silence is golden

I’m a man of few words.  If you don’t know me in real life, you can tell this because my posts are never much more than 350 words.  And no, that’s not because I’m not smart enough to come up with more to write about.  Stop thinking that.  Stop it!

It’s because there isn’t a lot to say.

Things About Life can be summed up a lot quicker than most people think.

Person: “How do you feel about the continuing war in Iraq?”

Me: “Bad idea.”

Person: “Tell me about your childhood, what was your relationship with your father like?”

Me: “I drink a lot.”


There is no need for lots of words.

Life is really not that complicated.  Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it doesn’t.  That’s really it folks!

Because I’m a man of few words, I cannot stand people who talk a lot.

It drives me fucking crazy – especially in the morning.

Just a couple minutes ago this guy came into the office just blabbing about complete nonsense.  Well, it wasn’t really nonsense – it was just stuff that I didn’t want to hear about – which to me meant it sucked.

He started talking and all I could think was this:

Shut the fuck up!  No one cares about your wild experience at Starbucks on your way here!  No one!

I didn’t say that, but I did say, “Wow!  Someone took some fucking energy pills this morning!  Let’s take it down a notch, okay?”

It got my point across because the room got silent right after I said that.

This moment illustrates my point – there is usually no need to talk.

When you think you have something to say, think about it for twenty seconds and you’ll probably realize it’s dumb or you can say it with a lot less words.

Now let’s all play the quiet game.

First one to speak gets a fist in the eye.


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52 responses to “silence is golden

  1. spitfiren


  2. You’re plenty smart enough to write 351 words. Plenty smart.

    And then this morning I was drinking my tea and surfing blogs and I was thinking, the internet is a wonderful place and I wish I could hug the internet and I love the internet and the internet is my best friend and maybe I should get an iphone so I can look at the internet all the time even in my SUV while I’m driving and running over bunnies because I love my SUV. No, I do. It’s because I’m from California. And I love everything California, like boob jobs and fast cars and palm trees. And I don’t live there anymore because I also love affordable housing.

    I have a lot of thoughts that are very important and can’t be summed up at all. Ever. Not ever. Never. Don’t ask again.

  3. Marcos

    I’m the same way. My phone conversations never last longer than a couple minutes. I talk only to convey a specific message. Damn, we’re kinda like robots, dude.

  4. when i was young we used to play “Quaker’s meeting.”

    Quaker’s meeting has begun
    No laughing
    No talking
    No chewing chewing gum.

    This is why I hate when people “catch me up” on whats been going on in their life. I dont care. Stop talking, and lets do something fun.

    People dont listen, they just wait for their turn to speak.

    I dont listen and prefer not to speak. Some people call that rude, but I call it who the fuck cares what you call it.

  5. aimelina

    ha.. reminds me of the game “Giraffe” that my mom always used to try to get us to play on long car rides when we were kids. What noise does a giraffe make? Exactly. They don’t. So we had to mimic the giraffe and be quiet. That always lasted.. ohhh… 5 minutes.

  6. Hi, I’m Shelly—want to come to Missouri and have a cup of coffee with me somewhere?

    I can drone on and on and on about…..NOTHING…at lightning fast talking speeds, I might add. I would LOVE to share all my ups and down’s with raising teenagers with you. How I hate having money issues, weight issues, acceptance issues. How I love to read your blog….that you are really funny….how I laugh out loud at the stuff you say. Don’t you want to read and COMMENT on MY blog? How my fantasy as a teenager was to run away and live in NYC…….and here I am a small town mom/wife/employee that’s never been anywhere very fun (except Puerto Vallarta—I can tell you about that, too). I can switch topics (back to ME and MY needs) at the blink of an eye. I can tell you the WOES of MY situation (that mimics one you had) over and over and over.

    Yeah, you wouldn’t probably like me. Even though I can be very likeable.

  7. If you really said that to dude, I will be so impressed. I would even proclaim that you, my friend, have HUGE cajones… but only if you really said it.

  8. I love how one of the “possibly related” posts, how a lot of words are going to change life, is a link to a 1,000 word essay.

