When I was eighteen, I got my tongue pierced.

My friends and I, on the last day of senior week at the beach, decided we’d all get something pierced and I went with the tongue.

I decided on the tongue because it felt Rebellious and it was Something For The Ladies – if you know what I mean.

If you don’t, that’s fine too, because I have no idea either.

I had that stupid piece of metal in my mouth for about six years, mainly because I forgot about it being in there.  Eventually I took it out because it was stupid and it didn’t make me a rebel like Che and it was Time To Grow Up.

How fucking dumb is it to get something pierced as a way to be rebellious?

I remember when I got it I was thinking, “I won’t conform to this society!  I won’t do it!”  And then I went into my room, wrote shitty poems and listened to The Toadies.

When I have a son and he decides that he wants to Rebel Against The Man, I’m not going to let him do something stupid like I did.

Son: [Approaching me in my Man Room] “Dad, I’ve been thinking, I’m gonna get my eyebrow pierced.”

Me: [Still watching the game] “Oh yeah?  Why would you do something dumb like that?”

Son: [Getting the disapproval he wanted, and now excited] “Because I want to, okay?  Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t!”

Me: [Commercial is on, so I look up] “Look.  If you want to be rebellious, do something truly different.  Don’t do so many drugs that you forget what you ate for breakfast.  Maybe even get a career that doesn’t make you want to punch yourself in the skull from nine to five everyday – that’s rebellious.  Not getting a piece of metal stuck through your face like some idiot.”

Son: [Shocked and unsure what to say]

Me: [The game is back on] “Good talk dude.  Let’s play some pool when the game’s over.”

World’s Number One Dad?

Fucking right.


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54 responses to “revolutionary

  1. Haha! My brother went through something similar when he told my dad he wanted a piercing: “You know you’re going to look like a dumbass, right?” My brother never got anything pierced.

  2. Honestly bro, getting your tongue pierced is probably the most un-Che-like thing you could ever do. So glad to hear that time in your life has come and gone. You’re a better man today, and your son will most def be a better man for the words of wisdom you’ll be able to share dur to your “rebellious” experience. I award you, World’s Number One Imaginary-Dad right now!

  3. Oh sweet dear friend. I too got my tongue pierced when I was traveling in Europe. I had it done in Scotland, I thought it was so so totally awesome. It made my mom cry and that made me so totally rebelious. Then it chipped one of my molars. Then I realized all these tacky tacky fucking people had them. And then I too took it out.

  4. notsojenny

    yah, make sure to talk him out of the tattoos too… i regret mine from the day after.

    and i hope he gets you a mug with that slogan. you deserve it.

  5. I got my tongue pierced when I was 18, and my parents made fun of me for weeks by talking “dlike dis” copying the speech impediment I gave myself because of the swelling. But that didn’t stop me, I kept the damn thing in for years, until I got bored with it one day. The best way to get your kids to not do something is probably to do it yourself.

  6. My sister in law dated a guy who had a Prince Albert, and told me about it as a girl talk type secret.

    And then we were all out having drinkies one night and I was trying so hard not to ask if I could see it that I accidentally called him Prince Albert.

    True story.

  7. I probably shouldn’t drink anymore, huh?

  8. Kids are going to do what they want regardless. You did…I did, the best we can hope for is that those types of stupid fads are long gone by the time our kids arrive.

  9. The fiance had his labrett pierced around that same time. It’s been gone for years and I never saw it in action, but the photos are priceless. I’ll stick to earlobe piercings and my tattoos. The oldest tattoo is 12 now and I still love it.

  10. I pierced my tongue at 18! DUMBEST IDEA EVER.

    Fuckin’ eh.

  11. And you’re not going to dress them like idiots. I remember a previous post talking about that.

    No piercings. No idiot clothes.

    Father of the year.

  12. You know what they say about guys with tongue rings.

    I’m asking, what do they say?

    Che just killed someone because of this post.

  13. Ben

    I’m just going to make fun of my kids for having two dads. Freaks…

  14. strangehappypeople

    Haha, rebel by being normal! It’s sad that that’s the only way to get noticed anymore.

  15. jessica – Your Dad sounds like a good man.

    aaron – Thank-you! I don’t have a speech prepared though…

    oakland – Right, so you knew my pain. We were both dumb, but now we’re not. Right?

    notsojenny – I’d drink out of that mug at all times. I’d take it everywhere and people would get sick of seeing it. But they’d just be jealous.

    noelle – And you always had to rinse your mouth out with Listerine a thousand times a day, remember that? What the fuck were we thinking?

    kristen – Hahaha – that’s awesome. Not the prince albert – that’s fucking gross. There is something seriously wrong with someone who would do that to their little soldier. Get it? He’s a solder because he goes into battle and always comes out victorious! And no, don’t stop drinking. No one is fun sober.

    matt – That’s true, but there’s always another stupid fad right around the corner.

    melissa – I hope you laugh at every picture.

    deutlich – I think 18 was The Year to do it. Dumb ass-ness is high at that point.

    justin – Done.

    jamie – Thanks! I am going to be great!!!

    rs27 – He also killed about a million already for all the kids who wear that shirt and have no idea who the fuck he is and what he did.

    ben – Hahaha – my friend’s Dad is gay and the best text I’ve ever recieved in my life is this one from him: “I have three Dads.” His Dad was dating someone and his Mom was too. Best Text Ever.

    strangehappy – Sad as in good.

