I was eating lunch yesterday and thinking about how Nirvana’s genius was that their songs made no sense and that’s exactly what kids wanted to hear, that it was okay – cool even – to not make sense, when a group of people sat down at the table in front of me.
I knew right away that they were actors.
How did I know? Because they were weird.
Why do actors feel the need to be so damn strange?
The two guys in the group were awkward, had longish hair and rocked very tight pants. They looked like if I had accidentally bumped into them they’d break a bone and maybe write a sad poem about it.
The women in the group were dressed like they woke up in a dumpster. “Oh, this shirt has holes in it? Perfect! I’ll pair it with my purple jeans!”
All of them so close to me was enough to make me lose my mind.
It was when they began to eat that I noticed they were all acting for each other.
It was like one big show.
Every single gesture was exaggerated. When one of the women – who I’m pretty sure was using a fake British accent – reached to get some salt, it was the most pronounced salt shaker grab in the history of the world. I’m certain of this, so don’t try and challenge me on that one.
When they would laugh they did so by leaning back in their chairs, opening their mouths as wide as they could and laughing like there was nothing better than whatever the other person had just said.
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed like that. Well, aside from the time I watched my friend get shot in the leg by a firecracker. That was pretty awesome.
As I sat there watching this dispay, I couldn’t help but wonder why actors are so fucking odd.
Maybe this is why I never became an actor – I’m just not weird enough.
I’m destined to live my Normal Life and imagine being as amazing as Swayze in Point Break, while these weirdos – if they’re lucky – get to live that dream.