When people tell me that they “like movies,” I tend to get a little angry.

For some reason, people who say this think that it makes them Unique From Other People, but it really doesn’t.

Guess what?  Everyone likes movies!

You don’t Like Movies, okay?  You know who Likes Movies?

Steven Spielberg.

Steven Spielberg Likes Movies.

Not you.

Oh, you just saw another Independent Film?  That’s good!  So you’re telling me that you just watched two hours of bullshit that you don’t understand?  That sounds really fun!

And you’ve seen 1,453 movies?  That doesn’t mean a fucking thing to me.

You and I both know that 1,302 of them sucked.

And I’m not even counting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, because while a lot of people would say that sucked too, I’m not one of them.  I am counting Secret of the Ooze though.

Liking Movies is not something special.  It is not like telling people that you sky dive.  Someone who sky dives is unique.  Fucking dumb – but unique.

Next time you want to brag about Liking Movies to me, please just spare me.

Because while I’m sure some people want to hear how you “Were rather disappointed in No Country for Old Men,” I’m already thinking about what you’d look like after I punch you in the face.

Now that’s unique.


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49 responses to “action!


    Also? I’m laughing a bit. Beecause the obvious anger is amusing? A little?

    Yeah. That.

  2. i like when people put “movies” as an interest in their social networking profiles. who DOESN’T like movies?

    i enjoy how you find humorous anger in the most mundane details. 🙂

  3. Do the same rules apply if you’re more specific? I mean, do I still get punched if, instead of a blanket “I live movies,” I say “I dig me some Hungarian midget porn?”

    Just for example…

  4. So, then, you’re saying you like movies, right? Me too! We have so much in common.

    Dude- so much anger. I think you should go back to pot. It’ll be good for you, although your writing will probably suffer.

  5. I’m okay with people who Like Movies. It’s a lot like Liking Music. Or Liking Books. Okay, maybe not everyone likes books. But you get the drift.

    The ones that I can’t stand are the “non-conformists” who always go I liked that before it became popular. Because god forbid they should like anything us regular folks do AT THE SAME TIME.

  6. Deep breaths, my friend. Deep breaths. Idiots abound. They’re a part of life, unfortunately.

  7. i watched TMNT about a month ago. It is still awesome. Especially the Vanilla Ice concert scene.

  8. hi! just found you via a link at zombie fights shark & i’m psyched cause it clearly appears we live at the same train spot. small world!

    in any case, i’m loving this rant. similar to one i’ve ranted about people who “love music” and when you ask them, oh what kind, they say “everything.” so in love that you have absolutely no opinion whatsoever about it?? amazing! 😉

  9. I like sitting in dark rooms with strangers and absorbing rays of light and sound with my eyes and ears.

  10. Oh My Deity! I loved the original TMNT from 1990 too! That shit was classic. I mean the thing even had a Vanilla Ice Cameo… Vanilla Ice I said!

    Hey and I resent the “fucking dumb” notion. I did sky diving in January and it was awesome. Did you know that there are some highways in the US that have a higher mortality rate than sky diving? Well maybe you didn’t know that…. cause I just made it up! But still… jumping out of a plane was cool

    Also… what’s with those people who always have to mention that the book was better than the movie?!? Aaarrgh! I hate those ppl. I always tell them, “You know what I especially loved about the movie?… I didn’t have to read!”

  11. Hmmm…I’m one of those people who likes something until other people start to like it and then I don’t like it anymore.


    But maybe those people who are liking the thing that I’ve spent ten years liking on my own without someone telling me to like it in a magazine should have invested more time into learning about things on their own and less time making fun of me in high school.

  12. deutlich – Yeah, I tend to get a little out of control about stupid things. It’s a good quality, don’t you think?

    ashley – Thanks, please tell that to my therapist.

    justin – If I didn’t accept you for liking Hungarian midget porn, what kind of person would I be?

    mickey – You’re right. Pot I think just covered up my absolute hatred for most people and situations.

    lisa – Yes! You should see my hipster post. I lay into them there.

    melissa – I am trying. This is why I have the blog. Otherwise I’d probably be punching people all the time. Not good.

    julie – A classic movie. Nothing has ever made me want to be a turtle and a ninja at the same time like that film.

    sarah – Really? Nice! Clinton Hill bloggers unite!

    noelle – You sound nice.

    aaron – Hahaha – I hear you about book people. Nice man, nice.

    kiala – Oh! That’s it Kiala! Let that anger out. I’m seeing a new side of you.