  16. It’s vindicating to hear people who have made those dumbass decisions realize the idiocy of their teenage ways.

    No way should you miss a chance to make fun of your kid for getting something pierced, though. Tell him to get two and then take pictures. It’ll be real funny ten years later.

  17. Nice Che reference.

    I dyed my hair during my rebellious days. I had bright fire engine red streets in my hair at 17. I thought I was so cool! Now i realize that I looked like a candy cane. Oh well.

    My kids are staying far away from piercings. Maybe not hair dye, though. They need SOMETHING to regret. And at least that washes out without a scar.

  18. Is it REALLY that good for the ladies? I’ve heard the rumors, but I’m skeptical…

  19. I remember your tongue ring. Also, pool table? Seriously? Like where, next to the kegerator?

  20. idontliketoread

    hey you prick, I still got like 3 metal things stcking outta my face! allthough the eyebrow ring I got during our seinor week was infected and green like a week later, so whatever.

  21. And then you hand him a beer and a box of condoms and also, throw him in the river to teach him to swim.

    THAT is what Dad’s do.

    Ok, I didn’t really have a Dad. I don’t know what they do.

  22. I shot pool last night and made not one, but two bank shots. No kidding. I’m awesome. I also had my tongue pierced and my navel pierced. And I bought drugs at a Travelodge. Because I was young.

    And when I was 13, I had mall bangs. I think this is just as bad and I wish my mom had shaved my head and home schooled me. And married me to a 47 year old man who would then beat me and impregnate me and then beat me more and then get married to our children.

    So many regrets…

  23. Keef

    hahaha! “good talk dude”….hahaha, tears at my office desk. Thanks for the laugh

  24. Good call on taking it out. My sister had one for years and one day she went to the dentist he was like, you have two cracked teeth and your gum line is eroding. You think it’s time to take that ridiculous thing out?

  25. Marcos

    Mandy used to have the pierced tongue also. I would always wake up to the sound of her rod thing clicking against her teeth as she slept. I guess she dreams of eating peanut butter or something. I eventually convinced her that toungue piercings are dumb and have slept better ever since.

  26. B2G

    My dad said if I ever dyed my hair an unnatural color he’d shave it all off in the night. I think you guys might have been friends.

  27. Seriously, what does that “something for the ladies” mean?


  28. sarah c

    i got a tongue ring when i was 18. and couldnt talk for 2 weeks. and later chipped my tooth on it and had that fixed. im 30 now, and i still have that muther fucker, cause goddamn it i paid $80 for it. but now i might be the only one left with one. you should’ve stuck out the “everyone has one” stage–it’s rebellious again now.

  29. I did the whole piercing/ tattoo thing but for a different reason. The pain is great to me. Does that make me a weirdo? Oh well, what’s done is done!!!

  30. HAHA I totally went through this. It was the only way I could be bad but GOOD! My best friend and I were like…hummm what to get pierce? I already had my nose done, so Tongue? No, to outright whore-ish. Belly, no b/c I don’t want a scare later. Well I guess we’re going below the belt…OK!! haha!

    Not sure how or why we agreed but we both had it for about 5 years until the same thing happened….we forgot about it and decided we needed to grow up. Althought I still wish I had it.

  31. Did I really just admit that to everyone?!?! CRAP!

  32. Best Dad EVER!!!

    I had a similar rebellious tingle when I was 15, which is when I started bugging my parents to let me get my tongue pierced… however, having braces at the time, we all decided that was just too much metal in one pretty little face.

    SO I waited until I was 19 and working for a company that did not allow visible tattooes or piercings (and we worked in bathing suits all day, so our “hidden” space to work with was fairly limited!)… I already had two tattooes, but I decided that I didn’t have enough holes in me… so I went with the nipple piercings.

    WORST. PAIN. EVER!!! But I do like them. I still have them– I think the girls look a little TOO naked without them!

    I didn’t tell my dad (I don’t think his heart could take it. Nor do I think he wants to know about anything that goes on in any of the “regions”), but my mom has seen them and said that if I had to do something different… at least I didn’t pierce my tongue and talk with a lisp!

