if your thirst for my amazing writing is not quenched by today’s post, go check it out.
Let me begin by saying that I like kids. I mean, I like them enough not to want to punch them.
But sometimes I see kids and I find myself thinking, “I think maybe I’m not a good person.”
Yesterday after work was one of those times.
I was sitting on the train, trying to remember whether or not white American cheese was the Real American Cheese or if it was yellow that was The Real Thing, when a man and his son sat down directly across from me.
I looked at the kid. He seemed harmless.
His outfit, however, made me extremely upset.
First of all, the very fact that I called it an “outfit” makes me angry. Kids shouldn’t have outfits. I had an outfit on. I am old. This kid was dressed better than I was.
He was wearing some nice, dark jeans, stylish kicks, and a blazer with a long sleeve shirt under it. A blazer!
I think it may have been the blazer that pushed me over the edge.
Listen to me: Kids do not need to look good. If your kid is dressed like a 25 year-old, there’s something wrong. Your kid doesn’t give a fuck what he’s wearing. He cares about two things: Do today’s boogers taste good, and could that Lego castle he built fit more cookies in it.
Stop with the dressing up of little kids. It’s fucking ridiculous.
I’ll tell you what, my kids won’t be wearing blazers. I’ll send those fuckers to school wearing a garbage bag with holes cut out for his head and legs.
His arms will get a hole if he eats all his vegetables.