i’m with stupid

Yesterday Ari and I decided to take Jack, our resident nut case of a puppy to the dog run so he could release some energy and maybe make us look like Good Dog Parents.

Upon hearing the idea, Jack showed interest.

This meant that he stopped biting my leg long enough to look up at me.

I thought that was nice of him.

So off we all went, onward to a dog run that is about three miles away from our apartment. I wasn’t sure I could make it, seeing as my usual Sundays consist of Sitting Down and Watching Sports While Nursing A Hangover, but I thought it was worth a shot.

Being a city dog, Jack has developed the odd behavior of every time that he sees a patch of grass, he immediately throws himself down and rolls around.

I think he does this to remind Ari and I that despite the fact that he loves eating discarded chicken bones off the concrete sidewalks of Brooklyn, he’d much rather roll in the grass of Country Town USA.

Once Jack was done making us feel guilty for living where we do, we continued on.

We walked past the Brooklyn Promenade, with its great views of the city and the Brooklyn Bridge.

Ari and I love Brooklyn Heights, where the Promenade is located.

We always gaze longingly at the nice brownstones and imagine that if we had just four million more dollars, we’d live there too.

Then we stop because the people who do actually live there see us staring and think that we are Crazy Poor People.

The dog run is about four blocks from the Promenade, so we were there in a few minutes.

Now you’re asking yourself, “Well Chris, where are the pictures of Jack at the dog run?”

There are none.

This is because I lost track of time and forgot. Also, there was a crazy woman yelling at me about Jack and I, being a Mature Adult, was yelling back.

Ari loves it when I do this.

After the incident and on our way home, she yelled at me about my behavior.

She explained to me that even though the woman was wrong and was being insane, it is never okay for me to say to someone who qualifies for retirement, “Dude! Shut up!”

Jack was okay with everything that happened though.

He’s a bit of a bastard, and I guess so am I. Poor Ari is surrounded by bastards.

When we finally got back to the apartment, Jack decided that it was nap time.

It was a good day, so I rubbed his belly, thanked him for being immature with me, and nodded off shortly after him.


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44 responses to “i’m with stupid

  1. …and this is why these four-legged beasts are considered a “man’s” best friend!

  2. We live in a gorgeous brownshingle in the lower Carriage Heights area and we always like to throw things down on top of the Crazy Poor People and their Crazy Poor Dogs when they stare at our house.

    We don’t throw anything too heavy though.

    I mean we’re not monsters or anything.

  3. And I find that old ladies prefer to be called “butt-munch” rather than “dude.”

  4. Ari’s totally wrong. If you don’t tell these people how stupid they are, who will?

    And being an old woman is no excuse. Sometimes crazy is crazy, and it’s up to people like us to step up and remind them of it.

    Had the same problem at the zoo this weekend. Being in public is bad enough, but having some old woman and her spawn’s spawn get between me and the monkeys is inexcusable. She had to be told she was dumb.

  5. notsojenny

    i am admitedly MYC retarded, but there are $4mm homes in brooklyn? really? i thought brooklyn got a bad rap for being the “ghetto” part of NYC?

    i need a map

  6. notsojenny

    myc = nyc for people who can’t type

  7. Notsojenny-

    No. Now Brooklyn is all gentry-fied.

    Queens is the new old Brooklyn.

    After that, Long Island, I guess.

    I wish we lived in New York.

  8. Sounds like a good day!

    I like Jack.

  9. I lived on Long Island. I only wished for views like the Brooklyn Promenade!

    PS: Your dog is so adorable.

  10. Ben

    Calvin is 45 days away from becoming a ‘burb dog with a backyard versus a city dog with a fanbase of homeless people. It’s anyone’s guess to see how his story will turn out.

  11. If Queens is the new old Brooklyn, whats the Bronx? The new old old old Bronx?

    You should have told that old lady to get off your lawn. Old people like that.

  12. Is it okay if I never own a dog. I own a child and this feels like enough.

    Oh, and did I miss what the woman said? I need to know that.

    We Californians never, ever yell at people. What we do is, we wait for them to go away and then we yell. We just want everyone to feel okay.

    We can still be friends, right?

  13. i cant get over how adorable that dog is.

    I get yelled at because my dog barks at people, even though he is very nice. he just gets startled easily. I have to announce my presence before I enter a room so he does not freak out. but when i walk him, which is less often than it should be, people walk by and yell at me when he barks. because i can control it. it doesnt mean he is mean, people, he is just a very good judge of character. Douches.

  14. Rachel

    being a city child, my daughter immediately rolls around in grass too…

    she also pees behind trees.

  15. aaron – Yes, that is a good point.

    kristen – As long as it’s not too heavy, I think that’s fine. And you’re right.

    justin – Yes, this is what I think as well, they have to be told how to act.

    jenny – Yes, the homes there probably cost about 2-3 mil. The Bronx is probably the worst part of NY now, but there are parts of Brooklyn that still bring out the inner gun toter in people.

    kiala – We should do an apartment swap for a week. I promise I won’t puke in your sink after too many patron shots.

    brookem – I like him too.

    lauren – Yeah, it’s nice. Jack is adorable when he’s not trying to eat me.

    ben – That will make for some interesting times for sure.

    rs27 – The Bronx is the place where I don’t like to do, but I still have love for it because I moved there first. Intervale Avenue represent!

    melissa – The woman thought I kicked her dog, which I didn’t. She rambled on and on about how “I couldn’t handle the dog run” and how I “was an asshole.” Friends forever!

    kelly – Right, if those people didn’t suck so bad, then maybe Pork chop wouldn’t bark at them.

    rachel – Hahaha – well, at least she’s polite about it.