  13. B2G

    I actually know people who DON’T like movies. We’re not friends.

  14. Well, you’ll probably hate me now, but I don’t give a damn…
    I’m not a big movie fan.
    I mean, they’re okay, but I get all restless and antsy unless they are really good, I’m intoxicated, or I’m being otherwise entertained – you know, sexually – but then I’m not really watching a movie, so why bother even playing it. (That’s why I would rather rent one than go pay 30-fuckin-dollars to go to a theater! Just not worth it.)
    Anyways, I think I have watched 3 movies in the last 3 years, and I am totally okay with that.

  15. Haha. This cracked me up. I also love the folks who put down every single movie they’ve ever seen and/or heard of on their “favorite movie” lists. Not to mention those same folks doing that with their “favorite music” lists too. Honestly, how are 35 movies your favorite?

    I also hate people who “discover” things before everyone else. And then they’re elitest and arrogant about it. Hate.

  16. I like movies.

    Unless they have a message.

    I don’t “do” movies with messages.

  17. Actually I do give a damn. I don’t want you to hate me. 😉
    And I lied, I do watch movies – on tv – cause then I can get up and do things during the commercial breaks (like make another drink.) Most people don’t want you pausing the movie every 15-20 minutes because you’re restless, so commercials do it for me…
    But I also have to admit, I’m one of those people that reads the book instead of watching the movie….

  18. Yeah, “Secret of the Ooze” was dismal…but what do you expect? They ditched the original April AND threw Vanilla Ice at us. What the fuck?

  19. I like to eat. Cool, huh?

  20. my man does not like movies, he doesn’t even “like” movies.
    makes me crazy.

    and alone in the movie theatre.

  21. I “like movies”, Chris. Are we no longer friends?

  22. b2g – Good for you, they suck. But you know what? Ari doesn’t like movies either. I suffer for love.

    sassy – Like I just mentioned, Ari doesn’t like movies either, so you’re good. For now.

    poodlegoose – Thanks. An yes, your rant rings true.

    kristen – I like a woman who doesn’t like to think.

    sassy – It’s all good. I love all people. Except a lot of them.

    birdwatching – I know! I was really upset about April. The new April just didn’t do it for me.

    benjamin – Yes! I like to sleep too! You get the idea.

    each – Hahaha – the things we do for those we love.

    jamie – It’s over! But please keep reading.

  23. Awesome. She just proved my point. The arrogance is stunning.

  24. nancypearlwannabe

    “Because while I’m sure some people want to hear how you “Were rather disappointed in No Country for Old Men,” I’m already thinking about what you’d look like after I punch you in the face.”


  25. wellhmmyep

    you’ve got the music snobs, the movie snobs, the fashion snobs, and all the while the majority of the shit they find appealing is a piece of recycled shit.

    oh and tmnt was always the shit…splinter makes it worth it.

  26. I really hate people in general who claim to be experts about something that is general common knowledge and based solely on personal beliefs. For example wine people. Who are they to say what wine is the best- each person has different tastes so why are they better at “tasting” than I am?

    Also, is there really a such thing as hungarian midget porn? Does anyone know?

  27. what if i said i loved movies? is that different? i’m curious now.

  28. You know what I hate? Is the people who only see movies based on some old fogies review of it.

    “Well so-and-so only gave it two stars, so I just don’t think I’m going to see it. But how funny, you’re the eighty seventh person today who’s told me it’s great.”

    Meanwhile, it’s the funniest or scariest or awesomest shit out there. It’s just some dude’s opinion dummy! Go see the movie and form your own!!!

    I like your blog. A nice place to rant 🙂

  29. Do you like…..stuff? Because I like…stuff.

    Your rant about movies applies to just about everything that people say when people ask, “What do you like to do?”

    The standard response is something like, “Hang out with my friends…ya know…watch movies…listen to music…stuff…”

  30. lisa – Nothing like some good ol fashioned drama!

    nancypearl – Thanks. Anger is funny, isn’t it? I mean, bloggy kinda anger at least.

    wellhmm – You said “shit” 3 times in one comment. That’s pretty sweet.

    matt – I agree. And I’m looking into it.

    katelin – Uh, yes. Just because I can’t think of why not.

    somechick – Yeah, I hate that too. Even just regular reviews from people that they don’t know. “oh, Jim from Ohio said he doesn’t like it, better not go!” And thanks, ranting is always welcomed here.

    big time – I was waiting for someone to say this. But I just hate for the simple act of hating. I’m very mature, as you can see.

