Look at you.
Look at that beautiful smile.
And the hair! My god the hair! Do you know what I’d do for hair like yours???
I’d eat a monkey.
Yes, Ernie, an entire monkey. Not cooked or anything – I’d just pop that sucker right in my mouth.
You are The Great Ernie Anastos – news anchor for New York’s beacon of news reporting Fox 5 – and everything goes your way. You rule this city with teeth that can be seen from the Jersey Shore.
But while you are this amazing example of What A Man Should Be – I must admit – I’m worried about you.
I think you need to take a break.
How will the people get their extreme right wing news in this city without you?
That is for them to worry about my good friend.
I know, I know, you enjoy coming up with new things for people to be unnecessarily scared about, but let someone else take over for a little bit. Yes, I remember Bird Flu! That was a classic Ernie, no one will forget that.
But what you need is a break from all this quality news reporting.
Come hang out with me, we’ll have a couple beers, and we won’t talk about how great the war in Iraq is going.
No, Ernie, not even for a couple minutes.
It’s time. Let’s kick back and let the people see Casual Ernie.
You beautiful son-of-a-bitch you.