incorrect

My thoughts while on the train home from work last night went something like this:

“Man, I don’t know how it happened, but somehow Boyz II Men let “End of the Road” become their defining song, when “Motown Philly” is way better – and really, it’s one of the most underrated songs of all time.”

“Wait a sec, what the fuck is that???”

“That” was this.

fucking wrong

Look at the size of that fucking bag on her hip.

Now, I know that North Face has somehow become ultra cool here, but this is taking it a step too far.

Last I checked there weren’t any mountain ranges here, so maybe you should take off the fucking gear before you knock someone out with that thing.

What can you possibly have in there?

I mean, I saw the knock-off Gucci’s you got from Canal Street poking out of there. And look, everyone knows they’re fake, so congrats on owning a pair of sunglasses that I can find at Duane Reade.

And if you don’t mind, can I just jump in there? My feet are kinda tired and I’d love the lift home. It’ll be fun! It’ll be like I’m in a sidecar on a motorcycle, only I’m sure sidecars don’t have tampons and lipstick in them. Though maybe they do.

Also, I know shit from North Face is mad overpriced, so you definitely paid too much for it. I imagine it must’ve been a tough decision: “Let’s see, this bag is fucking huge, totally unnecessary, and costs over $200… I’ll take it!”

But I haven’t even brought up the worst part yet, which makes me think that maybe you made A Mistake.

In fact, I know you made A Mistake – because no matter how much it cost and no matter what brand name is on it, you’re still rocking a fanny-pack.

fucking wrong in ‘93

Oops.

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47 Comments

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47 responses to “incorrect

  1. Ok, you need to know that everyone in Portland carries one of those things. I mean, I don’t, but I don’t have a job.

  2. crissyspage

    Wait a second…

    Fanny-packs aren’t cool?

    WTF are you talking about?

  3. crissyspage

    I’m totally kidding. I don’t have a fanny-pack.

    I guess they haven’t quite caught on here in suburbia.

    THANK JESUS!

  4. Through the entire reading I was thinking “wait, that can’t be a fanny pack, can it, no it’s got to have a shoulder strap”

    And how about how inconsiderate that she is taking up that much more space in the world. NYC is crowded, keep your bags close to your body just so you aren’t selfishly taking up too much space.

  5. Hey atleast it was a chick. I’ve seen plenty of dudes with these huge murses around here that freaks me out

  6. Damn. You must need a lot of fanny for that pack.

  7. I still think Motown Philly reigns supreme as far as Boyz II Men songs. I associate them more with that than with End of the Road, personally.

    Also, do you know anyone who, when traveling, wear those fanny packs that lay flat against your stomach so they’re hidden? And people carry their passports and whatnot in there. I went on a cruise a year and a half ago and discovered my friend wearing one. Mockery commenced.

  8. fanny packs.. oh.. the HORROR.

    why am I all of a sudden remembering the 90s in horrible flashbacks?

  9. HA fanny!

    i think they call them “bum bags” in the rest of the world as “fanny packs” would mean something entirely different, a la “sausage wallet”

  10. kiala – Really? I just canceled my flight to visit you. Sorry.

    kristen – I like how you felt the need to come back and make sure everyone knew that you were joking. Shows just how bad those things are.

    dutchess – No strap, just fanny!

    cruz – Hahaha – “Murses” I’ve never heard that before, but I like it.

    benjamin – Hahaha – You’re damn right!

    arielle – I’m glad you think that way. And I hope you pushed your friend over the edge.

    deutlich – Too much acid.

    each – I think some people might actually enjoy a wallet made out of sausage.

  11. Here in Colorado you see that shit all the time! A whole lot of tampons and lipstick.

  12. My friend stole these sweet pair of gloves from Noth Face once. I mean borrowed. Borrowed a pair of gloves.

    Was she hot? If she was hot I forgive all sins.

  13. OK PEEPS! Its called a BACKPACK! GET ONE! They will never go out of style AND they are much more comfortable to wear!! Oh and you can also add as much “flair” as you want. (please reference Office Space if you are clueless!!)

