to dude or not to dude

Transsexuals have got to have it rough.

There are all the issues with people hating on them for being, well, let’s face it, for Not Being Happy With Things At The Moment.

Which is just stupid.

Imagine if every time you weren’t happy with things at the moment someone yelled at you and said things like “You’re a freak!” I don’t know about you, but my boss would look pretty damn scary doing that.

But beyond all of that, there’d be more much pressing matters to deal with.

Like clothes.

When I get ready to go out, I have to pick something out to wear. Since I’m a dude, I take a couple minutes and decided on Something Great pretty quickly.

But transsexuals have two sets of clothes to choose from!

So not only do they first have to decide if they want to be Bob or, uh, Bobette for the night, they then have to pick between a flannel shirt (I’m pretty sure all Bobs wear flannel shirts) and a skort.

And what about the hair?

Up or down?

Some dudes, like country singers and Fabio, rock long hair like it’s okay to do that – so do they leave it down or do they put it up?

Then there’s the walk.

I’m sure sometimes, when they decide on being Bob and they’re walking along Very Man Like, they forget The Decision for a second and a little too much Bobette slips out and that has got to be frustrating!

Clearly I could never be a transsexual because 1) you’re kind of born that way and 2) I have a hard enough time just trying to be a Normal Man.

Plus, if you ask me to choose between a flannel shirt and a skort I might be scared to find out what I would actually pick.


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35 responses to “to dude or not to dude

  1. Do you mean transvestites? Because transsexuals have made that decision already. I only say that because I lived in San Francisco for ten years and I took several classes on human sexuality and I’ve seen things. I’VE. SEEN. THINGS.

  2. YES! I was first on your blog and crissy’s today. I rule.

  3. notsojenny

    i remember my first trip to Provincetown as a young girl… no one told me about it. i didn’t figure it out until i was standing in a store and the shemale asked the counter help, holding a pair of pumps “do you have these in size 12?”

  4. melissa – No. Although transsexuals may have made The Decision already they don’t always dress one way or the other, before surgery at least. And yes, you do rule, there’s no doubt about that.

    jenny – So it was educational!

  5. deutlich

    I used to work with a transexual who only referred to himself as a her and when she found out I was bi – she basically began to hit on me in an incredibly uncomfortable manner

    I…. wigged out pretty hard.

    I mean, do what you do.. just don’t assume I’m trying to get down with that.

    The meds made his (ha! i’m still spiteful) breath HOORRREENDOUS and just.. blech.

    I realize they go through a lot to be who they are, and it saddens me they aren’t accepted that well… but I also don’t like it when people in general can’t grab a fuckin’ clue. Keep your lips (and bad breath) to yourself.


  6. Is the skort a button or zip close? Cause that could make a difference in the decision making process, you know.

  7. I wouldn’t know which bathroom to use.

  8. Are you kidding? You can walk into a room and it is like a buffet. Instead of cutting your options in half you get the full smörgåsbord (whoa – thats how spellcheck told me to spell it) of people to choose from.

  9. So I was watching DOWNTOWN GIRLS: THE HOOKERS OF HONOLULU on HBO last night and I asked myself how does Honolulu feel about this documentary? In case you have never seen it, it’s all about the she-male and transexual prostitutes that run downtown Honolulu.

    I mean I don’t know about you, but if I was a guy who was going to Honolulu I can’t say that I’d want to be around downtown meeting any Becky’s because they may have been Keith’s 3 weeks ago.

    I know that was kinda random, but it kinda tied in to your topic…oh and I’d pick the flannel shirt — skorts have always been kinda cheesy to me.

  10. mentalthreesixty

    I’ve always wanted a tranny friend. I have male and female gay & bi friends, but no tranny friends. Because I also want answers to the questions you ask… they DO have it rough!

  11. One should never wear a skort, peen or no peen.

  12. Agreeing with Each on this skorts or flannel, unless you are like a lumberjack or something.

  13. it gets pretty tricky when you have kids. like on the dvr’d episode of dr. phil that i watched last night. “dad” who was turning woman, wanted his daughters to no longer call him dad but either call him “kayla” or “aunt kayla.” the girls refused.

  14. i’m pretty sure the people who decide they are more comfortable in flannel shirts are not the same people who own skorts. just putting that out there.

  15. deutlich – Yeah, uh, it sounds like you haven’t fully processed your feeling about that incident.

    meghan – It’s gotta be zip!

    justin – That’s true too.

    narm – Very good point. And spellcheck is fucking crazy.

    lboogie – Thanks, I can now cross off Honolulu on my dream vacation list.

    mental – We are caring people.

    each – Hahaha – nice.

    jamie – But what if you were a lumberjack???

    brookem – Now that is a sticky situation.

    ashley – You never know…

  16. I have too many decisions to make as a girl–I’d hate to have an extra set of decisions.

    Also, go with the skort. They’re still cool, right?

  17. You’d be more of a ballgown type, don’t you think? 😉

  18. Transsexuals have it tough, but what about the pregnant dude? What kind of clothes does he have to pick from? Husky men?

  19. Transexuals from the 1980s? Because I think that’s the last time a “skort” was acceptable attire.

    You CLEARLY would have a lot of research to do if you wanted to start trying to dress like a woman on occasion.

  20. What the hell is a skort? I demand answers!

  21. Um, Chris hun?

    Skorts are soooo 1994.

    Unless you’re 80, then they’re the bees knees.

    And also I would like to say that I rule because I know your posts go up between 10:30 and 11:00 every day. I just had a lot to do today or I would have beat everybody.

    But I don’t mind losing to Melissa.

  22. Oh, and rs27? A skort is skirt in the front, shorts in the back.

    Skirt-shorts. See?

  23. so which would you choose, flannel or a skort? haha.

  24. You’re a normal man?!? And yet you use the word “skort” with careless abandon, multiple times, in your blog post? As though anyone wears those anymore… (although, actually, I think I did see Kristen Davis wearing one in Glamour. Do you read Glamour? You may be more transsexual than previously thought.)

    The title cracked me up! 😀

  25. Kristen: We are equals. Except you’re the hottest mommy blogger — go vote people!

  26. lauren – Yes, waaaayyy cool.

    melissa – They do bring out my eyes…

    nancypearl – Hahaha – that’s a good point.

    mindy – Could you suggest some books?

    rs27 – Please see Kristen’s answer.

    kristen – Right, and saying “bees knees” is sooo 1754. And yes, you do rule. I think you might be watching me type this.

    katelin – I’d have to go with flannel because otherwise my older brothers would beat me up.

    jen – Of course I do! No. No I do not. And thanks!

  27. I dont understand those halfassed transvestites that will wear pantyhose and wigs but not shave their legs or their 5 oclock shadows. Or try and wear low cut tops but dont even stuff there boobies.

    There are so many of those in seattle.

    theres one guy that just wears a wig. everything else is normal man attire, but he has a ratted blonde wig.

  28. I don’t like it.

    Let’s stone them.



  29. Rachel

    regardless of your choice, I’m just curious what started this whole conversation in your head…

  30. At least the skort gives you some place to keep things safely tucked away in case someone decides to investigate a little closer. So I say go with the skort.

  31. kelly – Man, that guy (?) needs to try harder.

    kiala – Hahaha – Right.

    rachel – I was walking behind one yesterday after work.

    mickey – Good work man, I’m going with the skort.

  32. Ugh. Who wears flannel shirts?

  33. What the hell is a skort?

  34. I’m sure they can keep their gal side hidden until they get scared by a spider, then they scream like a little girl, and there is no coming back from that.

  35. J


    Just the best things ever.
    …Except not on me.

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