overrated

Yup, I see you.

On the treadmill looking like the best thing that ever happened to a gym.

Got the sports bra and the tiny shorts on again, huh?

Okay, I guess I have to be the one to tell you – you are not as amazing as you think you are.

I know!  How can this be???  You are thin, yes.  But understand something, this does not mean you are hot.

Nope.

No, really, it doesn’t.

See, men like women who – oh I don’t know – look like women, not little boys.  Well, yes, some men do like little boys but that guy on NBC takes care of those creeps.  I never understood why they’d just stand around and talk to the guy after he busted them.  Run!  The gig is up!  Go damnit!  Oh well.

Oh, what are those?  Gloves?  Yes, that’s a nice touch for sure.  There’s nothing I like more than a woman who wears weight lifting gloves to the gym.

It only scares me a little.

Also, maybe you could take some time and address the fact that I can see your fucking ribs and it makes me want to vomit.  Eat a fucking burger for god’s sake.  Not even for his sake, do it for me because I’m the one who sees you in the gym everyday and despite what they say, God does not see everything, he takes naps more than he should.

I know, this is a lot to hear at once.

Maybe if you didn’t walk around the gym half-naked and had some more curves, I would not have to be so hard on you.

What’s that?  No, your shoes are ugly too.

Sorry.

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61 Comments

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61 responses to “overrated

  1. *Starts a slow clap*

  2. it’s good that you like a woman with some curves – like this, right?:
    http://mindydoesmpls.blogspot.com/2007/02/lydia-hearst-ewwww.html

    yeah, i thought so.

  3. Ben

    The gym on our most pretentious street is reserved for roid-popping meatheads who go to strut around and drink water rather than actually work out. This has attracted the girls who show up with make-up on and dangling earrings flying all over the place why they try to stairmaster their way to dates.

    And we wonder why I try to exercise without going to the gym…

  4. Ooh – I hate that and I also hate when girls work out with their hair down. seriously – put it in a ponytail. The gym is not the place to look cute. You sweat, you smell… and if you don’t? Go the fuck home because you’re using the treadmill I want!

  5. Uhm.. I second this notion. Freaks me the hell out to see a chick with NO meat on her bones.

    I mean, doesn’t that hurt when it comes down to the horizontal mambo? Who’d wanna fuck a skeleton?

  6. brookem

    Agreed.

    And also, how about the meathead dudes who wear the wicked oversized satin-y adidas pants, with a toooo tight wife beater, way too much cologne and the spiked slash overly geled hair?

    I LOVE that look.

  7. Yeah, I hate the gym during rush hour. Cause there is always “those people”.

  8. I have a similar girl at my gym only worse. She sassays around to each machine talking to all the guys then goes back to her “weight lifting” with her skinny no ass! Irks the hell out of me. And I don’t need to see her camel toe in her tight little spandex short shorts. Yick!

  9. i heart you!

    good job Ari, good job.

  10. i have an idea how about i eat a cheeseburger for this girl. that will probably be the most exercise i’ve done in a few months.

  11. In Portland, the only thing the Eastside hipsters like are girls who look like boys. I’m like the anti-girl to them.

    It hurts me. And then I eat a sandwich.

  12. Marcos

    My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon!

  13. Exactly why I work out in my little gym at home. No one goes down there because they would rather go to the gym to put on a show! Sorry but I would rather work out in a room alone, I get more done and I can do all of those obscene moves that hurt like a b*tch but also contort my body into sexual position and guess what…no one is starting me down with their clock pointing to noon! YES, that was very much a Metaphor!!
    and yes Skeletors are sick! Mama got back!

  14. Haterrrrrrrrrrrr.

    Haha. Yeah, man. Let’s start a kitty to buy those broads some burgers.

  15. notsojenny

    if i actually went to a gym i’m be sad thinking you were talking about me.
    Be Nice to Skinny Girls! damnit… we’re not any happier with our bodies than the chubby girls are. why do you think she’s at the gym? yeesh.

  16. aaron – I’m taking a bow. Kind of.

    mindy – Oh my god! What the hell? I like how you called her tits raisins.

    ben – People are fucking insane at the gym, no doubt about it.

    mrstwink – Hahaha – exactly!

    deutlich – Right. More cushion for the pushin. I’ve always wanted to say that on my blog.

    brookem – Oh yes, I get plenty of them too.

    sassy – And people in general.

    justin – A place of magical and mysterious things. Like ball sweat.