  31. LOL, liking movies is usually the first thing in an online dating profile that tells me to keep looking elsewhere.

  32. Actually not EVERYONE likes movies. Many of my friends don’t like movies because they can’t sit through something that long. My parents don’t like movies. My sister doesn’t really like movies. And that’s just people I know. So sometimes, liking movies is interesting!

  33. aimelina

    Yeah, truthfully, I don’t like movies. I don’t think I saw a single one of the movies that were up for best picture (of course, I’m also cheap and won’t pay $10 for a movie, especially when I have netflix). But really, I’d have to say I’m more of a cartoon person.. yup, cartooonns… I is smart.

  34. wellhmmyep

    lol! i did. i did.

  35. I used to like movies. When I was little it was hard to find a bad movie, but now it seems that most of what gets churned out is special-effects-driven drivel, or “character-driven”swill that doesn’t actually know how to introduce you to the character so that you develop empathy for them. She’s some some lady down on her luck with a son who Rocky Balboa wants to schtup. Whatever.

    I’m impressed with people who like movies still, because for about 10 years I’ve had a hard time finding much to rave about.

  36. ripe with malcontent. loverly.

  37. dutchess – Yeah, those guys aren’t marriage material. Not that you’re looking to get married, but you get what I’m saying.

    jamie – I’m not convinced. Please conduct an extensive study and report back.

    aimelina – Cartoons? I don’t know, the last cartoon I liked was Duck Tales. We may have to discuss this issue.

    wellhmm – And you should be proud. Swearing is always encouraged here.

    argyle – Not one??? C’mon! What about Crash? Everyone liked that movie.

    cara – Thanks. Wait, are you laughing with my blog or laughing at my blog?

    batspit – Thanks. And I’ve got to say, “batspit” is probably the most original name I’ve ever seen.

  38. aimelina

    I think by far my favorite cartoon is Family Guy.. and I’ve been watching that a lot lately. I’ll still catch Simpsons and King of the Hill occasionally, and I like sitcoms like The Office.. but I don’t have the patience to watch shows like Lost or anything like that. I hate things that I have to watch “weekly” or I don’t know what’s going on the next week. Yeah, I watch a lot of crap basically. =) Don’t judge me!

  39. idontliketoread

    hahaha, you know I agree old friend! i was a film major, what a joke!! movies blow (Robo Cop, and Teen Wolf are the exceptions), and I am for sure dumb for jumping outta planes!!

  40. I bet you wrote this because you saw me ranting about this somewhere on the web



    yeah well. ditto.

  41. “Because while I’m sure some people want to hear how you “Were rather disappointed in No Country for Old Men,” I’m already thinking about what you’d look like after I punch you in the face.”

    This is absolutely hilarious because I feel the exact same way… and somehow the logic behind the hilarity is that if I feel a certain way about something, it is therefore hilarious…? I don’t really know where I’m going with this. Nowhere important, that’s for certain.

  42. lol.

    what about the people who are legit studying film? do they still incur your wrath?

  43. Marcos

    Speaking of sucky movies, what was the deal with “3:10 to Yuma”? That was one of the most unrealistic endings ever. I do like movies by the way. I think the fact that we go to the movies at least once a month gives us street cred.

    PS-Nardo and her man will argue that Jerry Bruckheimer is a good director and that Armageddeon brings tears to their eyes. Their movie opinions are no longer valid.

  44. Jo

    I hate people who comment on IMDB.

    They are all absolute tards.

  45. Yikes! Now I feel a little awkward about saying I didn’t get No Country For Old Men.

    Please don’t punch me in the face. Maybe my arm… but not my face.

  46. I don’t trust people who like skydiving. Not. one. bit.

  47. aimelina – It sounds like you have good taste. I love the office and I also hate Lost. They’re still on that fucking island???

    idont – I think you’ve called me “old friend” in every single comment you’ve made on here. But that’s cool with me. Old friend.

    jemi – Uh, no – but please share your rants!

    kameron – Well, maybe not. I guess it’s a case by case kinda thing. Or if I’m just sleepy.

    marcos – I liked the ending in 3:10 to Yuma! And Armageddon was fucking terrible.

    jo – Yes.

    mrstwink – One punch in the arm coming right up.

    mindy – There is definitely something wrong with their brains.

  48. I’d recently been considering No Country, might give it a miss incase I dislike it.

    Also everyone who actually “loves movies” knows the peak of all movie making was Plan 9.

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