I was in the shower after the gym this morning, when I noticed something odd on my shampoo bottle.
Below all the shit about washing, lathering and repeating (who repeats? Really, once is enough unless you roll around in dirt for a living) there was some text that read, “Satisfaction Guaranteed. Any questions or comments, please call…”
I would like to know, who actually calls?
You know someone calls.
There is someone out there, who between living their life and trying to Be A Person, finds time to place calls to shampoo companies with comments on their products.
I wonder what the comment would be?
I mean, if it was me, I imagine I’d say something like, “I’m really enjoying the suds this stuff makes. I used to use some other shampoo, and it didn’t make nearly the amount of suds that your product makes. What is it about suds that makes me think the more there are the cleaner I’m getting? Well, whatever you’re doing, the amount of suds is suckering me into spending ten dollars a bottle, so keep it up!”
What else could you possibly say about shampoo?
The fact that my satisfaction is guaranteed is even more amazing.
How do they know what my shampooing experience must be in order for me to be satisfied?
I could be really picky about shampoo and never be satisfied. Sometimes I don’t eat grapes because they’re too small, so maybe I’ll never be happy with my shampoo and call them everyday about it.
And what do they do if I do tell them I’m not satisfied? Do they send me a new bottle? That wouldn’t be smart, now would it? Maybe they send me my money back – that would be smarter. The smartest thing to do would be to send me something I’d have no way of not being satisfied with, like a rubber band ball, those things are awesome.
I think maybe I’ll go ahead and call them, just to check in. Tell them that I did shower this morning and yes, I am satisfied.
I think that will make them happy – and that’s what I like to do – Make People Happy.