so good it hurts

The problem with being a blogger is trying to convince people that you don’t suck.


I don’t like telling people I even have a blog.

In person that is.

Through the magical world of computer communication I tell everyone, because I don’t have to actually look them in their Judging Eyes when I tell them.

When someone lets loose that I do have a blog, and I can’t avoid the confrontation through witty comments like, “Blog? Blog? Who’s a silly frog?” they typically have one of two reactions.

Either they feign interest to try and be nice: “Oh! That’s cool! I’ll have to check it out. Now let me tell you about this carpet I saw the other day.” This person, convinced that they’ve done a Good Thing, forgets that they never actually ask for the address of my “cool” blog.

The second reaction can be best be described as Utter Panic. This person doesn’t know how to deal with the notion that they think my blog probably sucks, thus them telling me something that they think will help: “Well, you really should think about going back to school.”

Overall, it’s a shitty experience.

Once the word is out though, there’s no turning back, so I must then try and convince People Who Are More Successful Than Me that my blog will one day lead me to fame and riches beyond my wildest dreams.

Or at least a new sweater.

The problem is that people think just because I don’t have my name attached to something they recognize – like Gawker (call me!) – I can’t possibly be a good writer.

Well, dammit, I am a good writer. At least that’s what my Mom tells me. And she’s pretty much always right.

And this is a good blog.

The only reason I’m not rich and famous from it is because I kinda forgot that I like to write until I wasted thousands of dollars on a degree I don’t use, got bogged down in a job in that field for awhile and maybe not too many people read it.

So really, when you think about it, this blog is the Best Thing Ever.

Aside from Robocop and chocolate covered pretzels.

That’s some tough competition.


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45 responses to “so good it hurts


    Except, in my town, I’m getting NOTICED. Amongst the two million people living in Portland, at least seven, that I know of, read my blog.


    I’m afraid to even go out in public now. The paparazzi and everything, you know.

  2. Moms are the best. And so are chocolate covered pretzels. Just make sure you’re eating the right one. Unless you’re from Kentucky … then you got options.

    (Yeah, I just went there and have no idea why.)

  3. B2G

    I don’t want anyone I know to read mine, but I can’t help admit that I have one to my friends sometimes because I talk about my bloggy friends and what they wrote and what they commented and the time my favorite band found my shout out to them and actually COMMENTED, etc. But I really don’t want anyone to know. It’s a vicious cycle.

  4. No one even knows I have a blog. Even you don’t know I have a blog. You just suspect that I do.

  5. tiff

    I don’t tell anyone. Not anymore. Although if I did, I’m sure my reception would much as it is in blogland – everyone would want to be my friend and I would gain VIP access to clubs and restaurants. Right? Isn’t everything in the real world exactly how it is on the Internets?

  6. Nice tags. Keep writing.

  7. Yeah, it’s weird. I want people to read and comment, but not people that KNOW me!
    Actually, I have told a few friends about it, but mostly I just hope strangers read it and enjoy the voyuerism into my crazy ass thoughts. And leave comments. (I’m sure I spelled voyuerism wrong. They need to let you spell check your comments here, damnit!)

  8. Worst part? When people you work find out about it. You have to censor yourself and assume that your boss is reading every word you write. Suddenly that “here’s why my boss is a douchebag” post doesn’t seem quite as acceptable.

    Now, I have two sites… the Old Blog with the domain that work people know about is going to become the forum for whoring myself out, while the New Blog will be the place where I can write about how awful it is to whore myself out to those people, and how they smell, and how they always want you to do certain things without having the decency to get you drunk first, etc.

    So fuck blogs. That’s what I’m getting at.

  9. Only one person from my offline life (offline life, wtf?) knows about my blog. Well, actually I’ve mentioned it to a few people but they don’t give a damn, so fuck em!

  10. Not only do all those that really matter to me know I have a blog, some of my best friends have one themselves.

    Even people who I won’t give the address too (ie: mom & the brother) know I write in a blog.. mom tells me I should start making money off it

    … right

    Not with what I write about.

  11. I’m just waiting for the day some people I know to find my blog. I’ll be the talk of hipsters across Chicago.

    Whatever. You might have the best blog ever, but I have the best puppy ever. You failed to retaliate with cute puppeh Jack photos!

  12. I think you need the Robocop endorsement before your blog can go primetime. Or… just put him in the header. That’d work too.

  13. All my posts are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth but as for everything else… who knows! I have and plan on telling so much of the truth the “true people” would probably come after me for slander! So you will never know WHO I AM!

