good housekeeping

As I stepped off the train this morning on my way to the gym, I was lost in thoughts about how Lauren Conrad is exactly why The Hills works, she’s perfect enough to make women want to be her and flawed enough for women to hate her, thus evoking the two strongest emotions there are – jealousy and anger – from viewers.

With these thoughts swirling in my head, I noticed that a homeless guy had set up shop on the platform across the tracks from me.

He was covered in blankets and a bunch of other miscellaneous stuff, pretty much rocking the Standard Homeless Dude Uniform.

He also had a cart full of stuff next to him, and in this cart was a dust buster.

That’s right.

A homeless dude, someone whose life was ever-changing and could only hold onto a few select items from day to day, decided that the dust buster was making the cut.

Not soap.

Not shampoo.

A dust buster.

Obviously, I was quite impressed by this.

The man probably has shit in his underwear every single day of his life, but when he goes to settle down on whatever grate or staircase he chooses for the night, he makes sure he tidies up the space first.

A little dust bust here, a little dust bust there and he’s ready for the night.

I bet he’s quite the whiz with that little Tool Of Dirt Destruction, zooming it around with the greatest of ease, the envy of all of his friends!

Or maybe he just uses it to beat people who try and steal his socks.

That’s a tough one to call.


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35 responses to “good housekeeping

  1. Nom

    I have to assume socks are the currency of the homeless. Well, that and crazy.

  2. Your homeless encounter was much better than mine was this morning. Your homeless subway guy was interesting and had cool things in his cart. My homeless subway guy yelled at everyone getting off of the train. You win.

  3. mentalthreesixty

    i soooooo admire how your mind jumps from the lauren on the hills, to an analysis of the homeless guy… dude you’re special – wanna be like you when i grow up!

  4. mentalthreesixty –

    The connection is obvious: both The Hills and the Dust Buster suck.

  5. Remember that homeless guy on In Living Color?

    He used to pee in a pickle jar.

    I miss that show.

    I so want to be a Fly Girl.

  6. You should have asked him if he keeps it charged up. It’s details like this that get to me.

    I picture him hunting for an unguarded electrical outlet every day so he can keep his tools in working order.

  7. This strikes me as very sad. For someone who has nothing and lives on the streets to want ownership of something so desperately that he holds on to something as illogical as a dustbuster just makes me sad.

  8. Right now I am rich in dustbusters. That’s right. I have two. Our old one broke so we immediately ran out to buy a new one – because they are so critical to our existence. Then my man dude got super manly on me and fixed the broken one. Awesome. Now we can return the new one…or maybe give it to your new friend…

  9. deutlich

    that comment about the shit in his undies just made me vom a lil’

  10. Of all things…a dust buster? How interesting. What if the batteries die in it? Poor guy, all he wants is a clean stoop and has no batteries.

    I’d probably give him some. He’s at least making NY a bit cleaner. Sort of.

  11. dust busters make excellent weapons. also a good way to scare away stray dogs – have you ever SEEN a dog react to one of those things? it’s like someone just threw a rabid squirrel at them.

  12. That entire first paragraph just made me say, “Wait… what??”

  13. girlinterrupted1218

    A man has to have his standards! Shit is his pants acceptable. Dirt on his cardboard box, OUT OF THE QUESTION!

  14. I should hire him. Lord knows mi casa has enough dust for him to bust

  15. Maybe he has the DB because the brown color matches his underwear – he’s accessorizing!

  16. who doesn’t like a good dustbusting?

  17. This is so sad. I hate hearing about stuff like this. What has happend to the world. Can we please help people like this…..those poor poor Hills folk???

    oh and the homeless guy…he is sad too. No house to dust. Maybe he is staying positive just in case he gets him house back….you never know.

  18. Shit in his underwear every single day of his life? Oh come on, I doubt it. I’m sure that’s what the duster buster is for.

  19. I think Lauren wears too much eyeliner.

    And she has little stubby fingers.

    Personally, we vote for Whitney in this household.

    She’s classy.

  20. girlinterrupted1218

    Two things totally off the subject- First, just wanted to let you know I just voted for your silly ass and it wasn’t easy. LOL! Sign here, type this weird set of characters, login there, you’re lucky you are funny! Second if you haven’t noticed I moved my blog. Been telling one person at a time. Kind of a grassroots operation.

  21. I think he should be on the Hills.

  22. nom – Right. Good point.

    stealth – I don’t know, lets call it a tie.

    metal – Hahaha – trust me, no you don’t.

    justin – Yes, good observation.

    kristen – Stop playin girl – you already are a fly girl!

    mickey – Yeah, I did wonder about that too.

    dingo – Ah fuck, now you’ve made me sad too.

    rebecca – Fuck him! Give it to me!

    deutlich – Sorry about that.

    lauren – Yes, you are kind soul.

    ashley – Hahaha – that’s a good point.

    jen – Hahaha – uh, sorry about that, but that’s what I was thinking at the time.

    1218 – Exactly!

    raych – I’ll send him an email.

    ride – Yes, a brilliant plan!

    rs27 – No one worth knowing that’s for sure.

    allie – He’s the most optimistic homeless person alive!

    hollywood – This is why I keep you around – you’re a Thinker.

    kiala – Yeah, I hear Whitney is everyone’s favorite. You should check out Hollywood Suckers blog for her Hills recaps – they are amazing.

    1218 – Hahaha – I know it is, I’m sorry! But thanks! And yes, I will note the move.

    meghan – He’d be an instant sex symbol.

  23. Maybe he just uses it to drown out the noise.

  24. I bet he’s trying to sell it. Or if not “trying,” he’d definitely thought about selling it…. Where does he even plug it in?

  25. i bet he keeps loose change in the “dust” compartment. it’s like his piggy bank maybe?

    yeah that was a stretch.

  26. i love that you were actually pondering lauren conrad and admitted it, haha.

  27. Come on man, the dust buster is known for it’s mite sucking-up abilities. How else do you expect a man that has a fear of shampoo, and all other cleaning products that the government uses to track ignorant citizens, to keep clean?

  28. I don’t even own a dust buster. I think this makes me less tidy than a homeless person.

    In other news, I always want to bring back the word hobo. Can we start calling homeless people hobos again? What about bums?

  29. ah good old LC.

    interesting about the dust buster.

    im kind of speechless, truly.

    oh, but slater’s sister was on sbtb today- remember her?

  30. tia

    where does he plug it in?? or was it battery-operated?

  31. So homeless people have Dustbusters and I don’t.

    I feel inadequate.

  32. Jo

    On the subject of the Hills…I watched a few episodes and I have yet to figure it out. Is it improvised? Whats the statement at the beginning about? Are the people real? Are they actors and actresses? I don’t get it.

  33. noelle – Yes, kind of like white noise, only dirtier.

    angela – Let’s hope he at least gets three socks for it.

    alexa – That’s not a bad idea! I’ll tell him about it.

    katelin – Yes, this is my life.

    rachel – Good point.

    melissa – Yes! I miss “hobos” I’m down for that one making a comeback.

    brookem – Hahaha – yes, a great one.

    tia – It was powered by the hand of god. Or maybe just Duracell.

    todd – You and me both.

    schmutzie – Hey, thanks man!

    jo – It is not worth your time. Do not watch it. Please. If I can save just one person, it will all be worth it.

  34. Nah. It’s totally sad. To be so poor; to have nothing, to the point where a dustbuster becomes a prized possession………

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