sing you bastard, sing

If you go to the gym every morning like I do, you begin to take notice of certain “regulars” who are there at the same time as you.

I have nicknames for all of them, and they are all entertaining in their own ways. Over time I’ll post about each one, but my favorite, is The Singer.

The Singer sings along to his iPod – at the top of his lungs – from the time he gets to the gym to the time he leaves.

From looking at him, you’d expect him to just be a Normal Dude, but he clearly is not. He has a song in his heart and he wants you to know it.

The songs he sings are always about love and relationships, and he even puts inflection into his singing, like he is right there with the band, belting out his feelings about a scorned lover.

The Singer is always there and he is always singing.

When I am just finishing my run. “But you don’t LOVE ME anymore!”

When I have just finished a set of curls. “Why HAS HE LEFT, he was my ONE and only!”

When I am getting dressed to go to work. “Oh you LOOK lovely, YOU are my baby!”


And I hope you don’t think that The Singer is limited to just singing.

Because the man can dance too.

Just this morning – as he was getting ready to do some bench presses – he dipped his shoulder, shimmied his hips ever so slightly, gave the mirror a Sassy Look, and slipped smoothly onto the bench. Oh yes, he was also singing, “GIRL, it’s time WE TOOK the next step!”

I’ve tried to identify the songs that he sings, but I never can.

If I could, you better believe I’d jump right in with him, sing my ass off and try (TRY!) to simulate his Dance Moves Of Sexiness.

The Singer makes my mornings at the gym go by quickly.

I can always count on him to be singing and dancing – straight into my heart.


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51 responses to “sing you bastard, sing

  1. tiff

    this is beautiful. Sing on, singerman.

  2. He must have a good singing voice? Cause otherwise I would want to kill him in a slow painful manner….

  3. um if this is real? I want to go to that gym. It sounds QUITE entertaining.

    You should videotape him and post it here.

  4. i’m that asshole, singing at the top of her lungs, everywhere and all the time

    it’s the most fun in my cubicle.. like when my boss walks by.

  5. Inappropriate, Mr. Singer. A shimmy and pose? Terrible. Of course, if we could get a full list of your song selection and turn it into a podcast or playlist? Then you are my best friend and I will make you famous.

    Why is it that I always want to meet the crazies you post about? Oh right…because I’m slowly stealing your life.

    Nice apartment, by the way.

  6. I would want to kill him.

  7. Sing. Sing a song. Make it sim-ple to last your whole life long. Don’t worry if it’s not good e-nough for any one else to hear. Just sing. Sing a song…

    La la la la la la, la la la la la la, Lalalalalalalalaaaaaa….

    Funny as hell. I love that guy.

  8. lbootier

    Hm…I wonder if he knows (or is) the shower singer in my building…

  9. What you don’t know is that the iPod isn’t even on. He’s singing to YOU.

  10. I never thought love music could be so motivating.

  11. I wish I had his confidence. Or obliviousness. And his dance moves. I have nothing.

  12. strangehappypeople

    That’s quality entertainment. Does anyone tell him to quiet down or do they all enjoy his singing sessions?

  13. This is what I love about life. The little bizarre people that decorate the outskirts. The leather fringe of our lives…

  14. tiff – Yes it is. Yes it is.

    sassy – His voice is horrible – but it’s the passion! It’s the passion that makes it perfect.

    maxie – Oh yeah, he’s real and loving every minute of it!

    deutlich – I bet he’s going to give you a raise. If you sing songs he likes.

    benjamin – Hahaha – ignore the mess please!

    lacey – I know, but I must embrace him, otherwise I’d never get my work-out done.

    kristen – I think he loves you too.

    lbootier – It’s him! I bet it is. We need to join forces like The Hardy Boys (you’re a woman, but it still works!) and solve this mystery. I just hope this is easier than The Secret of Pirates Hill!

    melissa – Hahaha – I could only hope.

    matt – Oh yes, when Barry White comes on my iPod, I suddenly feel much stronger.

    mickey – You have your blog man! Never, ever forget that.

    strangehappy – No one bothers him. You can actually tell the new people because they’re all, “what the fuck is wrong with this dude???”

    Oakland – I’m going to tell him you called him Leather Fringe. I think he’ll like that.

  15. This is amazing. Does your phone have video? This is what video phones are made for!

    Also, I am dying for a Jack photoblog. That is…if you are up for the challenge.

  16. Dammit, Dammit, DAMMIT! I was just going to post on this.

    Please tell me he is busting out the Carlton. Thats what I’m envivisioning in my head, so I’m going to roll with that.

  17. Wow, this is even worse than the guy that’s always at my gym, watching CNN on the mounted TV and listening to it through the little headphone system on the treadmill. You’ll often hear things like:

    “That shit aint right”
    “Man, some fuckas just aint got no sense”

  18. Shit. The above was me. stupid address saving deafult shit..

  19. I want to be that guy’s best friend. Seriously.

  20. sorry…having a stupid day. ugh. is it too early to start drinking yet?

  21. Marcos

    I think the world would benefit from a youtube video of the singer.

  22. It made me feel a little better on this shitty day to think of you grinning along to the Singing Man At The Gym.

  23. Oh gosh, I never understand people who sing in public. It always seems as though they don’t realize that other people can actually HEAR them.

  24. I used to work out at this place where this middle-aged woman would dress in one of those leotards with tights and a headband and leg warmers – you know, like Olivia Newton John…except fatter. Anyway, she would have her headphones on and be lifting weights (with poor form, I might add) and she’d always belt out various tunes from godknowswhatdecade. Everyone just looked at each other and smirked. And she never caught on.

  25. B2G

    As long as he doesn’t start singing “Girl You Know It’s True” I’m liking this guy. But if he does- RUN AWAY. A Milli Vanilli fan is no friend of yours.

