to the moon

There’s a guy who lives behind my brownstone that Does Things in the small yard that is attached to his building.

I say “things” because although there is always a flurry of sounds emanating from the yard, I have yet to actually see something different or anything actively being done.

I always know he’s out there when the music begins.

He prefers to keep it mostly oldies – but I have found on days when I assume things are going especially good for him – that he likes to sprinkle in some salsa.

The result of the constant music is that I have found myself, at the most random of times, getting an intense urge to bust out a verse of “Sugar Pie Honey Bunch” without really understanding why.

Immediately after the music begins, the sounds of tools fills the air.

Drills, hammers, saws – you name it and the guy is using it every single Saturday and Sunday afternoon.

Since I can’t see into his yard because of the way our buildings are positioned, I like to imagine that he’s back there doing Something Important.

Like building a spaceship.

You know, something so awesome that he needs to have Smokey Robinson’s smooth voice speaking to him as he uses every single tool known to man to build it.

I bet you’re thinking that building a spaceship doesn’t require those things at all, that spaceships are built by scientists and engineers and other Smart Sounding Things.

Well you’d be wrong.

And your spaceship would suck.

(Now that you’re done reading this genius of a post, go to my “Okay Playa!” page and visit the new links to some great blogs.  Now I said!)


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37 responses to “to the moon

  1. Why do you build me up (Build me up)
    Buttercup baby just to
    let me down (Let me down)
    And mess me around
    And then worst of all (Worst of all)
    You never call baby
    When you say you will (Say you will)
    But I love you still
    I need you (I need you)
    More than anyone darlin’
    You know that I have from the start

    So build me up (Build me up)
    Don’t break my heart

    Does he play that one?

    It’s my favorite.

  2. Maybe he’s building an ark? You totally need to get on this dude’s good side and make sure you’ve got a window seat on the trip out in case he knows something we don’t. I’d suggest you buy him something nice to make sure he keeps you in mind. Something like this:

    And if he hasn’t met his asshole quota for the ark yet, put in a word for me.

  3. There’s a guy kitty corner to us who does the same thing. Except I can see into his yard and he’s manicuring his hedges or fixing up one of the 75 cars he has on his lawn. Because we live in an “up and coming” neighborhood. He came by a few days ago to tell us that he could cut our lawn for us. And we said no. Because he’s a registered sex offender.

    See, up and coming!

  4. Ummmmmm…ok, I’ll be the stupido of the day….”Okay Playa!”? Where does one stupido find that?

    What about THIS one:

    **Oh, my love, my darling,
    I’ve hungered for your touch a long, lonely time,
    Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much.
    Are you still mine?
    I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me.

    Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
    To the open arms of the sea
    Lonely rivers sigh, ‘Wait for me, wait for me’
    ‘I’ll be coming home, wait for me!’

    Are you still mine?
    I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me **

    Makes me all tingly.

  5. Shelley, Look at the top of the page.
    I’m there! I’m there!

    And please with the song. yuck.

    Look at me responding to comments on Chris’s blog.

    I’ll stop now. Sorry Chris.

  6. I think he was actually hired by Darth Vader to rebuild the Death Star! Think about it… that would make perfect sense… rebuilding the Death Star in an unsuspecting Brooklyn Apartment. It’s your duty to stop it! May the force be with you young Jedi… RaMen!

  7. I love comment responses! Especially when they evolve into a conversation all their own that has nothing to do with the post at hand.

    Like I just did right there. See?

  8. FOUND IT—-it took me a minute even with the clear directions Kristen gave……sheesh, I amaze myself with my airheadedness sometimes.

  9. k, so i never noticed that i was on the “ok playa” page. But I am!

    and i like my shoes, so suck it.

  10. A mystery! Figure it out!

  11. megkathleen

    Because I am a negative and pessimistic person I assumed that your neighbor was doing shady things like the creepy family in The Burbs. I love that movie…but the thought of him building a space ship is much more exciting. Maybe he’ll take you to space with him if you’re nice! You should bring him cookies.

  12. deutlich

    I want a space ship!

  13. stupido dos right here…only figured it out because Shelly sacrificed herself to ask!
    Thanks Shelly!

    oops…another convo, my bad.

  14. kristen – Thanks for that, now I have that in my head. “(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find,
    (Hey, hey, hey!) A little time, and I’ll make you happy (Hey, hey, hey!) I’ll be home – I’ll be beside the phone waiting for you – Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo”

    justin – I’ve put in a word for you. He’s thinking about it.

    melissa – Pretty soon you’ll have ironic coffee shops and hipsters all around, get ready for it.

    shelly – Yeah, that’s a classic. And I see that Kristen has already answered your question.

    kristen – Please write my posts now too.

    aaron – I won’t let you down!

    kiala – Kath is gonna be pissed.

    kelly – Yes you are! And I’m glad you do, someone has to.

    jessica – Yes, like Sherlock Holmes, but without Watson – fuck that dude.

    megkathleen – I will. I’ll need to have him on my side.

    deutlich – I’ll see if he can make one for you.

    allie – As long as you find it, makes no difference how you do. That’s what she said!

