As a man in a Long Term Relationship, I realize that there will come a day – a day that has not been set yet – that I must get married.
And I’m fine with this.
Really, any dude in a Long Term Relationship is already married, we just don’t have the paperwork yet.
The thing that I’m not fine with, is having to wear a ring.
I don’t want a ring. Why? Oh, I don’t know – maybe because I’m not a woman or in an Emo band, so I don’t wear jewelry.
Why should I start wearing some once I get married?
I see the looks on newly wifed-up dudes, they’re not happy with having to wear a ring.
Me: [Looking at the ring] “So, what, you gotta wear that thing like all the time right?”
Wifed-up Dude: [Looks down at the ring, then at the floor] “Uh, yeah.”
[My brain is thinking]
Me: [With a confused expression] “Even when..”
Wifed-up Dude: [Cutting me off, still looking at the floor] “All the time man. All the time.”
Me: [Still confused] “Well. That just doesn’t seem right to me.”
[Wifed-up Dude looks up at me, shrugs his shoulders, and accepts defeat]
Of course me being Resourceful and Full Of Solutions, I know what to do about this – I’ll have a card.
It’s perfect right?
It’ll be a card that has all my vital information on it, my name, address and a photo of myself. Then in bold print it’ll state at the top “This Man Is Married. Please Report Any Funny Business.” Of course the number to report Incidents to will be Ari’s.
Also, the card will be laminated, because we all know that things that are laminated are Very Important.
This is what I want – a simple card to carry in my money clip saying that I’m married – not a ring.
I’ve suggested this idea to Ari multiple times, but for some reason, she is Not Receptive and tends to give me the “you’ve said something stupid again” look whenever I bring it up.
But I haven’t given up on it, because I think this is a Good Idea, and I never give up on those.