cover letter

Sometimes I sit at my desk and think to myself, “How is this what I ended up becoming?”

When I was young I had much more exciting things in mind for myself when I got Old.

Not once do I recall imagining myself as a pseudo-writer who obsesses about his blog and sometimes wishes he could drink whiskey at his desk.

No, I had much more planned for myself when I was a kid.

First I wanted to be a firefighter. This dream fizzled out when I realized that firemen had to actually fight fires – which are hot – and not just push around a toy fire engine and say, “Vrooommm!” all day long.

Though I think some of them still do that.

After that, I thought maybe I could be a Sound Effects Man for the movies. I could make really good sound effects, like the sound of a gun or something blowing up, so I thought that would be A Good Career. I had no idea that sound effects are made by a machine and not a kid who wears green corduroys, so that idea died.

Then I wanted to be a member of the A-Team. Sadly, this idea disappeared when I was playing A-Team with some friends and I thought some girl was A Bad Guy, so I punched her like any good A-Team member would do. She was not playing A-Team with us, so I had to sit in the corner.

I got the teacher back by crawling under the desks whenever she turned her back to the class. I was a Good Student.

After The A-Team Incident, I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark, and wanted to become an archaeologist. Somehow I failed to realize that they do not actually get to kiss pretty women, defeat the Nazis and dodge boulders all day long, so that career faded for me as well.

Now, after all that, here I am.

Not fighting fires, not making cool stuff with B.A. Baracus and definitely not defeating the Nazis.

Sometimes though, when my boss edits an article of mine entirely too much, I wait for her to turn around and bam! I’m crawling around under the desks.

I guess things turned out okay after all.

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41 Comments

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41 responses to “cover letter

  1. wow… you had big dreams as a young lad. i wanted to be a bus driver… seriously! why did i just admit that *sigh* i’m gonna punch myself in the head now

  2. Yeah, after watching the Babysitters Club movie and reading all of their books, I wanted to be a. . . surprise! A babysitter. Right.

    And a ballerina and tornado follower and after watching Arthur (the cartoon, nothing cool), I wanted to be a trash man. I do not like trash, nor am I a man. Things really didn’t work out.

  3. Ben

    Hmm…I’m pretty sure I wanted to be a dog.

    I think we all know how THAT turned out.

  4. i’m with you. i wanted to be a doctor, the kind that run around the ER yelling things like stat! and give me 10 more cc’s of lindocain. and then i got to college and i realized pre-med meant having take Science classes and…well, fuck that.

  5. I would like to be a ballerina when I grow up.

    Or a pirate.

    PS: I pee under my boss’s desk when I’m angry at her.

  6. I can’t believe I’m admitting this….

    I wanted to be a vet BUT having just learned that a vet was also someone who served in our armed forces, whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be I said, “I want to be a vet but not the kind that goes to war, the kind that works with animals.” I got some pretty weird looks.

    By the way, I still don’t want to go to war and I still like to work with animals.

  7. If you ever wanna have a re-do for the A-Team, I’m game. Just don’t punch me.

  8. notsojenny

    isn’t it crazy?! i didn’t even figure out what i really loved doing until about 3 years ago. majoring in social work sounds so much better before you find out how much $$ social workers usually make.

  9. My career goals seemed to change weekly when I was a kid. The crazy thing is, here I am going into my second year of graduate work and still am unsure as to what I will do when I get out. So I commend you on actually having a job and not be the professional student type that I always made fun of.

  10. Do you still punch innocent girls too?

  11. I wanted to be a doctor. How boring was I?

  12. Nom

    I think the saddest part of my week is when someone asks me what I do and after I tell them they say, “What did you want to do?”

    Maybe as a kid I wanted to be stuck in a cubicle and kiss people’s asses all day, ever think of that smartass?

  13. ride5000

    wait… you skipped over the part where you describe why you CAN’T drink whiskey at work at your desk.

  14. Marcos

    We went and saw the new Harold and Kumar movie the other day. While waiting in the line (that was rediculously long thanks to Iron Man) we overheard this five-year-old exclaim,”Who doesn’t like Indiana Jones??!!?”

    We cracked up and I thought of you and how your thoughts and a five-year-olds are about the same.

  15. i totally wanted to be an archaeologist after i watched dennis the menace: dinosaur hunter. i spent an entire summer digging and wearing a bandanna tied in a neat little knot around my neck. i was a total spaz as a child.

  16. “sometimes wishes he could drink whiskey at his desk”

    YES. That is my fantasy as well.

  17. I wanted to be a counter-assassin.

    I wish I had whiskey right now.

  18. Being an A-Team member would be terrific!

    I wanted to be an archeologist’s and find all the dinosaurs. When I realized that I couldn’t re-find the brontosaurs (clearly superior to the T-Rex!), I gave up on that dream. I then wanted to become Wonder Woman. I’m still working on that one. One day, maybe one day.

