guilty on all charges

Tomorrow I have Jury Duty.

This has happened for two reasons that I’m sure of: One, the world hates me.  Two, because things never turn out The Way I Want Them To – I know this because despite my best attempts, I am still not Batman.

Instead of going to work and acting productive for eight hours, I am going to be forced to do A Good Thing For Society, which makes me upset because there is nothing in it for me.

There will, however, be something in it for you.

Yes, because I Care, I will be live-blogging as much of the grand event as possible tomorrow, all for your enjoyment.

I know, I know.

Please, the applause is deafening.

But it’ll be fun, I promise.

There will be no lack of content – I live in Brooklyn – there is blog content when there shouldn’t be blog content.

My only worry is that there won’t be wireless in the room.  But Ari just served jury duty and she had wireless, so hopefully I will too.

If you come here tomorrow and there isn’t a post up, know that there was A Problem, and I am somewhere in a Brooklyn courthouse banging my skull against a wall.


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17 responses to “guilty on all charges

  1. Live-blogging jury duty? That’s a TERRIBLE idea.

    I’ll be reading…

  2. Oh, this should be fun.

  3. That’s one benefit of being part of a white trash family… I’ll pretty much never have to serve. There’s about a 75% chance I’d be related to the defendant.

  4. Is it strange that i’ve always sort of wanted to go to jury duty….? I think its strange.

  5. Same as Chelsea, so I will live vicariously through your feed.

  6. Does it make me a bad person if I wormed out of jury duty by crying on the phone to the jury duty people and pulling a histrionic fit like the world has never seen because I’m a single mother (lie), still breastfeeding my newborn on demand (lie), without any childcare whatsoever (lie), and there’s no possible way that I could ever report for jury duty without bringing my infant with me or at least my breast pump?

    Is that wrong?

  7. I’m so excited that you’ll be live blogging jury duty.

    It’s genius!

    What happens if they catch you?

    Will you be live blogging from JAIL?

  8. Will you be allowed to blog if you’re sequestered?

    Here’s to hoping you’re not!

  9. I’ve gotten out of jury duty once and also served it once.

    Hopefully, you won’t get called and then they just send you home and that’s that.

    I am hanged over.

  10. benjamin – Oh yes, the countdown has begun.

    jamie – I hope so. Now I think I may have put too much pressure on myself and it’ll end up being really shitty. Or maybe the New Yorker will love it and hire me full time.

    justin – Hahaha – You’d be like, “Cousin Sal? Is that you? Again???”

    chelsea – No, not strange. Ari was the same way before she went. I think it’s a girl thing. You know – being curious about every damn thing in the world.

    kristen – No, in fact I envy you and your lying. And yes, I’ll blog from jail. Me and my cellmate bubba.

    underpaid – Thanks, hopefully I won’t have to do it. But, I’m eternally pessimistic, so I imagine I’ll be there.

    kiala – I can tell. You’re usually so witty it makes me want to choke you with jealousy. That was sarcasm. Kinda.

  11. Maybe this’ll be one of those jury duties where it drags on forever. You should get those glasses with eyes on them like Homer Simpson had.

  12. I’ve just been thinking.

    Jury duty is beat. I think you really need to get into jail instead. I’ve seen like every episode of OZ there is. And I have to know. Is it really like that?

    I am so fucking hammered right now. Hey! It’s Easter and I’ve been drinking since 10:00am. (Hi!)

  13. Give them the chair.

  14. A. I hope its a gruesome case, or involving nudists.

    B. What’s for lunch?

    C. I hope Rachael Weiss is waiting on the outside for you…

  15. dan – That would’ve been a good idea.

    kristen – Thank you for the drunk comment. They’re always encouraged here.

    noelle – I wanted to. All of them.

    each – Me too, not sure yet and I’d prefer someone with more junk in her trunk – but she’ll do. Thanks.

  16. My blog life summed up: “There will be no lack of content – I live in Brooklyn – there is blog content when there shouldn’t be blog content.”

    So true. And yes, there’s wireless in the jury rooms. Brooklyn is the future.

  17. wait. you can DO that?!

    har har har

    btw .. you just reminded me I need to let these people know I moved out of Brooklyn a couple of years ago..
    word on the street is they’ve been calling me for jury duty
    and well.. we all know what happens if you don’t show up

    …*bah humbug*

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