  9. see now i feel like leaving a comment will lead to a fist in the eye. and i have enough problems today.

  10. spitfiren – Well said.

    aaron – Hahaha – very good sir.

    melissa – You should get an iphone. See?

    marcos – Yes. It’s better that way though, right?

    kelly t – Hahaha – we should hang out. Don’t worry, I won’t listen to you and you don’t have to listen to me.

    aimelina – Your Mom tried, so dap for that.

    shelly – That was pretty impressive.

    sassy – I swear to god I really did say that. No lie.

    ari – I saw that, stupid fucking wordpress.

    ashley – I would never punch you. I swear. Unless you said the Steelers sucked.

  11. I tried to just submit a blank box as a comment to demonstrate that I wasn’t talking because talking too much annoys you, clearly, but it didn’t work and now I’m disappointed and I hate to be disappointed and so I’m pissed.

  12. You know who sucks? THE STEELERS.

  13. I am by myself most days all days and what happens is I go to Whole Foods and then overshare with the person bagging my groceries.

    It’s awkward.

  14. we should all communicate via charades.

  15. So I guess you don’t want to hear about how I almost had yogurt and granola for breakfast, but at the last second changed my mind and had a bowl of Special K with red berries.

  16. I’m with you. People use to think I was shy until they realized I just don’t feel like talking sometimes. Talk away fuckers…(can I swear here?)

  17. nancypearlwannabe

    I imagine the old biddies here would smack me in the face if I told them to “take it down a notch”. Which could be funny, I suppose.

  18. the rule in my office is “dont ask rachel for ANYTHING before 10:30a, and don’t even think about doing it without bringing her a cup of coffee.” i’m not even lying a little bit. it’s nice to make the rules.

    i don’t believe for a second that you are a man of few words and i have the gchats to prove it, so i’m calling you out on that one.

    and if thats the case? um, you’re going to HATE me. i never shut up. it’s part of my charm.

    ps. brachiosauruses rule! go FLYERS. ha.

  19. That is SO true!

    When I was in Philly this weekend, this overly-friendly lady at the cheesesteak place was offering up her opinions on all things touristy in the area… and just going on and on and on. My husband wanted me to ask her a question and I said that I didn’t want to get stuck in a 20 minute conversation about crap.

    Sometimes you just want people to shut the fuck up.

  20. kristen – That would’ve been pretty cool.

    mindy – And…. friendship over.

    kiala – I hope they’re nice to you at least.

    rs27 – Toads.

    meghan – Yes, can you see what I’m doing now???

    hollywood – Only if you follow it up with a story about how awesome I am.

    cruz – Of course! Fuck, shit, bitch, ass.

    fort knocks – You are one of the lucky ones.

    nancypearl – It would be funny.

    rachel – I need a rule like that. And of course I like to gchat – I’m at work!

    mrstwink – Yes – you are more wise than your husband on this one.

  21. I have nothing to say. Mostly because you are so very very right, and because I’m afraid of getting punched.

  22. Wow. Ginormous Cajones.
    Especially if you said it in the tone of voice that you used in my head. Okay that sounds weird… but you know.

  23. Someone else named Arielle posted! I feel..weird. Anyway my coworkers are the masters of conversation that no one else wants to hear about. Like, comparing the furniture in their apartments. Or discussing for 4 hours what they’re going to have for lunch. And then another 2 hours on how they liked their lunches.

  24. T-Rex

    Another Rachel leaving comments? I had to change my name…

    I always have too much to say.

    Also, just got back from the movies and “Journey to the Center of the Earth” in HIGH DEFINITION 3-D is coming out soon…sporting a tremendous 3-D T-Rex. Even his arms look big.

    I’d say more but now fear 3-D fists from my desktop.

  25. DUDE! i can not tell you how much I understand and empathize with this.

    Some chick was on CRACK the other morning. Well, not real crack, but something that made her fucking talk a mile a minute over something she could’ve very simply e-mailed me and fuck..

    She mentioned how hyped she was and I said, “Yeah.. I can see that. But for a Monday? It’s a bit much.”

    She shut up and left me alone then…

  26. Ben

    Wow. It takes your posts a long time to show up on my reader. That makes me a late commenter and implies that I don’t care about your blog as much as I should.