    (just for you though, I am 24, Female, and Hott but that’s all you get)

    Allie? hehe

    And Yes you are a good writer and this is a GREAT Blog!

  14. Mmmm…. chocolate covered robocops. mmmm…

    maybe that is what I will call my secret blog that the work/parents/x’s/and blog civilians don’t know about. A place where I could freely write about the hairballs my female gamer roommate leaves in the shower. That would be so nice.

  15. I used to listen to the compliments and think I had a well-written blog. Then, I was reading a badly written blog, and one of the comments said something to the effect of, “you’re a great writer!” Now I have a much higher standard than the opinions of commenters. Except you, of course. You’re great. Please don’t stop commenting. I need you all like crack.

  16. kiala – You’re crazy. It’s more like nine. The question is, how will Dane deal with the sudden fame?

    brooklyn – I ask my Mom about everything. I feel like there is not a topic in the world that she doesn’t know about. Except weed.

    b2g – You’re going to make yourself insane.

    fort knocks – You just blew my mind. In a non-sexual way.

    tiff – It is! Can I get in the clubs too?

    jessica – Thanks. I am creative.

    sassy – Only off by one letter! “Voyeurism” But you still win a prize.

    justin – I agree, if anyone asks me to do anything, I should at the very least be allowed to have 3 shots of a liquor of my choice.

    kiera – Yeah, fuck em! I hope they’re attractive. For your sake.

    deutlich – I would give my right arm to get paid to do this. Or maybe just my favorite pen.

    jamie – I did. I must send a reply.

    jack – Dude, if I could find a picture of Robo that would look good in my header, I sooo would. That is an awesome idea my friend.

    allie – Hot with two ‘t’s?? You must be even sexier than Kim Kardashian! But I really don’t think that’s possible.

    oakland – That sounds like the best title for a blog ever.

    noelle – My comments keep you off the streets.

  17. Very few people in my day to day life actually read my blog and I like it that way.

    Your blog is the greatest. I betcha Robocop reads it.

  18. Hey – there ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it. Wanna get paid for blogging? Then pursue it.

    There’s no one stopping you but yourself.

  19. The only time I tell people that I have a blog is when I’m drunk…

    then the next morning I want to hit myself in the face.

  20. I hear you, man. It’s a tough line to walk with the whole desire for a *little* publicity (or at least positive water cooler discussion) and as much privacy as possible. And then your coworkers find out about it. And then your little sister finds out about it and reads all about your sex life….and it’s just a big pain in the ass.

    Mmmmrobocop. If Robocop had a blogfeed, yours would be on it.

  21. Your mom’s right.

    I’m relatively new to blogging, but I found out exactly what you mean when I mentioned in an e-mail to one of my “cool” friends that I had a blog and he should check it out. The response: It’s cool that you have a blog but that’s not really my thing.

    What a dick.

  22. omg I forgot to add this, last summer I worked as a live in nanny and Robocop totally lived in the building. The dude who played him. No joke.

    He once mentioned your blog in passing.

  23. No but seriously, he did live in the building!

  24. First of all, this is precisely why we should start a collective, if we ever come up with an idea to justify such a thing.

    Secondly, I really really hate telling people too. Especially because it’s like my only hobby.

  25. This is the truest thing I ever did read.

  26. My blog sucks and I don’t care. I try and if people read it, fine. So far two people read it and one of them is me.

  27. Awesome post. You left out one category of people though: the ones who think that they need to start face-to-face conversations with, “so I was reading your blog the other day…” or “here’s something you should post about…”

    Overzealous supporters?

  28. meghan – Aw man, I hope so!

    deutlich – You are soooo right.

    maxie – Hahaha – like drunk dialing – drunk blog referencing.

    bigtime – Younger sisters reading about your sex life is probably not that good of a thing. And thanks, Robo has no idea of my love for him.

    mickey – Yup, most people treat blogging like anyone who does it, even people they’re friends with, suck ass. Stupid.

    jamie – Amazing. Simply fucking amazing.

    hollywood – I know! I’m telling you, we just need someone who is smarter than us.

    candace – Thanks. This post is way more true than the bible, so you’d think I’d have tons of readers. The bible has millions reading it! I’m going to hell.

    lynne – You must press on!

    benjamin – Yeah, that’s true, but no one does that to me. They just ignore my excellence.

  29. I dropped the blog on someone this weekend. She proceeded to take off her top and make out with me.

    It works.

    Ok it doesn’t.

