break a leg

I was eating lunch yesterday and thinking about how Nirvana’s genius was that their songs made no sense and that’s exactly what kids wanted to hear, that it was okay – cool even – to not make sense, when a group of people sat down at the table in front of me.

I knew right away that they were actors.

How did I know?  Because they were weird.

Why do actors feel the need to be so damn strange?

The two guys in the group were awkward, had longish hair and rocked very tight pants.  They looked like if I had accidentally bumped into them they’d break a bone and maybe write a sad poem about it.

The women in the group were dressed like they woke up in a dumpster.  “Oh, this shirt has holes in it?  Perfect!  I’ll pair it with my purple jeans!”

All of them so close to me was enough to make me lose my mind.

It was when they began to eat that I noticed they were all acting for each other.

It was like one big show.

Every single gesture was exaggerated.  When one of the women – who I’m pretty sure was using a fake British accent – reached to get some salt, it was the most pronounced salt shaker grab in the history of the world.  I’m certain of this, so don’t try and challenge me on that one.

When they would laugh they did so by leaning back in their chairs, opening their mouths as wide as they could and laughing like there was nothing better than whatever the other person had just said.

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed like that.  Well, aside from the time I watched my friend get shot in the leg by a firecracker.  That was pretty awesome.

As I sat there watching this dispay, I couldn’t help but wonder why actors are so fucking odd.

Maybe this is why I never became an actor – I’m just not weird enough.

I’m destined to live my Normal Life and imagine being as amazing as Swayze in Point Break, while these weirdos – if they’re lucky – get to live that dream.

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39 Comments

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39 responses to “break a leg

  1. Actors are weird, but you know what’s not? Point Break. Man, I love that movie.

  2. I think it’s really only indie actors that are quite that weird. Mainstream actors are too cool for school.

  3. I hate theater losers. My roommate is a theater dork and when she has her theater dork friends over it’s EXACTLY as you described. Every gesture is overexaggerated and hello, no need to laugh that loud – I KNOW that what that person said isn’t that funny because I can hear you guys screaming even with my door closed and NO joke about a Broadway show is ever the funniest joke in the world. They are so freaking obnoxious I want to shoot them all with a valium-filled dart. End rant.

  4. “They looked like if I had accidentally bumped into them they’d break a bone and maybe write a sad poem about it.”

    That is why I’m going to go and vote for you in the bloggers choice awards thingy.

  5. And I know you want to rock some tight pants too.

    I hate when you lie like that.

  6. DoK is right… I don’t think it’s just these actors, but amateurs of any kind. You know, the folks who’re still pretty damn insecure so they have to embellish everything?

    You see it with everyone… like 99% of the people in a writing workshop who feel like they have to spend 1,000 words describing the insignificant brown paper bag (oh, shit, look at that… I just did it in 3).

    Or in IT, you get people who have to ramble on and on about the latest dohickeygizmo when really all I need them to do is shut the fuck up and move so I can get to the coffee.

    Or athletes who have to flex and fist pump and jersey pop.

    People suck.

  7. You really think Swayze was more amazing in that movie than the Reeves?! Dude, fuck tha Matrix, that was Keanu’s best work! … that and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure!

  8. Marcos

    Goddamn thespians. I hate ’em too. You can totally spot them a mile away.

    “No way Bell’s is bigger than Waimea brah!”

  9. notsojenny

    i live a few blocks away from a major art college. freakin’ art students are EVERYWHERE! they’re so freakin’ weird! and it’s like a competition to see who can be the weirdest. honestly, when you drive down the street it’s painfully noticeable when you hit campus because suddenly the population walking around goes from normal human beings to kids in their tight jeans, striped french pirate shirts, and vests and fingerless gloves. i’ve never seen so many leg warmers. and they insist on hanging out at the coffee shops. not starbucks… the good coffee shops. so i end up at starbucks… freakin’ art students! (i know, move.)

  10. Nom

    I live in Cleveland – one time the chief doctor guy from Grey’s Anatomy was at a Cavs game.

    Thats all I’ve got. And sadly, all Cleveland has as well.

  11. they probably are just watching the real world and taking those acting lessons to heart.

  12. Ah, the the-a-ta! I think as part of their AFTRA requirements, they should have to attend Overactors Anonymous, then again, they would not take to kindly to the Anonymous part.

  13. Are you trying to convince us that you’re “normal” now? Come on, Chris, we are on to you already. It’s too late for that.

  14. lauren – Hell yeah. “If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.”

    dutchess – Right, but at one time the mainstream actors were just as dumb as these guys.

    arielle – Man, I feel bad for you. I’m surprised you haven’t moved yet.

    kristen – You’re too nice to me. And I do, I’m sorry, I know you told me to stop lying because it makes Jesus cry.

    justin – Yes they do, yes they do. Except the people who read my blog!

    aaron – Yeah, see I like Keanu in Bill and Teds better.

    marcos – “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.”

    jenny – Oh man, that sounds like my worst nightmare.

    nom – Hey, at least you have BronBron. For now. Until 2010 when the Knicks take him! Sorry.

    lissa – Hahaha – I think you’re right.

    dingo – No, I don’t think they would either. But fuck ’em, right?

    mindy – I was waiting for someone to say that. I’m kinda normal. Right? Right????