    This is false. I zip over here as soon as possible to say witty things in your comment section that I’m now thinking annoys you to no end because it is often (always) frivolous.

  27. notsojenny

    ah man, you would hate me. i talk all the time. i’ve got to give the details… all the details. i feel like if i leave something out it’ll completely change the story. i’m okay with silence when i’m with M, but for the most part i prefer to talk. you would probably smack me.

  28. I’m like the complete opposite, I talk a little too much. Stopping right about now.

  29. This reminds me of something an ex told me before about any question I’m asking, stop for a second before asking it and ponder whether it’s relevant/going to add anything to life, etc. I hated that he thought I asked too many questions, but I can see what he was saying.

    And what you’re saying. You pose good good points.

    I concur.

  30. tia

    haha. it’s a good thing you don’t know me in real life then.

  31. dutchess – But you said I was right, so you’re fine.

    sassy – I need to do a video blog, like Melissa (Melissa Lion) and Kiala (Face of the Cookie). I tried to link them both, but I failed terribly. Just look in my blog roll, they are both awesome.

    arielle – That’s my girlfriend! I refer to her as Ari because that’s what I call her and I’m clever.

    t-rex – You have chosen a great new name. There were no dinosaurs named Rachel, that’s for sure.

    deutlich – Hahaha – we are very much alike.

    noelle –

    ben – No way, I love all of your comments with the love of a thousand grilled cheeses. Because I really like grilled cheese. That was dumb, sorry.

    notsojenny – But you’re left-handed! I would let you be and just nod so you think I’m listening.

    katelin – Most women talk a lot – it’s fine, really. Please keep talking.

    brookem – Jeez, well, I’m not as bad as him – right?

    tia – Hmmm… Perhaps so.

  32. B2G

    This is why we’re not friends. I’m a morning person, chipper as can be first thing, and I talk ALL THE TIME. ESPECIALLY about my crazy Starbucks experiences.

  33. megkathleen

    Can you do a PSA about this? More people need to be informed. Specifically my office neighbor. In fact, if you could just call her and let her know I’d really appreciate it.

  34. I lose!

    Oh wait… that says “in the eye.” Hmmm…


  35. We are the same person. I actually refused a ride to the train each morning because I didn’t want to have to make small talk before 8am every day.

    And to the old coworker of mine who insisted on badgering me the minute I walked in – I told her if my coat was still on and I hadn’t had a sip of my coffee yet, she was not allowed to speak to me.


  36. It seems like in every office there is an overtalker like that. Drives me effing crazy!!

  37. Woah you killed the morning mood pretty quick…

  38. brookem

    You are better than him.

    And I don’t even know you know you, and I’m saying that.

  39. It’s the boredom with life syndrome that makes us talk all crazy time fast. We can’t help it.

  40. b2g – Yes, morning people are not typically my best of friends.

    megkathleen – Email me the number.

    lacey – Hahaha – refusing a ride is soooo something I would do. Well done.

    kali – Hahaha – sorry!

    mickey – Because we are both awesome.

    brookem – Well, good – thanks. He must have sucked.

    rebecca – You might be on to something there.

  41. So I guess we weren’t supposed to comment on this one. Uhh oh. I know what that means.

  42. I hate the people that congregate around my desk and start to talk to me. I continue to work trying to pretend I don’t notice them and they still stand there and talk.

    Why don’t they get the fucking clue?

    I digress!

  43. I have a rule at work that people cannot talk to me until 9:00 am unless they want to die prematurely. Especially on the Monday’s…no one cares you took your kids to the damn circus last weekend, I hate children! And clowns! ….is what I want to say.

    The best trick to end mindless blabber? I just ignore them.

  44. I’m chatty.
    Ironically, I despise overly chatty people.

    How does that work?
    You’d hate me, and I’m surprised you even read the droning that is my blog.

    and btw, I think polka dots are that bad.

  45. Batman

    fuck it

  46. [nodding head vigorously agreeing with everything you’ve written especially the fist in the eye part]

  47. Pingback: Silence « Spitfiren’s Weblog

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