  33. mickey – You my friend, are brilliant.

    lauren – Yeah, fire engine red is not good for anybody. Except the fire engines of course.

    mindy – I think it’s just an urban legend. Like unicorns or, wait – unicorns aren’t urban at all. They’re kinda lame actually. So just forget all that.

    ari – Of course!

    idont – Go listen to Possum Kingdom.

    kiala – I didn’t either! Yay! Or maybe that is kinda sad.

    melissa – Hahaha – I want pics of the mall bangs please.

    keef – No problem bro! And Chris Paul for MVP! A little Hot Route for you there.

    nancypearl – Dentists are smarter than me.

    marcos – That’s right, she did! We were so cool. Not anymore though.

    b2g – I think so too.

    cherryride – I think it has something to do with flowers and kittens.

    sarah – You’re right! I’ll go get one tomorrow.

    diva – Yeah, that’s kinda odd. But hey, you do you!

    allie – Yes. And now every single guy that reads this is clicking onto your blog.

    jenbun – Uh, you know your Dad reads this blog right? Right???

  34. Kat

    I always thought I’d get rid of my navel piercing once I hit 23, but it turns out that a once-pierced bellybutton looks incredibly sad with no ring in it. Like, literally sad — like a little, droopy, frowning face.

    Oh, and about the peeing thing: No. Totes not judging. Please come back and share your wisdom.

  35. idontliketoread

    I will give you $100 if you can name 1 other song from that album!… no Internet!

  36. I have mine pierced… since I was 19… wow that’s almost 6 years ago. And true story – it was pierced in my dorm. Ha! (By a piercer, and he sterilized everything).

    I don’t really think about taking it out though… I kinda like it. 😉

  37. I have a friend who has a friend who got his tongue pierced by someone and pierced some nerves and can no longer taste Ketchup. Yeah.

  38. haha, definitely a good answer for your future kid.

  39. kat – Turn that frown upside down! I guess you can’t can you?

    idont – You got me, no way I can do it and you know it.

    lacey – Hey, I ain’t mad at cha!

    meghan – That would be hell to me.

    katelin – Thanks. I think I’m prepared for anything! Unless they don’t like sports. That won’t go over so well.

  40. Slightly Disorganized

    Hmmm. Your tongue ring and my Belly Button Ring can hang out together at the cast-off rebellions of our youth support group.

  41. YES!!!!!! So does that make you my wingman?

  42. Will you marry me?

    I’m going to give my kids those speeches too, where they re so confused they end up doing the right thing…

  43. megkathleen

    I got my nose pierced when I was 18 and all my dad said was, “It looks like you have a big zit on your nose. Way to go kiddo – nobody will ever date you now.” Oh, and my grandpa wouldn’t look me in the face until four years later when I had to remove it for a job interview.

  44. When I was 17 I thought of getting my belly button periced to be “rebellious.”

    Then I noticed my best friend’s mom had one and that went out the window that very second.

  45. yep, you’d make a great dad. my dad dissuaded me from getting a tongue piercing with those same lines and i turned out a-ok.

    so i’m a case in point – your hypothesis has become a theory.

  46. Today I told my son he should get his face tattooed to look like Tweety Bird’s face. After reading your blog I feel really bad. Maybe he’ll grow into it.

  47. Damn, your dad should write a book on how to parent. I’d buy it!

  48. JessNYC

    LoL, that’s awesome.

    My ex had a tongue piercing (er, has – I’m assuming he hasn’t taken it out) and it wasn’t really as awesome as people say it is (for the ladies). haha

  49. LOL

    I was just telling my mom that this chick got an implant of a heart INSIDE of her head so that her skin on her temple stuck out in the shape. Seriously, wtf does that?

    I never was that way. Anyways, you’ll be a kick ass dad. 😉 How old are you btw?

  50. slightly – I think they’d be friends!

    allie – Uh, you need a woman, but I’ll be a temporary one if you want.

    mspuddin – Yes. As long as you sign a pre-nup.

    megkathleen – Hahaha – your Dad is awesome.

    kiera – Exactly, no one wants to do something a parent is doing.

    nico – Sweet! So you’re telling me that basically I’m a scientist.

    qanzas – I think so. Well, I hope so.

    todd – He would if he wasn’t a piece of shit! Hahahaha – oh, that’s sad…

    jess – I knew it was a lie when they told me it made a difference. I wonder if they were lying about other things?

    amanda – What??? I think I need more details on that. And Thanks! I’m 13. No, I’m 29.

  51. I remember ‘that time’. I got my eye brow pierced when I was 18 and then followed that up with a tattoo.

    My friends thought I was gay lol. They are not use to eye brow piercing on guys. I ended up taking it off.

    Dude…screw puppies. Eye brow piercing are the real babe magnets.

    Girl – o0o0 does it hurt!? Can I touch it??
    Me- you can touch something el…

    Allllll right.

  52. I rebel with tattoos. Thats the cool way these days.


  53. tia

    haha “something for the ladies”.

    such a generous man.

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