  15. I almost once slept with a guy who gave me this whole long story about what are we and I have evil in me and something something. And then I saw him in a play and it was his monologue. That was the last time I almost slept with an actor.

    No really, I didn’t sleep with him.

  16. You KNOW Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze aren’t like that. They’re too busy surfing and smoking and doing other things that I am not cool enough to do.

  17. your judgmental nature bemuses me.

  18. Does notsojenny live next door to me? Because my neighborhood is EXACTLY the same. Except I live in the Pearl District and all we have are Starbucks and Peets. So they go to Peets or they just shun coffee in general and ironically drink japanese sodas they got at the Hoyt Mart a few blocks away. IRRITATING.

    Anyway, yes, theater geeks annoy the shit out of me and my best friend is one and is married to one. She’s not like that though. I do think she has a pair of purple pants, however. I don’t like it.

  19. I knew right away that they were actors.

    How did I know? Because they were weird.

    hahaha.

    sorry if this is something i should already know (i frequently forget things i already know. or, on the flipside, never knew in the first place) but do you reside in chicago?

    ok, never mind. brooklyn. right. i thought clinton/wash ave was a stop here in the chi. ok. here’s where i stop rambling.

  20. those kids didn’t sound as much like actors as they did indie art kids. or indie art actors… ugh, why are they like that?!?!

    next time, picture please. ha

  21. tia

    nirvana is awesome.

    and actors are silly.

  22. Normal is the new odd….fyi. I’m sure they are pointing out your conservative clothes of neutral color.

    btw…finally posted pics of Pharrell. Check’em if you’re bored.

  23. You’re gonna have to start growing out your sweet Swayze-style ‘do, then.

  24. Oh you make me giggle 🙂

  25. Maybe they weren’t acting for each other, they were acting just for you.

    Anyway, it made me think of this:

  26. Musicians in groups are the same way, except they are brooding and emo. Even the hardcore rockers.

    Drama queens.

  27. melissa – I believe you. You have to have standards!

    meghan – Right, they are just doing their normal awesome things.

    deutlich – I call ’em like I see ’em!

    kiala – If you’re a good friend, you’ll tell her to get rid of those pants.

    damsel – Hahaha – I enjoy rambling, no need to stop.

    alexa – I know, I should’ve taken pictures. I’m a bad blogger.

    tia – Yes and yes.

    allie – I prefer to think of my clothes as stylish and sexy. I will check out the photos.

    big time – Already in progress.

    freeandflawed – Thanks, I’m trying my best.

    hollywood – Man, if I had been there I would have punched one of those idiots. How don’t those people realize they’re all together???

    nancypearl – Yes, that’s very true.

  28. I AM AN EFF BEE EYE AGENT!

    I like using a fake British accent saying things like, “Its a drive by fruiting!”

    Gets them every time

  29. Oh wow. You completely just described a similar situation I witness a couple months ago. I was at lunch, minding my business, and a group of actors (I knew they were actors because they are the vocal ones about being in all the acing “clubs”) were sitting at the table next to me. The next thing I know, the girl in the group starts lamenting an ORANGE. So loudly that the whole cafeteria could hear. So over dramatic. And they ALL start to laugh. It sounded like if it were any louder, the building would collapse. Oh, drama students.

  30. Oh god, I feel like I see those actors everywhere I go. I can’t understand people wanting to call attention to themselves constantly. Isn’t that just inviting people to judge them? I know I’m judging the shit out of them.

  31. megkathleen

    That sounds like fun. I am going to test this whole being overly melodramatic thing and see how it works for me. It sounds like those artsy fartsy actors were having more fun with their over the top laughter.

  32. They are weird and dark characters. That’s why I can’t act. LOL

  33. I hate Nirvana. HATE. (and I don’t care who knows it)

    However, I love “Point Break.” Loooooooooove!

    And you. You are a doll.

    I do hear “there’s no accounting for taste” a lot, though.

  34. rs27 – Gets who?

    angela – An orange??? People are stupid.

    megan – Oh yes, I have a degree in judging people. My mom is proud.

    megkathleen – Please don’t do it around me, but let me know how it goes.

    diva – Exactly.

    jen – I don’t like Nirvana either, so we’re cool. And yes Point Break is amazing. And thanks!

  35. One time I tried to write a Presidents of the United Staes of America type song because i thought it would be easy because they are about nothing, but writing about nothing is hard.

    You should know, right?

    HA!!

    kidding.

    Never come to Seattle. Ever ever. Sometimes they play their guitars in the street because they are “different” and have a lot of feelings to sing about. And then they get mad at you when you look at them because your pants aren’t tight enough, or you dont have the trendy-mullet, or you dont buy really expensive clothes that look like you could have gotten them at goodwill.

    For outsiders, they are very exclusive.

  36. ooooh point break. johnny utah is my man. now that’s an actor, haha.

  37. JOHNNY UTAH. best news all day.

  38. legendofsleepyhollow

    No body puts baby in a corner! I prefer roadhouse anyways.

  39. kelly – You were not kidding! And I will never come to Seattle. It must have been awesome to live there when grunge was cool though, right?

    katelin – Damn right.

    jessica – It was for me too.

    ron – Roadhouse was pretty badass, I agree.

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