Everyone falls in love, right?
At one point in your life, you’re going to feel all squishy inside for someone and then want to show everyone how you feel about that person.
So you buy them flowers.
Or you hold hands. But hopefully not for too long because holding hands is just so un-fucking-natural that it doesn’t make sense to do it for more than a block or two.
I can take seeing couples Being Sweet to each other and all that crap, but I can’t take Extreme Public Displays Of Affection.
This morning on the way to the office, there were two couples who crossed this line.
One woman was hugging her boyfriend the entire time. I was on the c for fifteen minutes. She hugged this dude for fifteen fucking minutes.
It almost drove me insane.
I was this close to blurting out, “Okay! We get it! You love each other! Now just stop it, please? Grab hold of the rail like everyone else and stop being such a fucking idiot.”
Then there was the couple sitting down in front of me.
They were making out.
I could see their fucking tongues go into each other’s mouths and it almost made me choke them to death.
And I think I really might have if choking someone to death wasn’t Frowned Upon by the police. Because then they’d arrest me and I’d have to go to jail and I’d probably join a gang and then become Leader Of The Gang because I’m good at coming up with nicknames and gangs always have nicknames for the members.
The worst part about these two couples was that they were both in their late twenties.
They weren’t teens with Raging Hormones and zits.
I don’t need to see that you’re In Love.
Because while things are great and you can’t keep your tongue off his cheek now, half of all people who get married get divorced.
Snuggle Bear doesn’t like hearing that does he?
No, Snuggle Bear doesn’t.