Alright Madonna, that’s enough.
Do you hear me? That is enough!
I love your old stuff, you know, the albums you made back when you had talent.
But your new album Hard Candy is about to drop – and as your favortite blogger – I’ve got to tell you that you need to stop.
Please don’t make any more watered down songs with every single pop star out there in hopes of getting some love from fans.
I see you have songs with Timbaland, Justin Timberlake and Pharell on Hard Candy. And of course you threw in the obligatory song produced by Kanye.
I’m sorry, but it’s not going to work.
You haven’t had a good album since Ray of Light, and even that was a stretch.
Also, do you realize that you’re forty-nine (about to be fifty in August) years old???
Let me tell you something.
It is not okay for a forty-nine year old to do this:
You’re an old lady, okay???
Old ladies, whether or not they are one of the greatest pop sensations of all time, must wear pants.
You should be at home, caring for your kids and trying not to freak them out with your Kabbalah teachings.
Or, if you’re feeling bored, go adopt (steal) some more brown babies from far away countries – I hear rich people just love those brown babies!
Just stop making this shitty music, because it is over for you.
And if you do that for me, I promise to keep Open Your Heart on heavy rotation on my iPhone.
You can count on that.