  30. Oooo! Oooo! What’s my prize? Do I get a free trip to NY to collect it? Sweet. I totally need a vacation… 😉

  31. qanzas

    I only tell a few carefully selected people in my face-to-face life about my blog. Other than that, my connections are virtual. Interested people find me and I, them, and I keep it relatively anonymous. That way I don’t have to worry that when I say “Sucks to your ass-mar,” my best friend with asthma will say that I really, really hurt her feelings. My S.O. doesn’t even read it, but he’s already shaking in fear that I’m going to ask him to critique some of my “real” writing, as I hand him another twenty pages of insanity.

    Keep on blogging. You’re right. You are good. I know it’s easier said than done, but I really think you should also start writing a novel, some short stories, or at least a Big Wheel technical manual. Something tells me you can pull it off.

  32. crissyspage

    Speaking of trying to convince people you don’t suck–thanks for adding me to your blogroll. I’m touched…and excited!

    Not in THAT way, silly.
    (well, maybe a little…)

    When people find out I have a blog they automatically think that I’m going to write about them. As if. Not EVERYTHING they do is blog fodder. Just most of it.

    Anywho, I don’t think you suck. I think you’re quite good actually.

  33. rs27 – Well, I applaud your effort.

    sassy – You get dap from me. That’s about all I got, I know, it’s lame.

    qanzas – I don’t know, I want everyone I know to read mine, but they don’t seem to interested. Oh, the terrible life I lead! And thanks.

    kristen – Oh, it was for sure that way, don’t try and deny it. And thanks!

  34. What's wrong with your bag, girl?

    Why does your blog come up in ordinary conversation? Do you brag to your co-workers about your killer weekend in front of the computer blogging about 80’s songs and people on the subway?

    Anyways, Karate Kid shitted on Robocop’s hood, son.

  35. At least your blog has a short title that’s easy to remember, mine is so freaking long. And yeah pretty much everyone I know knows about it, so no pressure at all, haha.

  36. Keef

    Mourning the loss of the Hot Route, celebrating his reincarnation….

  37. Robocop and chocolate covered pretzels… you’re right, that is some quite difficult competition. They’ve stood the test of time. That’s some pretty hard stuff to live up to. But I think you can do it.

    And boy, do I ever feel you on the wasting thousands of dollars on a degree, but I’m still working on the job thing…

  38. wellhmmyep

    i avoid all personally known people from finding out about my blog…hell, I forget I have one at times anyway…..but you do you and just do whatever makes you’re actually good at writing.

  39. The thing is, I’ve been blogging for 8 years — when I first started, it was this “weird Internet habit” I had and my friends kind of shunned me for it — now, of course, they’re begging me to check out their incoherent Myspace spiels wherein they dissect the art of picking the shade of lipstick one should wear (entirely dependent on not only skin tone and outfit, but also the amount of daylight present).

    Anyway, nowadays, I pretty much tell whoever I think might care. I have a current professor who reads my blog, actually. 🙂

    P.S. I find you hilarious.

  40. Dude, your stuff rocks. Even more than Robocop eating a chocolate covered pretzel.
    I can’t even convince myself that I write anything other than rubbish. Although, to help me get by I just assume that The People That Are More Successful Than Me are just a bunch of unsatisfied grunts whose idea of a good weekend involves some furtive masturbation and a microwave dinner.

  41. That silly girl.

    I so was going to blog about this same thing today. Are you in my head?

    Seriously, there needs to be a new name for blogs, because they aren’t as dorky as the stigma that is attached to that word.

  42. Marcos – You love my blog! You love it!

    katelin – Long titles are good though. Plus, I’m pretty sure there are about 47 other “surviving myself’s” out there. I’m not very original.

    keef – As always, I appreciate the love.

    poodlegoose – Nothing like disappointing your parents!

    wellhmm – Don’t hide it, proclaim it from the rooftops. Or somewhere else really high.

    cici – Lipstick can depend on daylight??? My god, I don’t know how you deal with being a woman. And thanks!

    jiminy – Thanks man. And people more successful than us can fuck off.

    thatsillygirl – Yes I am. Right now you’re thinking, “I just love the Pittsburgh Steelers!” Right? No? I’ll try again soon.

  43. ashley

    Def. best blog ever. Hands down. 😉

  44. Kim Kardashian has nothing on ME!!! At least my white girl apple booty is REAL! 😉
    So if Kim is hott then I’m HOTTT!

    ok that’s enough self boasting for the MONTH!

  45. ashley – Hahaha – Thanks. Are you trying to butter me up for something? How weird is that phrase? It’s kinda gross when you think about it.

    allie – Never speak ill of my girl Kim K on here! Her ass is the stuff dreams are made of!

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