right side down

I’m going to go ahead and put this out there, even though I know some of you will no doubt make me sad by disagreeing with me, but Seinfeld was and still is the best TV show ever created.

Hands down.

No contest.

Well, I was watching a rerun last night, and it turned out to be my favorite episode – Bizarro Jerry. For those of you who don’t know every single Seinfeld by heart (losers) it’s the one where Elaine befriends the exact opposite – the Bizarro – of Jerry, George and Kramer. It’s also the episode featuring Man Hands.

Being that I am A Thinker – and maybe because I wasn’t drunk for the first time in three nights – I started wondering, what would Bizarro Chris be like?

He’d certainly be successful.

I’m sure he’d also enjoy Meeting New People and would express a genuine interest in what they had to say.

I bet he wouldn’t think roller coasters were a sure way to prematurely end his life in a giant ball of flame and metal.

He’d probably have a cat, not a dog that eats tennis balls instead of fetching them.

Bizarro Chris would also hold back from saying things like, “You’ve got issues” to a woman whom he has just met, that was complaining about eating too much.

I’m sure he’d even be an optimist, and not make a habit of expressing the darkest consequences of every single action – including mismatched socks.

The more I think about it, Bizarro Chris is probably a much more enjoyable version of me.

But really – who wants another Nice Person in the world?

There’s enough of those out there already.

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39 Comments

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39 responses to “right side down

  1. I swear, every time I read a post about your mean-streak I chuckle.

    A lot.

  2. tiff

    bizarro George was the best.

  3. Haha… that was one of my favorite episodes too. And honestly, that is definitely one of the best shows ever made. I agree with tiff. I’m pretty sure George was the best.

  4. The best directed episode is The Betrayal (or The Backwards episode) That was genius.
    Although George is the greatest character ever, I loved The Merv Griffin Show as it was just hilarious whenever Kramer looked in to the “cameras.”
    The box sets of 9 series was the first thing I made space for when prepacking all my stuff for my Big Move.

    If I had a Bizarro Rob, he’d probably be a Playstation fan, enjoy 50Cent, think out loud while doing wild and overenthusiastic hand gestures, be really frustrated and annoyed at everything and he would probably be funny all the time rather then some of the time. And his favourite snack would most likely be cotton balls (and I do mean actual balls of cotton. I hate those things soooo much)

  5. I’m gonna have to disagree. I’m more of a Friends than Seinfeld kind of girl.

  6. Jamie – I am too!

    It seems like every dude ever is a Seinfeld fan. I really couldn’t stand George whenever I used to watch; my fiancee is quickly trying to fix this before our wedding, as he went out and bought the complete series on dvd. Oof.

  7. Bizarro Mindy would be really not-awkward, and therefore boring. We wouldn’t like her. No we wouldn’t.

  8. you and my man are on the exact same page.

    Beer: best liquid ever.
    Seinfeld: best show ever.
    Butts: better not be too small, er, ever.

  9. Bizarro Chris probably is a stand-up guy, but I bet his blog is really lame.

    Seinfeld rules.

  10. crissyspage

    Best Seinfeld episode ever:
    He took IT. OUT.

    Bizarro Kristen would be doing laundry right now instead of stuffing herself with macaroni and cheese and watching Caillou (kid’s favorite show).

  11. Dane and I have a conversation every few weeks that goes like this..

    Dane: “Something something blah blah Seinfeld!”

    Me : “Oh that was a funny one!”

    Dane: “It’s too bad we’ve seen every episode a million times because I’d really like to watch them again but-”

    Me: “I know. It would be boring and it might ruin the memory.”

    It’s not a very good conversation but we repeat it over and over again.

    We’re totally getting a divorce, aren’t we?

  12. Bizarro Chris wouldn’t blog…he would probably do something gay- like tape record his feelings…

  13. deutlich – Thanks. Me being mean is kinda a common theme here.

    tiff – That seems to be the popular sentiment, but I think I liked Bizarro Jerry better.

    poodlegoose – I’m glad you agree. I just don’t think it can ever be topped.

    robbie – The Betrayal was awesome. George in those boots the entire time! Just brilliant. And cotton balls are gross.

    jamie – You know, Friends started out really good, but then it turned into more of a soap opera and stopped being as funny. But, I guess that’s why girls like it so much.

    jessica – Your fiancee is a smart man.

    mindy – Bizarro Mindy and Bizarro Chris could be best-boring friends together. And we could make fun of them!

    each – Your husband knows Things About Life.

    mickey – Exactly. And yes, Seinfeld is fucking great.

    kristen – Yeah, that’s a good one too. “It?” It!

    kiala – Yup. You’re done.

    matt – Mental note: Destroy tapes volume 32 – 456. They were the teen years, okay????

  14. I love the bizzaro gang episode. At the end, when the two groups collide? Comedy gold.

  15. As THE foremost authority on Seinfeld, I whole-heartedly agree, Seinfeld can never be beat.

  16. I am liking this Bizarro Chris. Would he also travel, do you think?

  17. HA HA! Teen years…sure…

    j/k

  18. Bizarro Chris sounds like a douche.

  19. I’ve spent so much time trying to get into Seinfeld and I just… can’t. I don’t know! Now you probably hate ME, haha, but for some reason it’s just not that appealing to me. The best show ever? definitely The West Wing. And then The Sopranos.

    Those are my votes πŸ™‚

    (Yes, I know we aren’t actually voting)

  20. Marcos

    Bizarro Chris would also hate ice cream and like cab drivers/people in general.

    Bizarro Marcos would live in the suburbs, be a baseball fan, and hate music.