    1218 – Hahaha – camel toe can be disgusting, but sometimes I like it. I know! Yes, I said it.

    each – Thanks. Ari is proud of me sometimes.

    julie – I’ll let her know of your idea.

    kiala – You are doing the right thing.

    marcos – Sing it sister!

    allie – Your use of metaphors is amazing. Also, please tell me you’ve never actually had that happen to you.

    brooklyn – Hating is what I do best!

    jenny – It’s fine if you’re skinny – just don’t act like you’re hot shit because you are – that’s what my point is. And I wouldn’t make fun of you – you like sports and are left handed!

  17. My gym is full of women in sports bras and short shorts but they are obese. You’d love it, they definitely don’t deny themselves hamburgers and they are PROUD OF IT.

  18. hurrah for you! although i’m not sure if men use the word ‘curvy’ in the same way as womens magazines do – that is to describe celebrities bigger than a (UK) size 10. THAT’S NOT CURVY. If something doesn’t wobble then it shouldn’t be classed as curvy.

  19. now this is a touchy subject for the girls. i’m not even gonna go there cause it’ll end up being the longest comment ever.

    but i know those girls well.

    and no, i’m not one of them gag.

    but i could write a whole post about the meathead douches that do the same shit at the gym. “oooooo look at my bulging biceps! too bad my penis had shrunk to the size of a mini wienie due to my steroid use”

  20. At my gym there are a lot of overweight people in tiny shorts. I kind of like this, because if one of these individuals gets on the treadmill next to me, I immediately look like I’m much better off than I really am.

    Now, when one of these incredibly skinny girls you mention gets on the treadmill next to me, I look like an overweight person in tiny shorts.

    It’s all about perspective.

  21. sadly I can’t give you the pleasure. College boys obviously don’t care who sees there flag full staff.
    I will give them a small break though, due to all the blood pumping during their hard work out! Maybe they hadn’t learned control yet.

  22. Wait wait…weight lifting gloves on the treadmill? Not hot. It’s fine for the skinnies to be at the gym rather than the Arby’s (body insecurities come in all sizes, I suppose), but goddamn. Don’t make me count your ribs instead of my crunches.

  23. Rachel

    I love you.

  24. Oh, I was going to say that I love you. And then Rachel beat me to it by three minutes. Damn you, breakfast!

    I love you.

    What a great post. And the guys who agree, I love all of you. I have so much love, it makes my hips big. Right? Not cheeseburgers.

  25. megkathleen

    I wonder if I could send this to my 95 lb coworker anonymously? Yesterday, (while she was wearing Marc Jacobs kids clothes) she was showing off her arm “muscles” to me. Yep…I’ll just print this out and leave in her inbox…

  26. I really thought that first sentence was going to end ” baby, shakin’ that ass, shakin’ that ass.”

    On a side note. bravo.

  27. Oh I hate these type of women! Did she have makeup on too? I bet she did.

    You might be my hero. Hey I’ll make t-shirts! The shirts will have T-rexs on them!

  28. I can’t believe no one commented on god taking naps. That was classic.

    Also, weight lifting gloves have no place in society, let alone on the treadmill. I mean, was she holding on or something? Because that’s the worst, when people set it way faster than they can physically go and then have to hold on for dear life. But when they fall – now that’s the best.

  29. Thank you! I have lots of ultra-skinny friends and none of them starve themselves (they’re just those fortunate people with super-fast metabolisms), but given society’s overwhelming preference for skinny, I do not feel in the least bit bad about there being one tiny voice in support of curves over visible ribs. Hollah!

  30. Ok, here’s you:

    I like big butts and I can not lie
    You other brothers can’t deny
    That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
    And a round thing in your face
    You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
    ‘Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
    Deep in the jeans she’s wearing
    I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
    Oh baby, I wanna get with you
    And take your picture

    Right?

  31. nancypearl – Hmm… I don’t know if I’d love it…

    pinkjelly – If something doesn’t wobble then it shouldn’t be classed as curvy. Hahaha – classic.

    alexa – Please write that post!

    hollywood – You’re like a sage, or maybe just a nice blogger.

    allie – What??? That is insane.

    megan – Yes, ribs should not be seen, that’s the fucking truth.

    rachel – Thanks! I’m wearing a nice shirt today.

    melissa – Thanks to you too! Hips are a good thing.

    megkathleen – Put a six pack of nuggets in there too.

    rs27 – Damn, sorry to let you down. Next post – I promise! And thanks man.

    lissa – If you make the t-shirt I will wear it and post a pic of me wearing it on here.

    ari – You love me. I would love to see someone fall, but sadly, have not yet.

    laurie – I am the voice of reason! Well, sometimes.

    kristen – That’s only the beginning.

  32. I love that someone already quoted Baby Got Back. That’s enough for me, I don’t even have to comment myself.

  33. I lol’d. Man, gyms must be weird places!

  34. Your blog only reinforces my thoughts on never joining a gym…ever.

    Also, ew ribs.

