the best i can be

I often find myself comparing things to find out which I prefer. This usually leads to many moments of stimulating conversation and maybe someone telling me I think too much about Things That Don’t Matter.

But I enjoy it, so I do it anyway.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about Saved By The Bell, arguably the best TV show ever created.

When I was younger I used to think if I could be anyone, I would want to be Zack Morris, but lately I’ve come to understand that Zack was actually inferior to A.C. and that I was a fool – a fool! – for thinking that Zack was better.

A.C. was the fucking man.

He was the outsider – the drifter. Women love the drifters – just ask Clint Eastwood – dude gets mad ladies.

He was also the athlete of the group. Actually he was pretty much the only athlete in the entire school. He was a star wrestler, the quarterback on the football team and he was also on the basketball team.

A three sport star! How many sports do you star in? That’s what I thought.

Oh, and did I mention that A.C. was a drummer and a dancer? Yes. Soak that in my friends.

Did you ever notice how he called Zack “Preppie” and Jessie “Momma?” That’s because A.C. played by his own rules!

Zach was nothing compared to A.C.

Sure he got some girls and he ended up with Kelly, the prize of all Bayside, but overall he was pretty lame.

Zach always got busted because of his stupid schemes and his best friend was Screech.


Why the hell would you choose Screech as your best friend???

Also, because Zack was always getting busted, Mr. Belding always kept his eye on him.

Meanwhile, what’s A.C. doing?

Oh just being the gangsta that he is and winning championships for the football team.

A.C. Slater is clearly the choice here.

He is the better man in every way. Something for us all to strive for, someone that we can all look at and think, “One day damnit. One day I’ll be just like him.”

Well, aside from the jheri curl.

I think I’ll pass on that.


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54 responses to “the best i can be

  1. Duh.

    Zach chose Screech to be his best friend because Screech’s dorkyness made Zach look cooler in comparison.


    Is that why my blog and your blog are friends?

    So my blog can make yours look cool?

    IS IT CHRIS???

    IS IT?

  2. yeah, based on the dreads, do you REALLY think you can look down on the jheri curl? 😉

  3. A C had the dance moves, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

  4. stealthnerd

    ah-may-zing. (yes, it was so amazing phonetics were required). I ponder things like this every morning when I watch Saved by the Bell while I’m getting ready for work (because clearly I’m an adult). But because I’m a girl, I have to decide who I would rather date, Zack or A.C. After seeing A.C. in Holiday in Handcuffs I knew he was the clear choice.

  5. notsojenny

    c’mon… Albert Clifford Slater? really? and wasn’t his dad in the army? i’m thinking he was really trying to beard something with all that toughness
    i’ll keep picking Zack Morris, thank you

  6. Nom

    Please tell me you have seen 28 Days Slater. Please. It is the greatest thing to happen to those of us who base major life decisions around Saved By The Bell –

  7. Ok.

    I’ll admit something.

    I was too girl crushed/worshipful of Kelly that I never cared about those two boys.

    I knew they’d never pay attention to me anyway because I would never, ever be as pretty as that girl.

    I’m going to go cry and drink a diet coke now.

  8. Slater was always my favorite!

  9. Zack did try way too hard to be cool but I never in a million years would have let AC touch me. I found him not so much attractive.

    But the girls on the other hand were all pretty bitchy and stupid when you think about it. I would have wanted to punch Kelly in the face for being so fake if she went to my high school. You know she was really a super slut, they just didn’t tape that.

  10. Marcos

    There were dudes on that show? I only paid attention to the ladies!

  11. WHAT?!?!?

    I will forever choose Zach! That boy has had my heart since he first skipped class when I was in first grade! The girls always choose the rebel!

    AC is a roid freak who tried to redeem himself on Dancing with the starts….lame! Zach has no need to reedem…..girls who fell for him 15 years ago still lust over him today. Maybe b/c we don’t know what he looks like or where he is….hummm. Google is calling my name!

  12. No on the jheri curl? Really???

    What about the denim cut-offs and neon pink t-shirts with the sleeves ripped off?

  13. I was totally in love with the zach attack. his blond hair and boyish charm was all i ever needed.

  14. but… but.. he’s so.. gorilla-esque

    i greatly dislike dudes with such big muscles. they’re usually overcompensating for something..

  15. i truly couldn’t care less about any of those dudes… i watched saved by the bell for Lark Voorhies aka Lisa Turtle!

  16. You know, I had this very same realization as I approached 30. It’s a little something called maturity. And wisdom. And being fucking coooool.

  17. I will bring up one problem, though:
    Zack = freezes time
    A.C. = jheri curl

    Although after your analysis I do have to agree, A.C. does seem to be the cooler man, he still can’t freeze time. If he did, though, I’d move back to the 80’s and marry him on the spot. With or without the jheri curl.