  21. Bah! Freaky Links was the best show! Sadly ahead of its time though. Seinfeld is in my top 3 though.

    cool blog, homey.

  22. thats a great episode haha
    not better than The Butter Shave though, but only because my dad is in that one..

  23. Best show ever is Newsradio.

    Fact.

    Take that Seinfeld lovers!

    P.S. I also like Seinfeld. Send chocolate.

  24. You know, when I read that I thought you said, “You’ve got tissues.” And I thought, SHIT, that is the greatest response ever to someone who’s pissing and moaning.

    You’ve got tissues.

    And then I realized it was you’ve got issues.

    I still prefer regular Chris because it soothes me to know that if I’m ever in New York, there will be someone who will take me out to make fun of people. You know where the retards hang out, right?

  25. There are two types of people in the world: those who love Seinfeld and idiots.

    My favorite episode is, of course, The Contest.

  26. seinfeld IS the best show ever created, there is no refuting that. i am waiting for them to come out with a trivial pursuit version so i can kick everyone’s ass.

    bizarro ashley would loathe chocolate or sweets of any kind and totally LOVE going to the gym. and she would never consider drinking a bottle of wine by herself.

    BOOOOring

  27. I agree with The Underpaid Princess-The Contest is the best episode.

    I would punch bizzaro Meghan in the head for not liking blogging or Seinfeld. And she would deserve it.

  28. nancypearl – Yes! “I’m sorry, but, we’ve already got a George.”

    lynne – I do believe that sounded like a challenge.

    ari – Yes, he would. He’d also watch The Hills and not bitch about it the entire time. But I’m warning you, he’s not nearly as good looking.

    matt – It’s true. I swear…

    hollywood – He sure does, doesn’t he?

    nicole – The West Wing over Seinfeld??? Yes, we have problems now.

    marcos – Hahaha – Bizarro Marcos would probably leave on songs for the entire time, not skip over them, and he’d also have a skateboard with something cool written on it, not “NEXT.”

    cruz – I don’t think I’ve ever heard of Freaky Links. And thanks.

    chloe – Wait. Did you really just say your dad is in a Seinfeld episode??? I need details! Details!!!

    rs27 – I don’t know man, isn’t Andy Dick in that show? He’s fucking horrible. But chocolates are on their way.

    melissa – Oh yes, no doubt about that. First stop – Times Square.

    underpaid – I used to like The Contest, but they wore it out by playing it too much. Still good though. The best is when Kramer caves first, “I’m out!”

    ashley – I’d love a trivial pursuit of it! But I think I’d beat you… That’s right! And yeah, I prefer Regular Ashley much better.

    meghan – Yes, yes she would.

  29. idontliketoread

    Seinfeld is my religion. Furthermore if you ever decided to be nice I would smack the mean back into you! Nice people, psshh.

  30. B2G

    I’ve never watched a whole episode. *ducks*

    But I have managed to see the best part of the “Spare a Square?” episode and the Soup Nazi one. So… life goes on?

    I love Friends. *ducks*

  31. notsojenny

    i think everyone would love bizarro notsojenny. she’d be the coolest kid on the block and she’d be LOADED! (in the $ way not the large butt way… but if she’s my opposite, then i guess she’d have that too)

    i saw a comment about NewsRadio… i have to say that it teeters right at the top with Seinfeld. damn! it’s crizzappy!

    oh yah, bizzaro me would leave short comments

  32. Let’s see…Bizarro Kiala.

    Bizarro Kiala would not tell the internet finite details concerning her occasional every day attacks of low self esteem.

    I love NewsRadio.

  33. megkathleen

    I can’t get enough of Seinfeld – the bizarro episode it pretty awesome. My favorite though would have to me when Kramer decides butter is a good moisturizer.

    I don’t think bizarro Megan would be very much fun – she wouldn’t be offensive OR judgmental. I agree with you – there’s enough nice people in the world, mean people are more fun.

  34. i was never a huge seinfeld fan, but i love the fact that there is a whole wiki page about the one episode, haha.

    and i don’t think that a bizaro katelin would be very cool. at. all.

  35. Hmm don’t watch that show – pretty sure I never have..

    Don’t disown me!!

    After some thinking I’ve decided Bizarro Kali would be no fun… No pets, she’d smoke but wouldn’t drink, she’d be a geek, she’d have no sense of humour and would have no friends…..

    See? Boring.

  36. idont – This is why you’re my best friend.

    b2g – Life Goes On? That show was terrible! And it has nothing to do with Corky. Really!

    notsojenny – Sounds like people would like her, but I enjoy long comments, so lets keep Regular Jenny. And I had no idea there were so many Newsradio fans. Blows my mind.

    kiala – But that’s why we love you! Also, Bizarro Kiala would not be very witty, in fact, she’d probably be a Republican. Sad.

    megkathleen – Yeah, that’s a good one too. Really, any episode where Newman plays a prominent role is good stuff. Mean People Unite!

    katelin – But wait, Bizarro Katelin would love Seinfeld then, so I might want her instead. Wait, Bizarro Katelin would probably hate my blog and not blog either, so nevermind.

    kali – Okay, you get a pass since you live in Ireland, so you’re good. And anyone who doesn’t drink isn’t a friend of mine, so Bizarro Kali gets the boot.

  37. ashley

    You are a special breed. πŸ™‚ But I have to agree..there are so many nice people out there. Why not have a little fun and be a little different?

  38. I read your post about how awesome Seinfeld is (heck yes) while having soup for lunch. It’s all too perfect.

    Also, that is a terrific episode.

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