  16. I think there’s nothing wrong with yelling whatever you want at old people if they’re yelling at you. Just because they’re octagenarians (or younger, whatever) doesn’t give them screaming rights. Also, your dog is awesome. Nice dogs with no personalities are boring. Kind of like people with the same qualities.

  17. Very cute dog. I live in a small city, which compared to you could be called rural. My dogs have a fenced back yard full of grass to roll around in…..they can poop off leash without passersby staring (although, we often yell throughout the house “Buster’s POOPING” just to embarrass him and our teenagers). They have birds and squirrels to chase and neighbor dogs to play with (through a fence, of course). They have their own pee/poo spots and can lay in the sun at their leisure.

    Do you feel guilty yet?

  18. nancypearlwannabe


  19. megkathleen

    Puppy!!! I want one. That’s all I can think about when I read this post.

  20. I ā¤ Jack!

    I can’t believe you called an old lady a Dude!!

  21. I think the world would be a better place if only all dogs had Jack’s ears. Those ears are the cutest damn things ever.

    Also, it would be a better place if I had $4 million more dollars too.

  22. Oh my god, that FACE!!! How can you refuse anything that sweet face wants?!?

    (I was referring to Jack’s face. For clarification.)

  23. I love Jack. You, well, you’re growing on me –especially since you yelled at an old lady being mean to your dog. Love it.

    (you do know i’m just kidding, right? i love you too but not in that internet stalkerish kinda way but in the now that i know you live in brooklyn i’m going to walk around all day looking for you kinda way).

  24. I always say I’m going to take Duke down there, but it would take ages for us to get there. He’s such a slowpoke.

  25. Ah, young pups. Jack looks ridiculously similar to Seamus. And it sounds like they act the same too.

    Tell me, is Jack also horrible at playing fetch?

  26. legendofsleepyhollow

    Dude you shoulds beat the shit out of that lady.

  27. I’m kind of with Ari… I can’t get snippy with the elderly. I just think of my sweet old (and now deceased) granny and it makes me sad.

    However, I can refer to older people (i.e. anything less than retirement age) as “dude” and tell them to shut the fuck up when needed.

  28. The dude deserved it. Anyone who yells at Jack is a crotchety old bat.

  29. at least jack had your back.

    okay that sounds lame, but you know what i mean.

  30. Awww! I want my very own Jack.

  31. Funny, my friends who live in NYC were at the Brooklyn park yesterday too. I just looked at their pics on their blog! And why do people always yell at you?! šŸ™‚

  32. Edie knocked out for like 2 1/2 hours after our day at the dog park. It was insane and heavenly. Maybe next time she will stop being a sissy and have fun.

    Jack is so cuuute.

  33. Jack is loyal to the end. Good dog. Woof. Woof.

  34. Apartment swap! Puke in the sink! It’s fine.

    Wait. Would that mean we’d swap dogs, too?

    Because that would be awesome.

  35. Well it looks like you guys had a great day. Cheers.

  36. Jack wants to visit Ireland. It’d be his dream come true.

  37. The worst is when you gaze longingly at those brownstones and you realize that they are actually all closed up and no one probably even lives there full time. It. Kills. Me.

  38. arielle – Right, they deserve to be yelled at just like all the rest of us.

    shelly – Yes. Yes I do.

    nancypearl – Just have patience, I know it’s hard.

    megkathleen – I understand.

    allie – She was acting like a dude!

    mindy – Yes. And I can loan you $3.23, but I’ll need that back by next month.

    jenbun – You were not.

    dingo – Thanks! That’s fine, but please email me a picture of you so I know when to call the police. I’m kidding!

    melissa – It’s huge and nice, but yeah, it is fucking far.

    deutlich – Thanks. He think his parents are too.

    hollywood – Well, he’ll run after the ball and grab it once or twice, but he never brings it back to us and he loses interest pretty quickly. So yeah, Seamus and Jack should hang out. They’d be quite the duo.

    ron – Hahaha – I should have.

    mrstwink – Yeah, well she was right.

    meghan – She was crotchety. I should have said that.

    katelin – Hahaha – you’re a poet and you don’t even know it.

    larissa – You can have him for a six pack of Coors Light and two silver dollars.

    felicia – Hahaha – hmmm… maybe it’s me?

    jamie – Maybe Edie could lend Jack some of her laid back attitude, I think it would help.

    1218 – I think he heard that. Your comment was his favorite.

    kiala – Yes! I think ZZ and Jack are about equals. So I will leave Jack and you leave ZZ. This will make our blogs sooooo interesting and not lame!

    ashley – I like to think so.

    kali – I’ll send him over. Be nice to him please.

    rebecca – I know! I try and not think about that.

  39. I am laughing uncontrollably at you telling the old lady,”Dude, shut up”. That is hilarious. I would have been a tad bit ruder with my, ” Shut up you old bitch” line.


  40. Or maybe even kick rocks. But dude is way funnier

  41. Horatio barks at grass. He tries to bully it into submission.

  42. stealthnerd

    I don’t have a dog myself (sad face on this girl) but I went to Central Park on Saturday to watch all of the other people with their dogs. And I saw one start to do that “roll in the grass” thing you’re talking about. Then I was pretty sure it had a seizure. Turns out it was just one of those small, perpetually hyped-up dogs and it was okay.

  43. Pingback: yes he can « surviving myself

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