paris makes me angry

I don’t like to travel.

I don’t fucking like it, okay?

It’s too much trouble.

I know – “But oh, the things you’re missing!”

I’ll tell you what I’m missing – I’m missing packing a bunch of shit and praying that I have enough socks.  I’m missing the stress of planning everything out so that I “hit all the good spots” which usually entails going to see Something Important But Boring.

When you travel you have to Do Things.  I don’t like to Do Things.  I like to sit on my couch.  I like to watch sports.  On my couch.  In Brooklyn.

You can have your Fun Experiences.

I don’t care about them.

You can tell me all about the things you did and show me pictures of the many things you saw, and I’ll nod and act like I care, but in my head I’ll be saying, “Man, am I glad I didn’t have to do that.”

It’s not an easy thing to tell people that you don’t like to travel either.  People are utterly shocked when I tell them.  Like it’s some big fucking crime that a person can not like to travel.

They tell me that I’m missing out and blah, blah, blah.

I want to miss out.

I want to miss out on the Eiffel Fucking Tower.  I get it.  I’ve seen pictures.  It’s a big fucking metal pole. Great.

But I hope you had a good time looking at that metal pole sticking the ground!  Sorry I missed that!  You know we have those here in New York too?  They’re called street lamps!

I think this is one of the reasons people find me Hard To Get Along With.

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41 Comments

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41 responses to “paris makes me angry

  1. You know what happens every time I visit Paris? I step in dog shit.

  2. crissyspage

    Foreign people are smelly.

    Travel is dumb.

  3. I saw the Eiffel Tower when I still lived in Germany… and the coolest part about it? Seeing it again on all these posters when I moved back to the States.

    Other than that? My main memory of France will ALWAYS be watching porn at like, 2 in the morning. Because it came on basic cable. And I couldn’t sleep.

    I think I was like.. 8, maybe 9?

    Uhm. Oops?

  4. wait.. that makes no sense.. I saw the Eiffel Tower because we went on vacation to France when I still lived in Germany.

    I need more coffee.

  5. How about if scientists build a sort of “beam me up Scotty” kindda machine where you could just instantly be where you want to be, would you like travelling then?

  6. Hahahaha. I enjoy travelling to *see people* but the act of travelling isn’t fun. I do not enjoy sightseeing. I’m the WORST at it. I haven’t even seen the statue of liberty. I refuse to do sightseeing when people are in town to visit me. I’m like, no, we’re going to bars and getting drunk like this was any city, except it’s not, it’s New York and we get to do it until 4 am. Soooo, skip Times Square and Ground Zero, we’re going to eat and drink and be merry.

  7. see, i like to travel but not to typical touristy spots. put me at the base of an african waterfall or laying on a beach on bora bora.

    but whatever, to each his/her own.

  8. Marcos

    Travel isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s about growth. I see it all the time here in Vermont. There are people who have never left Vermont just as there are people who have never left Germantown. I had a point…oh yeah, Traveling is like education. Sure it’s hard and sucks sometimes but if you don’t do it you’re ultimately cheating yourself and destined for a mundane life. Fuck that shit. Ride the rollercoaster.

  9. you and my man both…

    sigh.

    you got a girlfriend? she and I can travel together and come back to your beer laden, couch dwelling, buffalo chicken fingers, sweet 16 watching lumps and tell you about all the awesome things we saw without you.

    win/win right?

  10. I love to travel, but it makes me constipated.

    What? I know it’s not just me.

  11. idontliketoread

    i only travel to Amsterdam, that way I spend a bunch of $$,and time to end up on a different contenent doing the same thing I do at home, smoking pot and talking about how weird things are!

  12. arielle

    This post made me cry.

  13. but seriously Big Ben is awesome. You’re totally missing out… really.

  14. Damn, you’re an asshole!

    Actually, I wish I was content to stay in one place and just enjoy the couch. It would be so much easier. As it is, I get antsy even living in one place for more than about six months.

    kiala- It’s not just you. Traveling definitely gets me off my game.

  15. tiff

    seriously, skip the old dumb buildings and discover the pubs of the world! you’ll never want to drink in America again. If that’s not a reason to travel, I don’t know what is.

  16. I don’t like packing when it’s time to go home. It’s like the my clothing mated while on vacation and now there’s too much to fit.

    I don’t like the smell of airplanes. I don’t like when people sitting next to me cough on airplanes. I don’t like lines. Or ticket prices. Or cabs. Or people.

  17. melissa – I believe it! And it was fancy dog shit too, cause everyone dog in France is fancy.

    kristen – Yes and yes.

    deutlich – Porn when your a child is not a good thing. And neither is not enough coffee.

    aaron – Yes! I would love it then.

    jessica – Hahaha – you are my kind of person.

    ashley – See but that’s the problem, whenever you travel you have to see the sights. Or you are just a stubborn person, like me.

    marcos – Hey, I left G-Town!

    each – Yes I do and please call her. Now.

    kiala – First poop related comment of the day! You win! I’m sending you the prize – a twix bar – right after work.

    idont – Hahaha – NY is so weird! Can you tell me where the subway is???

    ari – I knew it would. I’m sorry. I’ll sit in my corner when I get home tonight.

    julie – I know he is! Talk about a comeback season! And I have to tell you, I liked what Tomlin did with the team, yeah, he made some mistakes, but it’s his first year.

    mickey – I know I am. It’s something I deal with every day. And second poop related comment of the day! You get a 3 Musketeers.

    tiff – Hmmm… You may be on to something.

    freeandflawed – Now that’s my kinda comment!

