I think that I may not be as smart as I think I am.
Every morning, when I come into the office, I take off my coat.
Usually, I’m thinking about Something Important, like how I wish my life was like Perfect Strangers, because Balki would always make me laugh at his Funny Foreign Ways.
Then – with this pleasant thought still in my brain – I go to hang up my coat. And every single time, I get shocked by the doorknob on the closet door.
This happens every fucking day of my life.
Okay, Monday through Friday. Or maybe not even that much, if I happen to be “sick” and stay home, which really means that I’m watching Sportscenter.
Tell me, what is The Deal with static electricity? It doesn’t help anyone. It’s not even beneficial to society, like public toilets.
Every day it gets the best of me.
I reach for the doorknob, get shocked, and then: “Fuck!” Luckily, I’m usually in before the boss, so my yelping obscenities hasn’t had too much affect on my job status. Yet.
I don’t understand.
We are an Advanced Society, right? How is it that no one has tackled the epidemic that is static electricity?
We have phones that can take pictures of Ugly People (I don’t do this, other people do this) and yet we live in a world ruled by little electric shocks that either make your hand sting or make your clothes stick to you in a way that makes people wonder if you’re homeless.
Well, today was the last straw for me.
No more being outsmarted by static electricity.
I’m going to dedicate all of my time, money, and Wits to defeating it. Or maybe I’ll just bitch about it some more and do the same thing tomorrow.