I have a wedding to go to tonight, so I thought I’d put together a To Do List.

I hear that People Who Have Their Lives Together do these kinds of things, so I thought it might help me.


To Do For Today:

(I think this is a good start – a title makes things Important)

  1. Make it through work without thinking too much about how I’m left-handed and I should get some kind of reward for that because it means I’m Unique and maybe even Awesome.
  2. Get cash out of ATM for booze, booze and some more booze. Also donuts.
  3. Memorize the lyrics to Return of the Mack because it is one of the greatest songs ever.
  4. Call Ari during lunch and recite memorized lyrics, once finished, wait for her to praise me.
  5. Once off work, give myself dap for A Job Well Done.
  6. Shower. Don’t forget behind the ears, people look there during weddings.
  7. Put on new suit.
  8. Smile at myself in the mirror because I look like a sexy beast. Or maybe just George Clooney.
  9. Get to the wedding On Time. This is What Adults Do.
  10. Try not to get too drunk.
  11. Having failed, try not to tell too many people that their shoes are ugly.
  12. Absorb Ari’s multiple discussions with me about “How to not be an asshole.”
  13. Go to after party.
  14. Drink more.
  15. Shake what my momma gave me.
  16. Catch cab home and try and prevent Ari from being mean to cabbie, like she always does when she’s wasted.
  17. Make grilled cheeses and Stuff Face.
  18. Go to sleep.
  19. Try and dream about being Batman.
  20. Wake up tomorrow and hate life.

I think that about covers it.


Filed under Uncategorized

49 responses to “organization

  1. Ok, first off please excuse the d-bag “phoist” comment I left above ^^^ I have to remember this is not

    And Return of the Mack is effing awesome! But that guy had a huge ego tho. I mean how can you praise yourself as a “Mack” who is “Returning” when that was your first (and only) hit song?! Anywho, I applaud you for even attempting to learn the words of that song tho… and I hope you realize that when you memorize that songs it’s gonna come out as a drunken slur later tonight when intoxicated! Just giving you the heads up

  2. You forgot that you were hoping to catch the bouquet.

    It’s a good thing I read this blog.

  3. penelope23

    I love Return of the Mack.

  4. I don’t understand.

    So you’re going to a place where there will be people? On purpose? And you don’t start drinking until step 10?

  5. Don’t forget to goose the bride.

    They love that.

  6. this list is very similar to my list for every weekend if you take out the wedding crap and replace return of the mack with young mc – bust a move.

  7. aimelina

    Chris, you a very ambitious man. I am impressed.

  8. Return of the Mack IS awesome. It came out on the radio right about the time I went through a breakup. It was my theme song when getting ready to go out for a long while. Ah… good times.

  9. Return of the Mack is freaking P-I-M-P!

    Have fun tonight!

  10. aaron – That is a good point, but man I just love that song.

    melissa – I knew I was forgetting something!

    penelope – Of course!

    justin – Hahaha – No, I’ll be drinking before then I’m sure of it.

    kristen – Done.

    julie – You are about as cool as it gets. Add in that you live in Pittsburgh and your coolness is overwhelming.

    aimelina – Why thank you.

    sassy – That’s what that song is made for. “You lied to me…” Get ’em Mark!

    allie – You know it! And thanks, I’m going to try.

  11. so no drunken toast? How can there not be a drunken toast?

  12. Rachel

    I knew I liked you…I’m left-handed too and spend many a day thinking about how unique and AWESOME that makes me.

    Have a great night tonight and remember that #10 cannot precede 1-9, or else #12 will likely go on for days, only slightly changed because instead of avoiding asshole-ness, you will embody it.

  13. I didn’t know you could get donuts from an ATM. That’s pretty kickass. The only food I ever got from one was a piece of gum stuck next to the keypad, and almost all the flavor was gone.

  14. Organization

    is how it’s spelled.

    You’re welcome.

    (Have a super time at the wedding please.)

  15. These George Clooney delusions of yours never cease to amaze me.

  16. Time to bust out that new suit! Check it, check it out. Have fun and definitely don’t forget behind the ears. The old ladies sitting behind you at the wedding will dog you all night.

  17. when I read this, I first thought you wrote “Get booze from ATM” and I thought….holy hell I need to move to NYC right now so I can live in a world where automated machines dispense alcohol.

    have fun 🙂

  18. Left handed huh?

    I’m sorry.