  18. I see your point. 100% I think I’ve been impressed by 1 out of 50 tourist attractions I’ve forced myself to go to.

    And also, Paris IS lame. So lame. Except you can’t say shit like that to people in conversation or they just think that you’re trying to fake being interesting by being disagreeable. When I was there, I visited the Eiffel Tower for like 2 minutes, shrugged, and looked for something else to do. And I didn’t even bother to go instead Notre Dame Cathedral. I sat outside eating a crepe while my friends putzed around inside for 30 minutes.

  19. I always forget the fucking socks. Ugh.

  20. I agree, if I could be beamed somewhere, I’d go in a heartbeat. I don’t want to have to take of my shoes to eat foreign food. Because in the end, it’s always the food that makes me want to travel to new places.

  21. Jo

    I love travelling. But I hate hearing about other people’s travels…when they show you their pictures, “and this is me on the beach…and this is me next to a building…and this is a whole picture FULL of buildings…”

    I’m like snoooooooooooze.

  22. So this means if you ever win a trip you’re gonna send me the tickets…right?…….right?

  23. hollywood – Good for you. And now you’ve made me want a crepe.

    brookyln – Worst thing ever.

    noelle – I would be all over having a transporter. I’d probably even put Rad Stickers on mine just so everyone knew what kinds of bands I liked.

    jo – Exactly.

    meghan – Yes. Unless the trip is to South Dakota. I’ve been waiting to go there for 3 minutes.

  24. strangehappypeople

    Haha, no! Traveling’s fun when there isn’t an agenda. Be a wanderer not a tourist. 😀

  25. lol. I’ve never been to France, but I have to agree, who cares about a big chunk of metal sticking out of the ground. Maybe there’s some history behind is that I don’t know, which is entirely possible, but I don’t even care enough to look. Ah well. I do like to travel, but only if there is actually something of interest there. Otherwise it’s torture.

  26. haha! You are too funny!

    I agree with you…traveling is a pain, and even worse when you have to do it for work!

  27. haha! You are too funny!

    I agree with you…traveling is a pain, and even worse when you have to do it for work!

    BTW I’m so not afraid to buy a guy a drink!
    as long as its not the drink that turns him into a belligerent drunk!

  28. I don’t like the packing and unpacking. If I were like Diddy or Kimora Lee, I’d have someone to do the packing for me. I also hate the airport and the act of taking off my shoes. The carpet in the airport looks the shittiest! But I live to get to the destination.!!!!

  29. Remind me not to show you my honeymoon photos next month.

    Deutlich brings up a good point – the amount of porn on French basic cable is astounding. 10PM and there’s bow-chicka-wow-ow on the tele.

  30. I agree…but I think there may be a couple good reasons to travel. I wouldn’t really be too stoked about landmarks and what not but- if the trip had a goal, like say- going to napa valley to taste every wine that is made…it may be worth it. Traveling for “sight-seeing” is gay- and youre right, you can see everything you want by googling.

  31. strangehappy – Yes, well, I’m trying to be that. I guess.

    kevin – I bet there some dumb story about Old People or something behind that tower. Something not worth learning to say the least.

    allie – Thanks. If I had to travel for work I think I’d quit. Or maybe just whine about it a lot.

    diva – Kimora probably just looks around, says, “Look how hot I am!” And the men come flocking to help her. I know I would.

    melissa – Hahaha – You nailed the porn music in written form! Bravo!

    matt – Yeah, I think if alcohol is involved, I could probably get convinced to go anywhere.

  32. What about traveling outside? It means you have to wear pants.

  33. I think I missed all of the porn on French television. I’ll have to go back ASAP.

    See? There’s even a reason to travel to the same place more than once.

  34. Haha. That’s the way I’ve always felt about the Eiffel Tower.

  35. Yeah, don’t bother with Paris unless you like things like the best coffee in the world and amazing shopping.

    The sites are overrated.

  36. You know…I love being in new and exotic places but I HATE the process of getting there…

    I hate airport security, I hate sitting next to someone on a plane who wants to talk to me the entire flight when all I want to do is sleep, I hate hearing someone behind me coughing and knowing that there is nowhere for their germs to go so they are just marinating in the stale airplane air, I hate bastard children who like to run free in the aisle and bitch about having to sit still and kick the back of seats, I hate the bastard children’s bitchass parents who let them act a damn fool, I hate waiting for my luggage…I could keep going but I think you get the point…

  37. dan – Pants are very constricting, so I’d say… no.

    hahasound – You’re right – if porn isn’t a reason to go somewhere, I don’t know what is.

    larissa – Stupid french and their stupid pole.

    robyn – Just like lady liberty here. My friend came, wanted to see it, so we took him. He looked at it, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Eh, thought it would be bigger.”

    boogiemonsta – Hahaha – That was a great rant.

  38. this made me laugh. Hard. At Work.

  39. i do like traveling, but 2 things annoy me: packing and spending money. traveling ALWAYS costs way more than you think.

  40. Hahaha I love this blog! I travel alot and though I enjoy it most of the time it is nerve wrecking and tiring. I know exactly what you mean.
    Ahhh…I miss Brooklyn.

  41. Pingback: down under « surviving myself

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