pioneering spirit

I had to buy new cologne yesterday because my bottle of old faithful had run out over last weekend.

To make this purchase I had to go to Sephora.

I was not happy about this.

If you’re a dude, going to Sephora is a lot like the pilgrims’ experience – it’s this strange land where everything smells different than what you’re used to, you have no idea how you’re supposed to act and as soon as you set foot in there the natives grow restless.

Luckily I found where the cologne was kept right away and made my way over to it.  The good people of Sephora made it easy to find by lining the wall with huge posters of Naked Man Thighs.

It was a little disturbing.

Since I had my heart set on Trying Something Different, I started to smell the colognes.

Right away, the only dude in the entire store finds me.


I go into a store loaded with attractive women and the first person to approach me is a man.  Not the hot dark-skinned woman with legs up to her neck, no, the slightly overweight man with a beard that so closely resembled A.J.’s from the Backstreet Boys that I felt uncomfortable.

He was nice though, and very thorough.

Each time he made me smell a new cologne that he picked out, and I would reply with something like, “That smells like soap” he only grew more determined.

Eventually I found something I liked and left feeling confident about my purchase.   Or maybe I was just really high off of smelling 15 different colognes.

When I got home I excitedly sprayed it on myself and asked Ari, “Well, what do you think?”

She replied, “It’s good.  But I like your old stuff better.”

Of course.

I go out of my way to try Something New and this is what I get.

No one ever has any love for the pilgrim.


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49 responses to “pioneering spirit

  1. You know I’m a big fan of Trying New Things so I say Good For You!

    Ari will adjust to your new scent in no time.

    And are you sure the dude wasn’t trying to pick you up? My brother got a job at the perfume counter at Dillard’s department store for the sole purpose of picking up chicks.

    Worked like a charm.

    He didn’t ask for your digits did he?

  2. Little did you know that the Something New was actually the dude.

  3. tiff

    good ol Gio. It’s such a classic scent, I’m siding with Ari on this one.

  4. I tried a new perf because the lady who was selling it to me said flocks of men would come running. And actually she was right but the flocks just aren’t men. My grandma thinks I smell wonderful.

    I should never be allowed to comment ever…

  5. I did the whole Sephora Experience about two weeks ago for a new scent. You have to be ready for that excursion, that’s for sure.

    Glad you found yourself a new go-to. Hope that Ari adjusts!

  6. i was debating about whether to switch up my cologne as well and you, good sir, have just convinced me not to. i’m sticking to what i have… i mean it hasn’t caused any ladies to throw-up on me… yet… so it has to be doing some good. thx man!

  7. She’ll get used to the new one. Smell has it’s associations, and she’s been associating the good smell with you. Time for “reassociation.”

  8. I hate, hate , HATE, shopping for perfume. When Tommy quit making the one I used to use, I never went out and found a new one. Most of them just stink, and I get a headache, then they all start to smell the same… Sigh. My nose is too sensative.

    And don’t feel bad about Ari, once I actually made an ex wash off the cologne he had on cause it smelled so bad. back to that sensative nose thing… 😉

  9. I love the fact that they have half-naked guy pictures around the men’s cologne. Brilliant marketing. All they need to do is release a line of scents called Other Guy’s Junk (translated to French, of course) and they’ll be set.

    This is one of the reasons I go without anything other than deodorant and Man Scent.

    Except when I’m trying to cover the stench of crack whores before going home for the night.

  10. I’m going to have to agree with Ari as well…sorry.

    Gio, mmmmm….

  11. You know what scent I love on a man? I love that boozey, b.o., smokey morning after smell.

    I also love that this is the internet and if anyone looks at me askance, I can say, I WAS BEING IRONIC, look it up! When really, I’m not.

    I should probably log in as not my real name if I’m going to leave these types comments.

  12. That’s the beauty of just buying shit on the internet. Unless the website has men in tights, then you’re just screwed.