  19. You cook grilled cheese when you’re drunk? Sounds like trouble. Also sounds like the first thing you’ll puke up.

    Good luck with the list.

  20. Nom

    I’m wrong-handed as well and believe I should get some sort of monetary gift for all of the times I have tried to use power tools, sit in a desk in college or use a kitchen appliance (I’m looking at your can opener) and felt my life was endangered. 2,500 left-handed people die annually using right-handed products. I read that on a bathroom wall so it must be true.

  21. That may possibly be the best to do list I have ever laid eyes on!

    except maybe #10…but you made up for it with 14, so I cant knock you.

  22. I hope you keep this list in your pocket all night! hahaha
    Who can remember all that??

  23. You forgot “High five myself for being this effing funny”

  24. kelly t – I am banned from doing that.

    rachel – You are very, very right.

    fort knocks – Well, that was just rude of the person to leave gum without any flavor left.

    kiala – You are nice to me.

    jessica – What delusions???

    1218 – Fucking old bitches.

    ashley – Man, that would be sweet.

    mindy – You’re jealous – obviously.

    mickey – No way man, I make a mean one and it is soooo tasty.

    nom – Oh it is. It is.

    matt – Sweet. I’m trying.

    jamie – It’s all in my head. Trust me.

    keri – You’re right! And thanks!

  25. I really hate “RETURN OF THE MACK”… I mean really

  26. She said she’d never turn on me! Thanks for reminding me of that song. 2 points for you, sir!

  27. Sounds like a plan man.

  28. Wait a sec you have to pay for your booze at the wedding? Who doesn’t do open bar these days? Talk about total weaksauce. Anything other than top shelf liquor for free means I do not attend the wedding. I ain’t going if there ain’t nothing in it for me.

  29. I somehow doubt that Ari gets mean with the cabbie…

    but mayhaps I am wrong?

  30. I don’t think I have ever not laughed at one of your posts, I love it. Have a grand ole time at le wedding.

  31. OK, that shouldn’t be a to do list just for today, that should be every single day!

  32. Don’t forget to touch the bride’s mother in inappropriate places.

  33. I’d skip right to the grilled cheese if I were you.

  34. notsojenny

    good luck sticking to your list. and if all you do when you get drunk is tell people they have ugly shoes you’re pretty lucky. i would say much worse.

    Lefties Unite!

  35. I agree with Mega. Cash bar is for suckers. Although it could be NO bar, like the wedding I went to in October. For realz. Dry wedding. It was a shame.

  36. tiff

    ohmigod return of the mack! YES. the perfect wedding song, coupled with This is how we do it!

  37. That was an awesome list. I wish my day was that fun filled. Enjoy the wedding, but more importantly enjoy the grilled cheese. Mmmm.

  38. Ha, you hit just about all the points on that list. Have fun!

  39. big time – I’ll give you some of it if you want – you can have #19.

    diva – No! Are you serious???

    cruz – Any time!

    dmb5 – It is, it is A Perfect Plan.

    dan – No, no, no. The money is for after the wedding. It is open bar of course.

    deutlich – She really does! It’s quite the scene.

    katelin – Thanks! That was nice of you to say.

    dutchess – You are so right.

    rebecca – Adding that to the list…

    noelle – But what about Mark Morrison???

    notsojenny – No, it actually does get much worse, but I have to be An Adult because we’ll be around family. Lefty too??? You are awesome.

    arielle – No, there is an open bar. Dry weddings would not see my face. You’re a better person than me.

    tiff – Another classic! “All the gang bangers forgot about the drive by!”

    lauren – I will! And thanks!

    brookem – Oh yes I will do my best.

  40. I stole a Return of the MAck cd single from the campus radio station I used to work at.

    In other news, I am lame.

  41. please drunk blog.

  42. I’m with Maxie for the drunk blog.

    And do the drunk speech. You KNOW you want to.

  43. My friend loves Return of the Mack too. I actually requested it at a club once and then felt weird after. And weddings are meant for getting too drunk and not remembering what happened. I don’t really see any other reason for going to one.

  44. That is a FANTASTIC To-Do List!

    I hope you didn’t hate yourself this morning. 🙂

  45. tia

    can’t WAIT to hear the follow-up post on this one.

  46. B2G

    I hate to break it to you, but MILLIONS of people are left handed. You’re not unique. Awww…

  47. eyesaswindows

    OMG that list is pure genious… except I’d rather dream about being Ivy but Batman world none the less

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