    Some people have no hope…I feel sorry for their friends and family.

  14. ashley

    oh my goodness…a fanny pack?!?! To Shame!

  15. ashley

    oh my goodness…a fanny pack?!?! To Shame!

  16. I just came back from a meeting where they informed us that we, staff of the university, are going to be eligible to get FREE tickets to see Boys II Men when they play here next month.

    Oh boy… better mark my Lisa Frank date book. Way to boost morale.

    (By the way… is Lisa related to Paul?)

  17. I’m concerned that woman will end up with a displaced hip, carrying around all of that weight in that pack. I hope she changes her ways.

  18. so uggs. i despise the northface brand and large fanny packs, that, like somebody commented on, just take up more space on the subway.

  19. I had dayglo fanny packs with Homie The Clown shirts to match! That NF is all kinds of wrong. Mine was fashionable…I think.

  20. What the… is that a North Face fanny pack?!

  21. So I kind of wish it was socially acceptable to wear fanny packs because they just seem so much easier than carrying a big purse all the time, haha

  22. At the risk of exposing my age here, I must inform that I do own a fanny pack. Before you go all Joan Rivers on me, let me explain that they were in style when my kiddies were little. Ok, I realize that was the 80’s but I keep it around in case I need to embarass my teenagers on an emergency basis. It’s very useful that way.

  23. I think I have boyz to men greatest hits somewhere.

    To me their defining song of the 90´s was slowdancing to ¨I´ll make love to you¨ in junior high.

    Need to write VH1 and tell them to make a where are the now on BIIMen

  24. Damn… Forgot all about fanny packs. That totally would have given sweater vests a fight for a spot on my list the other day.

    And, really, if you own the patent on the bloody things and earn a shiny nickel on every one ever sold, do you really need to be working one that big?

    Unless there’s a midget in there. That would be pretty damn cool.

  25. Giant fanny-packs! Awesome.

  26. I’m sorry you feel this way, because if I get drunk and leave my phone in a cab one more time, I too will be wearing a fanny pack. And you, my friend, will have to be seen with me in public.

  27. crissyspage

    I had to clarify.
    I have to maintain my ultra cool persona at all times. I cannot have people thinking I have a fanny-pack.

    Can you imagine?

  28. I just watched both Boyz II Men videos and…does that guy have a cane? I’m pretty sure it’s a fashion statement since he had no problem “getting down” in the dance sequences.

    It’s a shame that the cane as a fashion statement didn’t catch on…but stuff from The North Face has.

    Man, I really want a cane. It’s impossible not to respect someone with a cane.

  29. Marcos

    “End of the Road”

    While on tour in 1992, Boyz II Men briefly returned to the studio to record the single “End of the Road”, co-written and produced by Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, for the soundtrack to Eddie Murphy’s film Boomerang. “End of the Road” became a record-breaking success, remaining at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for thirteen weeks, breaking the previous record of 11 weeks set by Elvis Presley with “Don’t Be Cruel”/”Hound Dog” in 1956.

  30. matt – Damn, you may want to move.

    rs27 – Yeah, she was kinda hot. And her fanny was on point, so I guess we should forgive her.

    allie – I know! You know one of her friends had to agree with this purchase, and that’s not a friend you’d like to have.

    ashley – I think you summed it up quite nicely.

    oakland – I don’t think they’re related, but I’m gonna investigate, just for you.

    hollywood – Well! That was the total opposite of what I’d expect you to say, it was nice, caring and sincere – is this Bizarro Hollywood?

    jessica – Yes. Since when did arctic gear become fashionable?

    coop – Hmmm…. Homie the Clown is pretty cool, so you’re okay.

    nancypearl – Behold – it is!

    nicole – No! Please don’t contribute to this trend. Though you women do have some big ass purses, so maybe it would be good for you.

    lynne – Before you go all Joan Rivers on me Hahaha – just awesome. I would never do that to you.

    chele – I think there was one, wasn’t there? If not, yes, please head up this assignment.

    justin – I think I did see a little head peek out of there at one point, so you’re in luck.

    stephanie – Very sad. It’s not bad enough that we’re at war, but people have to do this too?

    ari – Can I wear a veil of shame?

    kristen – Don’t worry – you’re rep is safe with me.

    mineurosis – Hahaha – well said. If you get one, let me know, I’ll pay top dollar for one with a dragon on it or Something Rad.

    marcos – Droppin’ knowledge!