  26. I am CRYING from laughing. In the office. People are looking at me weird. This was beautiful.

  27. If you go to the New York Sports Club in the Theatre District, I know who that guy is. I used to see him at the gym all the time. Now, I go to a gym where you get kicked out if you grunt. It feels civilized in theory, but I miss the drama.

  28. callmekp

    He has a song in his heart and he wants you to know it.


    He sounds like fun. How much would we, your loyal readers, have to chip in to get you to bust out some harmonies? And record it? And YouTube it?

  29. You’ve got to be kidding! Singing love songs? Loudly? And this is a manly man??? No way.

    No way.

  30. jamie – I may have to take you up on this. I will have to hold him still and not let him eat pens, so it may be hard, but I will try.

    rs27 – Picture the Carlton, only much sexier.

    birdwatching – I got ya, I knew it was you. You should do the same thing to that dude, start yelling obscenities right after he does.

    lauren – I bet he has like a million friends.

    marcos – Without a doubt.

    nancypearl – Thanks! Glad to be a sunny moment. That was a very odd thing for me to say.

    stephanie – I know, right? Dude has no idea. None.

    mindy – You know you were tempted to “get physical” with her. You know it!

    b2g – You are very right.

    big time – Thanks! Please tell them I said “sorry” and “I’ll make it up to them.” But I won’t really.

    noelle – Maybe he moved on? I go to a Bally’s on 32nd.

    kp – Not much. Maybe a bag of Raisinets.

    coop – He is! I swear. I’ve seen him lift 10 pounds over his head, while singing and dancing. Insane!

  31. The singing man would make me mad. I don’t like working out with Other People.

  32. bloggingbarbie

    1. this is hilarious.
    2. but also (i’m sure) quite annoying.
    3. i make up names for gym regulars as well.
    4. i’m glad that i have enough willpower to keep my singing urges on “the inside.” (as documented by most recent post.)
    5. i can’t believe i just stumbled on your blog.
    6. i really like it.
    7. i need to stop numbering my comments.
    8. because it’s creepy.
    9. awesome.

    kthxbai. πŸ™‚

  33. tia

    is this a test where you talk about “some guy you know” when it’s really you, just to get some feedback? because if that’s the case, i love it.

    if not, that dude’s off his rocker.

  34. BWHAHAH!!! I KNOW THIS GUY!!! Does he wear really tight clothes and stares at himself way too much! If so, its gotta be my X…Stupid gym singing bastard!
    Kick him in the balls for me the next time you see him. And if its not him, well…. do it anyways, at least it will make for a good entertaining post!

  35. a) it’s a she and I doubt it

    b) check your e-mail, mister blind man.

  36. See, at least you have patience for the gym people. I, on the other hand, give them disdainful looks and try my best to instill shame and embarrassment.

    Creepy thought, what if the guy isn’t listening to anything and the songs are just in his head? Ya, that’s why we can’t take chances.

  37. that is awesome. granted i may get annoyed with it, but i can imagine that a singer is probably highly entertaining, especially that early in the morning.

  38. FRM

    This is exactly why I don’t work out…. *as I chew on a Twinkie.*

  39. kiala – I know – me neither. But I try and be nice. Sometimes.

    barbie – Thanks! And feel free to number your comments as you feel necessary.

    tia – No, it wasn’t me. I wish it was, that guy has some moves!

    allie – Hahaha – No tight clothes, so I don’t think it’s your ex. Though I will mention your blog to him tomorrow to see if he has a reaction, just in case.

    deutlich – a) man, I was gonna say it was woman too! b) I know, I’m an idiot.

    dustin – No, I’m usually right there with you. I like to give looks of disdain, it makes me feel good.

    katelin – Exactly. He makes me not hate the world for a little over an hour.

    frm – Twinkies??? Really?? I bet those things make your kids have four arms. But the creme filling is tasty.

  40. megkathleen

    This post is about you isn’t it? It is, I’m positive. So, tell us, what’s your favorite song to sing while working out?

  41. Holy crap. It’s 1.30am, I’m siting in my living room in the dark and I’m laughing my ass off. There is something wrong with this picture of geekiness.

    I’m going to bed…

  42. I applaud you finding this endearing, because I would HATE it and probably be all kinds of furious.

  43. That’s so funny. I do the same thing…name people I see everyday at the gym. I unfortunately don’t have a singer.

  44. WHAT?!?! I made YOU laugh?!?! Man
    I’m glad I could pay you back at least once!! I think I’ve got 2131790489348 more to go before we are even…but who’s counting?!?

  45. Ooo, there was a Ms. Singer at my old gym. Perhaps they’re related?

  46. Yeah I dont recognise those songs either. He’s sing for you.

  47. I wish there were more people like him in the world.

  48. megkathleen – Hmm… “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go?”

    kali – Thanks! And you are not a geek! All my readers are The Coolest People Around.

    nicole – Thank-you. It’s all about giving in. He’s gonna be there, and he’s gonna be singing, so you might as well join in the Sexiness.

    1218 – I’m sure there’s someone who is equal to The Singer at your gym. Look closer. Although, that might be unpleasant.

    allie – Of course! And I do believe that was the most question marks and exclamation points I’ve ever seen in one sentence.

    robbie – I knew it!

    pinkjelly – You and me both.

  49. I am laughing uncontrollably at the dip and sway of his hips before he sits on the bench. I had a mental picture. I wish I could be a witness and if you joined in, that would make my whole day

  50. DDG

    hahaha, so funny!
    your writing is really good!

    *you’re probably going to hate me, because I actually had a good laugh just now over lolcats. sorry about that one. πŸ˜›

  51. Pingback: age is nothing but a number « surviving myself

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