  15. i can’t help myself…i love you and nobody else.

    DAMN IT CHRIS. now it’s in my head.

  16. crissyspage

    ha, ha, ha!

    I have infected you all!

  17. Now that song is in MY head, ass.
    And I wish my neighbors built cool stuff. My old upstairs neighbor used to take stuff APART above my head, usually around 3am. It sucked.

  18. I never thought I’d get a song stuck in my head through BLOG comments.

    And I agree with Aaron. He’s building a new Death Star with that pesky little 2 meter shaft boarded over.

  19. I totally started singing “Build Me Up, Buttercup.” Out loud. Then I read Kristen’s comment and cracked up. That wasn’t even the song you were talking about!

    Maybe he’s the reincarnation of Jesus? I hear that dude’s fake dad was a carpenter. He could probably saw wood like no other!

  20. He seems considerate to be working on his spaceship in the afternoon as opposed to the morning. Hmm … maybe he figures that if he works in the morning, more people would be prone to investigate. But by working in the afternoon … people would be none the wiser that a spaceship is, in fact, being built. Pure genius.

  21. My neighbor is upstairs banging stuff around and making a racket. He’s been doing it for months. I have no idea what he’s up to. I can only hope he’s building a sound proof studio so that I do not have to listen to his S&M porn anymore.

    Now, if he were building a spaceship, that’s another matter entirely. I’d return the pan I borrowed from him months ago.

  22. You should become his friend, and maybe he’ll take you to space with him. I bet that would be a lot of fun.

  23. stealthnerd

    Be happy he isn’t above you. For 2 years I had impossibly loud people living above me. One of them was either assembling or disassembling a bike at 1am. On the Tuesday of finals week. And believe me, after I stormed up there in my PJs, with my angry studying face on, he was wishing that bike was working and not still in the “I have to slam around wrenches in the middle of the night” stage.

  24. Nom

    My neighbors seem to enjoy moving their furniture every single night at 11pm. Either they redecorate every day of their lives or they have a giant-sized chess game going on up there.

    I hope its the chess game.

  25. That souds pretty cool (except for the banging and crashing, although if he is making a spaceship it’d totally be worth it)

    When we first moved in to our new house there was a guy who played the trumpet on some nights. It was nice having his tunes playing through the cul de sac kind of area we live in.
    But he’s gone away now, which kind of sucks.

  26. ashley – You’re welcome.

    big time – Yes, that does suck. You should’ve got up early and blasted music to prove a point.

    liz – I hope I don’t get stuck in its tractor beam!

    jenbun – Jesus was the carpenter, so yeah, maybe it is him. I’ll give him some hebrew sayings and see what kind of reaction I get.

    essentially – You’re right, he is a genius…

    dingo – What’s wrong with S&M porn? Wait, forget I wrote that.

    noelle – I’d bring back an asteroid for you.

    stealthnerd – Hahaha – yes, PJ’s are intimidating. Especially ones with the feet in them.

    nom – You should yell “check mate” and see what happens.

    robbie – Nice. We used to have a guy across from us that played the sax, and it was really relaxing to hear.

  27. If that happens I’ll sacrifice myself after I disable the tractor beams. Then I’ll haunt you. It’ll be great.

  28. Saw? Drill? Hammer? I’ll have you know that I feel quite confident that my spit and duct tape spaceship will be a rip roaring success. I am expecting a call from NASA any day now…..

  29. at least he’s playing some good tune-age!

  30. Jo

    Maybe he’s building a portal back to the sixties. Maybe he goes back to the old times, grabs some music, then has to fix his time machine to go back again the next time.


  31. maybe he’s building a time machine? or an ark? maybe both? but it’s probably pretty awesome.

  32. Um, is it bad that the first thing I thought of after I read this was the Aqua Teen epsiode. . . the one full of ****s? Oh, sorry. . . dicks. And a spaceship made of dicks. . . . . weird.

  33. liz – Hahaha – a perfect reply.

    rachel – Hmmm… Duct tape is a good choice. Please let me know what Mars is like and if Saturn really does have those funny rings around it.

    brookem – Yes, that’s true.

    jo – Now that would be awesome.

    katelin – It’s both! A time machine boat!

    poodlegoose – I’ve never seen that show, so I’m gonna have to just hope that it’s funny.

  34. i really don’t see anything wrong with sweating to the oldies while building a spaceship. cut the guy some slack.

  35. Wouldn’t he just need one of those golden unicorns you New Yorkers have if he wanted to go to the moon? No need to build anything…

  36. I hate when the neighbors are in a good mood. It makes them want to play Stevie Ray Vaughn and bob their heads slowly. Fuckers.

  37. It reminds me of the Tom Waits song “What’s he building?” But in a non-creepy way…

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