  18. I would agree with this comparison if Mario Lopez didn’t grow into an enormous douche in real life.

    How did AC play basketball and wrestle? It made no sense. Gooooooooo BAYSIDE!

  19. Zack is the guy that ladies wanted to date. AC is the guy the ladies drunkenly made out with under the bleachers at the dance. AC 1/ Zack 0

  20. Ben

    But now AC is a reality tv host and vendor of his own exercise videos…I can’t help but feel like that might take him down a few points.

  21. Dude, Zack FTW. I’m kind of disappointed this is even brought up!

    But it’s kind of funny you mention Slater. I was watching Greek with my boyfriend and he said this one dude is like a Slater for the show and it was totally true.

    I still like Zack better though!

  22. There was something about Zack that I just did not like. Maybe it was his hair…or his face….

  23. Yes, but look what happened to him, he ended up on Dancing with the Stars. He lost mucho cool points with that one. Oh wait, am I confusing reality and reality TV again? Darn.

  24. You are right (I get brownie points for saying that, don’t I?). Just where IS Zach now? What do you mean you don’t KNOW?

    Where is A. C. Slater? Making middle aged women DROOL on Dancing with the stars, is where.

    And he was married to Ali Landry, who is way hot. Even to a middle aged married woman. Whooeeeee……I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to perfect the Dorito Catch for YEARS now…..

  25. inna

    RS27 took the words out of my mouth…

  26. Zach Morris was totally my 4th grade celebrity crush. Though I must say AC Slater went on to have a stunning career. He hosted the Miss America pageant! He hosted America’s Best Dance Crew! Now he’s on Broadway! This may be AC’s alter-ego Mario Lopez, but let’s be honest here – he’s always AC Slater to us. What’s the point of this comment? I don’t even know.

  27. Oh I love this post. And any and all things SBTB related. Maybe why I have a tag dedicated to just that on my blog.

    It’s really a toss up for me… AC vs. Zack. He did have an interested HOH going on. Hmm. And, AC did to date princesses and stuff.

  28. *interested= interesting

  29. I love that you just posted about this. Clearly you have way too much spare time. 😉

  30. Dude. Lisa had more junk in the trunk than Kelly or the chick from Showgirls. Preppy can keep Kelly!

  31. kristen – No way, your blog is way prettier than mine. Mine is rude and boring.

    sassy – Hmm… that is a good point.

    noelle – Yes! That should be a bumper sticker.

    stealthnerd – Hahaha – plus +1,567 for the Holiday in Handcuffs reference. Well done.

    jenny – No way, it was all real. Too real for you to understand!

    nom – Thanks, I had not, but now thanks to you I am a much better person. That was an awesome video. I wish my life had crowd reactions like that.

    kiala – But Lisa was hotter, so don’t feel bad.

    valerie – You knew his coolness before me, so for that I commend you.

    dutchess – Hahaha – that’s on the unreleased version of the series.

    marcos – You a playa!

    allie – Zack was a wannabe rebel, not a real one. A real one, like AC, rocked jheri curls and danced.

    larissa – Oh I’m down for the jeans and the t-shirt part, for sure.

    julie – The Zack Attack would not be as cool without his boy AC though.

    deutlich – Maybe compensating for his unusual amounts of awesomeness.

    aaron – Hey, you and me both man, check my tag for this post.

    melissa – We hold down cool for both coasts. The middles states are sorely missing someone cool.

    lauren – Now that is a good point. Dap for bringing that up.

    rs27 – Right, the seasons coincide with each other. Damn you TV and your lies!!!!

    meghan – Hahaha – exactly!

    ben – Oh I don’t know, will his video make me ripped like him?

    jamie – No way. Zack FTL. I just made that up. Do you like it?

    jenn – It was something called Loserness.

    dingo – Yes, I think you might be. But I think all of us do that.

    shelly – Yes, brownie points for that. AC gets to have sex with her? Not bad at all.

    inna – He is a smart man.

    arielle – He’s made a career from hosting shitty shows! Pretty cool.

    brookem – Right! I should’ve mentioned the princess! Damn.

    nicole – Uh, yes, yes I do.

    cruz – Exactly! Have fun with your flat-assed girl Zack!

  32. I think you need this shirt:

    I think I need it, too.

  33. megkathleen

    I still go through life asking myself, “what would kelly do?” before every decision.

    Also, you’re not a true A.C. fan if you can’t tell me what his full name is – and no cheating!!

  34. Rumor has it that AC (Mario Lopez in “the real life”) slept with Eva Longwhoria…so he probably has the herp. Still want to be him?