  35. I want to say the complete opposite to this one chick that goes to the gym my friend owns. She defines hotness. I’m not making any promises but i’ll try to take a pic of her. Stay tuned for those…

  36. you know what’s fun?

    watching those meatheads watch themselves in the mirror and then laughing at them. the facial expressions are great.

  37. you ready for what happened to me at the gym yesterday?

    (i usually wear a wife beater and yoga pants by the way-not like its important)

    BUT i was on the elliptical with my earbuds in and some 5 foot nothing guy with big muscles to over compenstate hops on the one next to me. He looks at me, which i can see out of the corner of my eye, but i dont look back, and he crans his neck and taps my elliptical screen. i look at him and he just smiles and does that stupid “sup” head nod. I give him a pissed/offended/ rude look and go back to ellipticalling. He proceeds to elliptical FULL FORCE- im talking machine tipping, grunting, arms flailing ellipticalling here. He tires out after 5 minutes and then hops off.

    I hated him.

  38. I also like when guys in the free weight room correct my form because they think if they show they are smarter than me i will fall madly in love with them.

    Then i tell them that i am a trainer and if straighten my arm any further that i am putting myself at risk for impingment syndrome.

    They dont like that so much.

  39. THAT’S why i never go to the gym. Because when at the gym, I wear comfortable work out clothes. I don’t wear shorts that end up being underwear. And I’m definitely not 80lbs. I go and the girls like that look at me like I’m crazy. Like I shouldn’t be out in public because I’m…sweating.

    Girls like that are stupid. Glad you agree.

  40. What do you mean IF I want to have a tractor showdown? Can we have one PLEEEEASE? Why didn’t we think of this like…yesterday? I say we do it in Times Square.

    First things first…where does one get a tractor around here?

  41. Oh man, the same thing goes for the extra super beefed up guys at the gym on ‘roid rage that ingest nothing but vitamins and protein shakes.

  42. Your judgement is the reason us scrawny gals don’t go to the gym. That and laziness.

  43. nicole – That was nice of you to comment anyway.

    nico – Thanks! They really are.

    jessica – Yes, ew sums it up pretty nicely.

    cruz – I will be.

    raych – Hahaha – nice!

    kelly – Man, this is another reason why I feel bad for women in the gym. Seriously, I see that kinda stuff happen all the fucking time.

    lauren – Right. You are supposed to fucking sweat.

    arielle – I’ll look into it.

    bigtime – Yes. I agree completely.

    meghan – I try and judge everyone equally. I really do!

  44. tia

    some dudes like chicks who look like boys.

    go figure.

    and yay for real boobies and a great ass!

  45. eyesaswindows

    I’m glad you like real women… but i think if I just wore a sports bra like her you’d still get sick… so really tops for everyone?

  46. I don’t wear sports bras (at least not on their own), I don’t wear spandex, I don’t wear shorts, and I don’t do looking like a twiglet.

    Woot!

    Also, my runners rock.

  47. you seriously rock, i love it.

  48. ride5000

    heyyyyyyy…….

    what’s so bad about tiny shorts?

  49. you’re my favorite ever, if for no other reason then this post. i’m not an advocate of “cushin”, im big on toned and curvy, not little boy. and? you just reminded me how thankful i am to have weights and a treadmill in my house.

  50. You want to know what I hate more than the women who wear just a sports bra? The women who get dressed up in OUTFITS and makeup and their hair done… to go to the gym. They are the worst.

  51. Ah. I’m a skinny girl too. Thinking I should probably cancel my gym membership…

  52. B2G

    “I know this is a lot to hear at once.” Hahahaha…

  53. This is why I wear baggy clothes when I work out.

  54. You might be my favorite person, ever.

  55. too funny! I know that being a feminist means appreciating other women’s decisions even if they don’t coincide with my own but still, when I see these girls in booty shorts and push-up bras on the treadmill, it makes me want to cry and scream.

  56. But wait, you said God doesn’t see everything and takes more naps then he should! (blink blink)

    *dead*

  57. Im in with the slow clap too (too late to make that comment an original :))

    love.

  58. aimelina

    oh man, Chris, I know I’m really late chiming in.. but my gym is basically the college gym here in my town and all these teeny tiny little girls make me want to gag. I wish they would stop hanging out at the gym and start going to the mess hall more often. When will they learn that the majority of men like a little meat (at least a little!)? Sorry.. I identified with your rant.

  59. Curvy girls throughout the land-myself included-say thank you thank you thank you! 🙂

  60. Pingback: Nobody’s watching you on the treadmill | Winning Friends with Salad

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