  13. notsojenny

    aqua di gio… you’re SO NY!
    i haven’t smell the one you bought but Kenneth Cole & Issey Miyake make some killer colognes… killer in the good way, not in the Drakkar/Cool Water might-actually-kill-you way

  14. kristen – I don’t think he was trying to pick me up, but you know how it goes with me, the men love me! That made me sad.

    noelle – Hahaha – yes. dammit. Is it “damnitt” or “dammit?”

    tiff – Yes, see that’s why I wanted to go with something new, everyone wears that.

    julie – Hahaha – no I got what you were saying. Say hi to grammy!

    brookem – Next time I have to mentally prepare myself.

    aaron – Right – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

    jessica – That sounded dirty. Which made me like your comment even more.

    sassy – Damn, you made him wash it off??? Wow, that gut probably chucked the bottle when he got home.

    justin – Those crack whores sure do smell don’t they? I’m always like, “Hey, why don’t you use some of the money I’m giving you for some damn soap!”

    allie – But change is good!

    melissa – Yeah, that might be a good idea. Smokey? Gross.

    crystall – I’ve been trying to understand your comment now for about 10 minutes and I just can’t. Men in tights? Like Robin Hood? I don’t get it. Please help.

    jenny – Drakkar! Hahahaha! A classic!

  15. I had the same experience when I was perfume shopping at Sephora. I’m really picky about perfume and I kept saying that every scent was too generic and she really kept at it making me try like 800 different perfumes. In the end I bought nothing and found perfume I liked on the internet. God bless the internet. Also, probs to you for going to Sephora because lord knows my boyfriend wouldn’t do it. When he got sick of his cologne he busted out his CK1 from like, 10th grade.

  16. And what is so wrong with Axe Body Spray?

    I’m not saying that Dane uses that, but he does.

  17. Your first mistake is that you didn’t sail into the store on either the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria. Had you done that, you’d be golden right now.

    FWIW – Soap smells just fine to me. I like it when Matthew smells like he’s right out of the shower. I’ve had too many bad experiences with guys who bathe in their cologne. I know you’re not one of those goons. 😉

  18. Rachel

    gio is what sex SHOULD smell like…every time I smell a man that wears it I get the weirdest urge to lick them…

  19. For the record — though I don’t use it — I’ve heard from multiple girls that Curve is akin to “liquid sex.”

    Also, Axe once ran a limited edition scent I’m not remembering the name of offhand (some black supernova-type explosion on an electric-blue canister). It’s so potent I’ve been holding on to the last vestiges of the bottle for about two years, only whipping it out for special occasions. Swear I’ve never not picked up a random’s number — minimum — wearing that stuff.

    I’ve totally never browsed the internet trying to find more on ebay. Nothing like that. Not at all.

  20. ken

    wow. apparently i’ve got to get some of this man-water to apply liberally, then just sit back and wait for all the licking to commence.

    on a side note, i have to say i get turned on when my wife smells like alcohol.

  21. Aha! It’s called “Relapse.”

  22. 2 things

    1) aqua whateva is what my brother wears. always.
    2) aj now has a full beard.

    I thought you should know.

  23. Scents are a weird thing. I think women just grown attached to a particular man scent so its tough when you switch things up!

    Although this is coming from a woman whose husband hasn’t worn cologne since we first started dating. He prefers his “natural” smell. Or Axe. I don’t get Axe body spray. I think he was hoping it would make random hot women hump him but it hasn’t worked.

  24. idontliketoread

    cologne stinks!

  25. This has nothing to do with your post (which was good!), but I felt you needed to see it:


  26. “it’s this strange land where everything smells different than what you’re used to, you have no idea how you’re supposed to act and as soon as you set foot in there the natives grow restless.” – That’s how I feel when I walk into Hollister.

  27. Ha, I just recently bought a new kind of perfume and went through a similarly annoying experience.

  28. arielle – CK1 is not good for anybody.

    kiala – I’m not man enough to wear it.

    melissa – No, no I’m not. Just enough for the woman to smell it if she’s taking off your pants. I think I read that somewhere.

    rachel – That made a lot of Gio wearers happy.

    brooklyn – Liquid sex should be the name of a bar.

    deutlich – He has forsaken his roots! AJ, not your bother.

    mrstwink – I admire him for trying it though.

    idont – Please drink more.

    lauren – No! You don’t mess with genius by making a sequel! Like Gremlins!

    cruz – Hahaha – nice.

    nicole – It sucks doesn’t it? This is what good people like us get for trying to be different.