  35. yeah….the thing is, mario lopez is sort of a toolbox now.

    BUT – agreed that AC kicked zack’s ass.

  36. OK, I know I said the other day that you might be my favorite person, ever, but this cements it– you are officially my FAVORITE PERSON EVER!!!

    Saved by the Bell is the best show, ever. Period.

    And AC Slater was absolutely the hunky catch. I always thought (still think? hmmm…) he was SOOoooOOOooo dreamy! Good ol’ Albert Clifford! 🙂

    Now I want to watch SBTB… I think I still have every episode… on VHS, somewhere…

  37. Saved by the Bell was clearly and by far the greatest show ever on television. I, however, idolized Zach for one reason and one reason only. Kelly Kapowski. If you take her out of the equation though Slater was clearly the better man and is definitely the choice here.

  38. AC was pretty badass.

  39. not gonna lie…AC was pretty bad ass. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with this post 🙂

  40. jessica – Yes, we both need those, awesome. I also like how the link has “barf” in it.

    megkathleen – Of course you do, why wouldn’t you? It’s Albert Clifford of course.

    mindy – Eva has herpes??? How do you know that? And no, I guess not. Way to be a storm cloud there Mindy.

    ashley – Right, he is now, but back then he was awesome.

    jen – Thanks! You’re too nice. VHS is exciting in an “old porn tape” kinda way.

    verb – I hear you, but I’ve always been a Lisa fan, so Zack lost on that for me.

    katelin – You know it!

    heidi – Thanks – he was wasn’t he?

  41. You forgot winning all the wrestling trophies. Plus he had that sweet, sweet hair…

  42. mallorypaige

    I absolutely love your blog, but Zach was definitely more badass.

  43. No way, man. The hair is the best part of the package. Well that and the package. Like you didn’t see him in those wrestling tights.

  44. not only was he a jock but he liked the chick with brains! He even busted out a ballet outfit for her. I mean the guy was that sure of himself. THE MAN.

  45. tia

    i hadn’t even read this yet when i twittered my answer, but clearly you and i are on the same page.

  46. I MAY have made that up. I’m not sure.

  47. but but but his jerry curl scared me!

    this coming from the girl who has every season in a dvd box set and still watches the show in tbs.

    friends forever!!

    where’s the reunion show?? screw the 90210 spin off! bring back saved by the bell.

    wait. they totally already did. nevermind.

  48. Ive been thinking a lot about Saved By The Bell as well, the ad for it is always at the end of degrassi, and you know what I cant figure out? Why are they all friends with screech? hes so geeky. I mean Kelly and Lisa, friends with screech? that would never fly in real life. He’d be bullied incessantly and probably cut himself.

    I hated zach- always have. But AC is such a chauvinistic, dumb jock. He has pretty dimples, though.

  49. I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts on the Kelly vs. Jessie dynamic. I mean, yes, Kelly was the more desired of the two … but could she belt out a rendition of “I’m so excited!” quite as well as Jessie could? Hmm …

  50. He was such a pimp in Bayside. He could do it all — without any product in his hair.

    Buddy bands!

  51. You have to have the Jheri Curl mullet, it was part of Slater’s umph! Plus it accentuated his shoulders in all those sleeveless muscle shirts and his dimples!

    Totally random — but was I the only one who remembers that Bayside was in Indiana when it first came on (when Haley Mills was the teacher), then when it got more popular and the cast changed it was in California???

  52. nancypearl – Yes, he brought home trophies in all the sports! And I did mention the hair.

    mallory – Thanks! But I think we need to discuss this further. Our definitions of “badass” differ and before I can do any work today or ever again, we need to figure this out. I think my boss will understand.

    mickey – I told you not to tell anyone about that!

    lissa – Yes!

    tia – I knew you’d understand.

    mindy – I can never trust you again. EVER.

    alexa – Embrace the curl, don’t be afraid of it.

    kelly – Pretty dimples crush all. Well, for women.

    essentially – I would still pick Kelly over Jessie. Jessie had drug problems and I’d never be able to live up to her high standards. Lisa was my favorite though.

    allison – Yes! I need a Buddy Band right now!

    boogiemonsta – Yes, it was called something else in the beginning too. I forget what. The early episodes sucked though.

  53. legendofsleepyhollow

    Are you serious Zach was the man, AC was nothing but a meathead, and he wore tights! AC Slater was nothing more than the BA Baracus
    to Zach Morris’ Hannibal Smith, throw in a little Screech/Murdock and Belding/Decker and you have the A Team right there at Bayside High.

  54. My party trick is that I can watch the first 60 seconds of any saved by the bell episode and tell you what happens in the whole thing. For actual.

    I don’t guarantee the college years though. I mean, it’s just not as important, am I right?

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