white people like dog shit

Two posts in one day? I know. But I thought you might enjoy this little exchange I just had with a woman while I was walking Jack.

[Approaching two thirty-something black women standing on a corner]

Woman: [With attitude] “Are you curbing your dog sir?”

Me: [With more attitude] “Uh, yes. I always do.”

Woman: “Well, I hope so, because there are a lot of people who don’t and it’s disgusting.”

[I’m walking away]

Me: “Yeah, well, whatever, I always do, so I don’t know what to tell you.”

Woman: [Now yelling] “Well we didn’t have this problem before you white people moved here!”

[I stop walking. I turn around to her.]

Me: [Yelling now too] “Oh! It’s because I’m white! I let my dog shit everywhere because I’m white – of course!”

Woman: “Uh-huh, that’s right!”

Me: “So let me get this straight: White people do it, but black people don’t. That’s how it goes?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m not prejudiced that’s just a fact!”

[People are now stopping and staring at us, which is something worth noting, because it takes a lot for people to stop and stare here]

Me: “Oh yes, of course! Well, I’m just glad that there are people like you around to keep things straight!”

[I start walking again]

Woman: “Yeah, you white people are terrible. You, the Jews, the fags, the lesbians and the spanish people are…”

Me: [Cutting her off] “Oh that’s right, I forgot about them! They suck too!”

[I walk away with Jack. He seems confused, so I give him a treat for not being white]


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38 responses to “white people like dog shit

  1. tiff

    wow, she forgot to take her metamucil or something.

    I love white people!

  2. Whoa dude. People in NYC are ca-raaaaazy.

  3. Wait a minute… You’re white? I knew there was something wrong about this blog. It was so much better before your kind showed up.

  4. strangehappypeople

    Ugh, I’m embarrassed to be black right now.

  5. Man, I would’ve been lost from the start. What the hell does “curbing your dog” mean? Picking up their shit?

    I wish we could find her again and really dig into how dog shit on the sidewalk fits in to the plan to keep the black man down. Make it so?

  6. My neighbors let their dog shit in my yard all the time.

    They’re white and so is their dog and so are we so I guess that figures.

    We live in suburbia and most people are white, Catholic, and heterosexual.

    Imagine how much dog shit there would be if we let in the Jews and the lesbians?


    That woman needs to be put to sleep for spewing dog shit out of her mouth.

  7. Wow… that is interesting. Us damn white people!

  8. I am so glad she didn’t say Indian people.

    We still rule! USA! USA!

  9. Yeah, what is curbing your dog? I mean, I know curbing your tires, but what’s curbing your dog.

    And furthermore, I think she’s exactly right about every single race ruining it for the rest of us. It’s like a daisy chain. Except filled with dog feces and terrorism.

  10. I’m white, and I totally love dog shit.

    Also, I didn’t know what “curbing” meant either. At first I thought it meant something violent because I saw on a mobster show once how someone broke someone else’s jaw on a curb and then I thought “You know, if this Chris character is breaking his dog’s jaw that is pretty rude”, but then I remembered that you’re not Italian. Damn Italians.

  11. I’m with Mindy, “curbing” sounds like something ultra-violent to do to your dog.

    I totally get it though. Once this white guy took a dump outside our office. He totally did not curb it and just left it there.

  12. Hahaha- it’s so true that it takes something INSANE for people to stop and stare in NYC.

    I remember one time in college when three cops were literally pinning a man to the ground while he repeatedly yelled “I’ll get you with my fat ankles” and tried to attack them. I was the only one who even seemed to notice.

  13. Damn. When I lived in New York none of that exciting shit happened to me.

  14. Damn. White people suck. And that woman was not predjudiced at all. Nope.

    And poor Jack. He really shouldn’t be exposed to ignorance like that.

  15. tia

    it’s a good thing she clarified that she’s NOT PREJUDICED, cuz i’d hate to hear what she had to say if she WAS.


  16. She didn’t mention the Asians. I feel so marginalized.

  17. There is something Larry David-esque about that scene.

  18. You should have gone over and shit on her shoes.

  19. You should’ve stopped her after her prejudice comment and yelled out—Woogie boogie Ni***, Woogie boogie!

    PS: Dave Chappelle might laugh, she might stab you.

