Today was one of my co-worker’s last day, so we celebrated by getting him a box of donuts. It took the awkwardness off The Final Day by having everyone focus on increasing their stomach size.
With my mouth full of powdered glory, I could not help but think about all the ills our world faces – and how easily donuts could solve them all.
We are, after all, an Unhappy Society. Why not cheer up it up with a little creme filling?
Imagine the results.
You think we couldn’t lure ol’ Bin Laden out of hiding with a glazed donut, made special just for him?
And I promise you we would’ve been able to keep Bush’s dumb ass out of office if we had just offered a box of Boston Creme’s to him.
George: [Intensely looking at the box of donuts] “You mean to tell me I get that whole box, just to not be president?”
Me: “That’s right.”
[I hold up the box, because he seems to be squinting at it. I quickly realize this is just his normal expression, and lower it again.]
George: [Now confused] “I get the donuts inside the box too right, not just the box?”
Me: [Sadly] “Yes George. The donuts are yours too. Just leave us all alone.”
George: [Snatching the box out of my hands like a little boy] “Done! Yee-haw – I swindled America again!”
Imagine the smaller problems in our lives that donuts would help solve too.
Instead of having to come up with Something Clever To Say when first introduced to new people, once the introductions are done, quickly shove a jelly donut in your mouth. Presto! No one expects you to talk now! That’d be silly!
Donuts are sweet, glazed-covered pieces of heaven that make problems disappear faster than you can say, “My stomach doesn’t feel too good.”
So what do you say? First box is on me.