Sometimes I sit at my desk and think to myself, “How is this what I ended up becoming?”
When I was young I had much more exciting things in mind for myself when I got Old.
Not once do I recall imagining myself as a pseudo-writer who obsesses about his blog and sometimes wishes he could drink whiskey at his desk.
No, I had much more planned for myself when I was a kid.
First I wanted to be a firefighter. This dream fizzled out when I realized that firemen had to actually fight fires – which are hot – and not just push around a toy fire engine and say, “Vrooommm!” all day long.
Though I think some of them still do that.
After that, I thought maybe I could be a Sound Effects Man for the movies. I could make really good sound effects, like the sound of a gun or something blowing up, so I thought that would be A Good Career. I had no idea that sound effects are made by a machine and not a kid who wears green corduroys, so that idea died.
Then I wanted to be a member of the A-Team. Sadly, this idea disappeared when I was playing A-Team with some friends and I thought some girl was A Bad Guy, so I punched her like any good A-Team member would do. She was not playing A-Team with us, so I had to sit in the corner.
I got the teacher back by crawling under the desks whenever she turned her back to the class. I was a Good Student.
After The A-Team Incident, I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark, and wanted to become an archaeologist. Somehow I failed to realize that they do not actually get to kiss pretty women, defeat the Nazis and dodge boulders all day long, so that career faded for me as well.
Now, after all that, here I am.
Not fighting fires, not making cool stuff with B.A. Baracus and definitely not defeating the Nazis.
Sometimes though, when my boss edits an article of mine entirely too much, I wait for her to turn around and bam! I’m crawling around under the desks.
I guess things turned out okay after all.