  20. tiff – Me too!

    arielle – Yeah, that’s usually the case.

    justin – Don’t hate what you don’t understand!

    dan – We stand out more.

    strangepeople – Don’t be. She was obviously one of a kind. And really nice too.

    benjamin – I will seek her out. She might not like that, but I’ll kill her with kindness. Or just kill her.

    kristen – You must take control of your neighbors dog! You should collect it all and dump it back in theirs.

    jamie – I don’t know what the hell is wrong with us.

    rs27 – You may have one this time, but we’ll be back. We’ll be back…

    melissa – It’s picking up your dog’s shit. You can get a fine starting at $250 and up to like $1,000. I imagine the bigger the shit, the bigger the fine. And I think you should run for president. You have my vote.

    mindy – Hahaha – but I am half Italian. So you half hate me.

    jack – Hahaha – for reall??? That would make my week if I saw something like that while at work.

    nicole – “I’ll get you with my fat ankles” Hahaha – that may be the greatest quote I’ve ever heard. I would’ve been watching right there with you.

    lissa – You got incredibly lucky.

    poodlegoose – I know! He was sad until I gave him that treat.

    tia – Exactly.

    lisa – No one hates the Asians, you’re too smart.

    robbie – Why thank you!

    lynne – Hahaha – man, if I was that awesome, I think I’d be rich and famous. Or maybe in jail.

    cruz – Yes! Man, I miss Chappelle’s Show.

  21. You know what’s funny about this is that I had actually started a blog post about the dog shit problem happening in my yard when I discovered that you had a dog shit related issue of your own.

    And I was thinking of just getting a shovel and pitching it over the fence into their driveway.

    We are of one mind, my friend.

  22. Wow, just how I wanted to start my morning…jumping right in to dog shit!
    HAHA! Thanks!

    you should have just told her, “Crack is wack, lady! Crack IS wack!”

  23. I have never really understood what “curbing” your dogs means. Does it mean that you are supposed to make your dog take a shit in the gutter?

  24. What are black people?

    Am I supposed to curb them too?

    I don’t know what I’m saying.

  25. FRM

    *Holding down head in shame*

    Boy my people..my people…


    I blame BET for this. It’s rotting their brains.

  26. That Saddity Chic

    Your gonna run into sucky people like that sometimes. So glad you put her in her place though. Most people seem intimidated by the “angry black woman” Shit I’m black and sometimes they intimidate me lol.

  27. I gotta say, the assholes (every one of them white!) who let their dogs shit right under my window really piss me off. It never occurred to me to blame it on race, though. Thanks for setting me straight.

    Kill whitey!!

  28. Ohh… man… I would’ve ended up throwing something at that bitch.


  29. kristen – That’s why our blogs are friends.

    allie – I will next time, but the crack heads who walk around sometimes in the daylight may jump me.

    rebecca – Something like that.

    kiala – I bet there’s what – three in Portland?

    frm – BET is the fucking worst, isn’t it? It’s like they don’t even care.

    sadditychic – No way. I don’t back down from anyone. Which sometimes is a bad thing.

    mickey – I am here as a distributor of truths.

    deutlich – I should’ve.

  30. Hanging my head in shame for black women everywhere!

    I don’t blame BET, I blame her ignorant ass mama!

  31. Holy shit – and you didn’t punch her? At that point, I would have dropped my pants and taken a dump on her and yelled, “White people don’t let their dogs shit on the ground, white people just shit on the ground.”

  32. I’m white and I let my dog shit everywhere.

    yessss. perpetuating the stereotype.

  33. So does this mean that I can start yelling at random black people for the success of Tyler Perry?

  34. I guess she wouldn’t find the humor in http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/ now would she?

  35. diva – That’s true. I should leave BET alone.

    mrstwink – You are awesome for saying that.

    maxie – Hey, at least you’re honest.

    birdwatching – No, please do.

    allison – I guess not. She didn’t seem like she had a very good sense of humor.

  36. What the freak? That woman had ISSUES. Sorry that she took it out on you.

  37. Okay- this is a shameless plug, and I’m okay with that. But, i *just* found a story about white people, dog poop, jesus, and garden gnomes last night! ah– synchronicity!!


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