I was walking to work this morning when I saw this guy fly by me on the street. My first thought – bike. My second thought – I hope, for his sake, it wasn’t a segway.
Then, up ahead at the corner, I saw him come zooming out of the muddled traffic.
The man was rocking roller skates.
Not even roller blades.
He had those suckers right on top of his dress pants. He was bobbing and weaving with the greatest of ease – and though my natural instinct is to automatically hate on anything that is different from me – I found myself envying the man.
He was free.
Here I am, forced to walk to work every morning after the gym, fighting through the idiots on line who decide that a bagel with eggs and cheese is A Good Idea For Breakfast, and those – that for some reason – walk at the pace of a sloth. Who is asleep.
This guy was tearing up the pavement. He was probably listening to something Ultra Rad like Invisible Touch, and not caring about a damn thing.
At that moment, in my jealousy not only of his freedom, but also of his knowledge of Genesis, I decided that I would do the same as him – only take it one step farther.
I’m buying a Big Wheel, and I’m never looking back.
From now on, whether Ari breaks up with me because this is The Last Straw or not, I am going to ride a Big Wheel wherever I go.
To the bar? Big Wheelin’ it son.
Home from work? Big Wheel ain’t scared of the Brooklyn Bridge!
With my Big Wheel, people will now look at me with intense jealousy, not the other way around.
Now, if I can only find a He-Man themed one…