  31. My friend and I tried to karaoke “Motown Philly” Saturday night… it went horribly wrong and that is one of the last things I remember of the evening…

  32. I had one of those once when I was working as a production assistant in film. I think when the reality of “I wear a fanny pack because of my job” hit me, it became a key reason for my finding a new career.

  33. Back in the day when I waitressed full-time at a terrible family-friendly place, a FANNY PACK was part of the required uniform. Pretty much made me want to kill myself every day.

  34. So how in the hell do I go about not having to type my Name, Mail, and website EVERY FREAKING time I want to comment on your posts…which seems to be EVERYDAY now!

    Not sure why I have the patience to put up with it now but I’m sure it won’t last long…

  35. B2G

    She should be careful that thing doesn’t pull her pants down. Srsly, looks dangerous.

  36. Yeah, you know, I can never say “fanny pack” with a straight face, ever since I was politely informed that the Brits called them “Bum bags”. This was after a horrified look from my Scottish male boss when I showed him my cool bag and told him that converted from a shoulder strap to a fanny pack for long hikes, etc.

    Apparently “Fanny” references a whole different part of a woman’s anatomy in the UK. Heh. Embarrassing, no?

  37. Did you actually take a picture of that girl’s fanny pack? But a fanny pack. Honestly, now. You have to live under a rock these days to not know that fanny packs are definitely… not. Nope, not.

  38. motown philly is probably one of the best songs ever.

    aaaand that bag is huge.

  39. strangehappypeople

    Haha! So much anger, but it’s warranted because that thing is unnecessarily big.

  40. Motown Philly = Tha Shit!

    You know, when I was growing up in DC, me and my hooligan friends would throw things at tourists with fanny packs…I think you should’ve thrown something at her ass OR better yet, jacked her for something just to prove a point. That point — fanny packs are mad corny, yo!

  41. Guess and Louis Vuitton came out with these really hot fanny packs a couple years ago. I wanted one but my friends said they would walk on the other side of the street when I wore it. It made me sad.

  42. Really hot fanny packs is the name of my band.

    We’re kind of a big deal.

  43. Jo

    BAHAHAHHAHAHA

    You said FANNY

    In England that means VAAAGINNNNNAAAA!

    BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA

    (Immaturity over)

  44. Marcos

    90’s music and people on the subway.

  45. chandra – If that’s the last thing you remember, then it sounds like a really good night to me.

    noelle – Yes. And I hope you put that in your letter of resignation.

    big time – Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’d feel the same way.

    allie – Wow! Someone is a little moody! Hey, I just write here, there’s not much I can do about that.

    b2g – That would’ve made for an even more entertaining ride home.

    sassy – Yeah, that’s probably something you don’t want to happen.

    poodlegoose – Yup, she was right in front of me, so I took advantage of her stupidity.

    kaetlin – Yes!

    strangehappy – Yeah, I do have a lot of anger. It’s what makes me special!

    boogiemonsta – I would, but I think I got over the “jacking people” stage when I was seventeen. Okay, more like last month.

    meghan – Your friends were only looking out for your best interests.

    kiala – That’s you??? I love your first album “You Can Put Your Tissues In Here.” Fucking classic.

    jo – Hahaha – It does??? This is the most proud I’ve ever been about my blog. And please, continue the immaturity.

    marcos – Yes.

  46. I thought fanny packs were outlawed.

    I guess that was just wishful thinking. At least this way you can spot the losers from far away. They’re like signs.

  47. Pingback: close to the edge « surviving myself

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