  19. I want to be comfortable in a bikini when I grow up.

    Stupid models. Fucking bikinis up for the rest of the world (read:people who eat tacos)

  20. I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up… But I definetly know it isn’t what I do now.

    *sigh*

  21. I wonder how I got here too…but sometimes I do drink whiskey at my desk;)

  22. The danger of doing most of my work from home means that I frequently DO drink at my “desk.”

  23. Actually, some sound effects people have really cool jobs, at least the ones on the extended version of Lord of The Rings DVD, who seemed to be having fun.

  24. My lifelong dream is to be an NBA player. We are not done yet! Ok, yes we are.

  25. In 4th grade, we had career day and we had to dress up like what we wanted to be when we grew up.

    I went as Paula Abdul.

    I guess I didn’t care that that position had already been filled.

  26. aaron – Hahaha – a bus driver??? I think you could still do that if you want.

    poodlegoose – Hahaha – that is one wide variety.

    ben – That is just not right, you should continue to follow your dream.

    ashley – Yes, science and anything that makes me think too much is not something I want any part of.

    kristen – We would make quite the duo. Just wait until I leave the desk to pee please.

    dingo – Hahaha – screw those people. You were just smarter than they could ever imagine.

    meghan – Done. I swear I’m past the punching girls thing. Don’t listen to what Ari tells you.

    jenny – Social work is for people who don’t like being happy. I know from experience.

    dustin – You should never commend me for anything, it sounds like we’re both doing the same kinda thing.

    mindy – Only ones that make me angry.

    maxie – Hahaha – at least you had high goals.

    nom – Nice. Fuck those people and their judging ways.

    ride – Because I’ll start talking about things like how fast I can run and why zippers don’t have a grippy thing on the end to make it easier to zip up. Then I’ll pass out.

    marcos – Hahaha – that’s funny in a sad kind of way.

    julie – Hahaha – now that is fucking odd.

    matt – We need to work together to make this a reality.

    each – That’s almost as cool as being a member of the A-Team.

    lauren – If you become Wonder Woman please come by in your invisible jet. Which was just stupid, right? Because they could still see her, so what good did it do?

    kiala – You are pretty, so don’t even worry about it.

    sassy – I think that covers about 97% of the world.

    jamie – Lucky!

    nicole – That would be way dangerous for me as well. I’d start drunk texting my boss.

    noelle – I know, but they need machines!

    rs27 – You are my blogging MVP. Feel better? Chris Paul should’ve won by the way.

    hollywood – Hahaha – now maybe you could be her therapist?

  27. i am definitely nowhere where i wanted to be when i was a kid. i aspired to be an artist, then an actress and a ballerina, all at the same time. yeah that would have been pretty difficult.

  28. I wanted to be a Ninja Turtle. Or a shape-shifter. Whichever.

    Neither really panned out for me – which was unfortunate.

  29. megkathleen

    I always wanted to be a nun. Apparently, I spent too much time in Sunday school, which wasn’t just on Sundays, but Multiple days of the week. God I was such a nerd.

  30. God, I feel you. So much in fact that i’m barely functional these days when I look at my life, I want ot go to sleep. eeeee notttt gooooddddd….though could be worse.

  31. I still want to be Captain Kirk. I’m totally ok with green women.

  32. tia

    i can think of like 50 other careers for you.

    hee hee.

  33. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a ballerina-marine-biologist-artist-veternarian. Yes, I would create a brand new career track that encompassed all those professions.

    Great entry–enjoyed the read.

  34. uhm.. next time you go crawling under desks PLEASE TAKE A PICTURE.

    kthanx.

  35. all i wanted to be when i grew up was famous. seriously that was what i said. i’m in marketing now trying to make other people and or things famous. go figure.

    also, you get PAID to write things, heeeeeelllllo that is a lucky position to be in.

  36. katelin – It would have damn exciting though, that’s for sure.

    big time – Ninja turtle trumps shape shifter, no doubt in my mind. Would you use the sais? They were the coolest I think.

    megkathleen – Yes, I think you might have been a nerd.

    chelsea – Were you drunk when you left that comment?

    justin – Captains Log, 050808 – You are preaching tolerance and that is always a good thing. My oldest brother Ron fucking loves Trek.

    tia – Really? Like what? Or maybe I don’t want to know?

    holly – That would be awesome. I would like you to pursue this. And thanks!

    deutlich – For you? Done.

    alexa – Marketing is a funny thing to do. You talk all about how great stuff that you don’t really think is great is. That sentence sucked. And yes, I guess it is nice.

  37. I wanted to be a tiger. That’s it. I thought that I would, at some point, maybe go to college to earn my sinewy tail and then I’d be set.

  38. WHHHAAAAT? Other people don’t drink at their desks?

  39. As I’m reading this post for the second time today…now 10pm, I’m sad to see no witty reply to my clever never thought of before comment. THEN I realized what the hell happened today…I didn’t comment!!!! Man I’m totally off key dude! I’m asking for some serious intervention. Sinus infections blow!

    my brain hurts…

    oh and I’m sorry you never became a noise maker…even though I’m sure your mom thought you were the best noise maker in the world…and I bet she wished you’d stop making all that noise too. Oh wait, you said sound effects guy…yeah same difference.

  40. Maybe you could drink that whiskey while you are crawling around under the desks?

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