The locker room at the gym is an odd place – where seemingly rational people regress into conducting seriously disturbing behaviors.
Unfortunately for me, because I don’t ever want to be fat, I have to witness these behaviors five days a week.
This morning there was guy standing beside me having a conversation about painting his house, while completely naked.
When was the last time you had a conversation with anyone while completely naked? Right after sex, I hope. Otherwise, put some fucking clothes on.
Oh, and while we’re talking about naked dudes (who doesn’t like talking about naked dudes!) how about the guy who weighs himself in the nude? What – putting on a pair of boxers is gonna tip the scale for ya??? Look fucker, no one wants to see the fact that you’re still fat as ever despite coming to the gym everyday. Try not eating a box of Twinkies for lunch.
That might help.
And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Smelly Clothes Man. This guy wears the exact goddamn thing everyday to the gym, and if he’s within five lockers of you, your stomach will not be the same for at least an hour after.
Why Smelly Clothes Man chooses not to wash his clothes – I have no idea. Why he just has to wear the same thing everyday, like it’s some kind of Stink Uniform – I have no idea. I do know that when his locker is near mine, I feel like dying.
Or maybe stabbing him in the neck.
The worst part about the locker room is that there is nothing you can do about it. You have to deal with it.
You must look at these people and somehow make yourself think of them as Normal People who act logically in The Real World, no matter how hard they seem to make it.