  29. Back to the Future 2 was better than the original. Fact.

    My ex g/f threw me out of Sephora once because I was “getting in the way.” Physically grabbed my arm and made me sit down outside.

    In conclusion, girls be crazy.

  30. Yeah… kinda bitchy I guess. But dude’s cologne smelled bad. It was giving me a headache. Not conducive to getting the booty, you know?

  31. I support you switching from Aqua de Douche. I dated a guy for a nano-second who wore that stuff and that guy was SUCH A DOUCHE. Every time I smell it now I think “that smells nice but I bet that guy’s a douche”. You don’t want that. Good choice on switching. Ari will get used to it.

    RS27: I think your girlfriend & I would get along. You simply cannot get in the way of a girl and her Sephora experience.

  32. I’m a girl and Sephora makes me nervous. and the smells, my god, the smells. i get nauseas just going near the perfume area.

  33. Mmmmmmmm… I LOVE Acqua di Gio. My favorite, though, is Dolce and Gabbana– if the guy can pull it off. Prada also has a men’s fragrance that smells like jelly beans and happiness. (Just in case you’re ever in Sephora again and you need to know What JenBun Thinks. WWJBD?)

    That’s what this post was about, right?

    Oh, wait, no… there was also a discussion of Man Thighs. Aren’t you going to post yours in retaliation?

    *looks hopeful*

  34. P.S. I like to call it “manfume.” Tee hee!

  35. would it be appropriate to call it grrrfume? I’m just saying I purrr…and I like it when my boys grrrr.

    ok that was a bit much…even for me.
    submitting comment and walking away.

  36. I feel the same way in Sephora. I’m suddenly all elbows and left feet.
    I don’t like new smells either, but I eventually adjust. When Justin switches deodorant, I spend a few days looking at him sideways until I’m sure he’s not an impostor.

  37. i have never heard of the cologne you bought, interesting.

    i just went to ulta yesterday to buy matt some cologne and that was an experience. who knew there were so many, haha.

  38. rs27 – Okay, I see your point, but I still prefer the first one.

    sassy – Well, I’m sure he was happy with the end result.

    mindy – I thank you for your support.

    ashley – I know, I never understand how people can actually work there.

    jenbun – My Man Thighs would make the women swoon and the men jealous, so I think I’ll keep them private.

    allie – Hahaha – yes, yes it was.

    megan – I bet the dog barks at him too.

    katelin – There are about 1,345 different kinds, it’s overwhelming.

  39. nancypearlwannabe

    If ever I am in Sephora and happened to have dragged Chris with me, you can bet you will find him against the Naked Man Thigh wall.


  40. tia

    aww. i can just imagine you all crestfallen after ari rejected your new perfume. i mean, cologne.

    boys are like puppies.

  41. legendofsleepyhollow

    stick with the Drakar my man, chicks dig it

  42. I’m all about having different scents. In the morning I just let my hand choose which one to spritz on my neck.

  43. Marcos

    You should have just gotten some Patchouli bro. I could make some out of leaves for you and then we could drink some tea while doing yoga.

  44. sephora scares me and i’m a girl who loves products. i’ll stick to the department store ladies. thanks.

  45. JessNYC

    LoL, i love sephora…except when it’s crowded. Then it’s just madness! it’s tough finding a new scent you love – I’ve been looking for a while and NOTHING. Good on your for trying something new – Ari will learn to love it I’m sure! 😉

  46. The problem I find with wanting to buy a new cologne is, after about 180 seconds or so my nose just breaks and I can’t smell anything.
    From now on I just take recommendations, run in, pick it up and run out of there.

  47. I love your old one. So much so, I didn’t even bother looking at your new one. Or maybe it’s just because I’m lazy.

    Whatever. I can’t even go into Yankee Candle without having my sinuses back up.

  48. Anybody else find it interesting that you could identify someone’s beard as resembling AJs? hmmm…

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