watch your step

I haven’t fallen down in seven years.

I’m serious.

Think about that for a minute. It’s quite the feat don’t you think?

I haven’t fallen on the ground once since I was 22 years old.

I know this because I remember the last time I fell down vividly. It was winter and as I was walking to work I slipped on some ice and hit the ground with a thud.

It made my butt wet.

Wet butts are not fun.

Falling down is a traumatic event for people, it really does affect us more than we realize.

I bet if you thought about it right now, you can pinpoint the exact moment the last time you fell down.

And that’s because when we were kids, falling down was cute and basically something that we were supposed to do. “Oh look at little Johnnie, he fell again! Hahaha! Back to your cage now, you silly guy.”

But now when we fall, it is quite the predicament.

How are we supposed to act?

We can act like it never happened, but you know this is a mistake. People who say, “Yeah man, I totally busted my ass and then just played it off like nothing happened and no one even noticed!” are lying.

Everyone noticed.

Everyone saw you clip the table that you somehow did not see even though it was directly in front of you and everyone saw you tumble in slow motion down to the floor, grasping thin air for something – anything – to keep you from your impending doom.

Or maybe you go the laugh it off route?

While this seems the best way, it has its negatives too. Because even though you are admitting that you fell, you are still sitting there in a crumbled mess, one pant leg up to your knee and a foot tucked under your ass. This is not the best look for most people.

Falling down is not good for anybody, and there really aren’t any solutions.

You can hope that you wake up tomorrow and you’re a spider, because I’m pretty sure spiders don’t fall down, but that doesn’t seem likely to happen, does it?

Your best bet is to just keep your eyes open, watch out for Dangerous Situations, and maybe keep a dry pair of underwear in your desk.

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55 Comments

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55 responses to “watch your step

  1. Matt

    Watching people fall, on the otherhand is hilarious.

    So is your first tag for this post. Genius. Charlottes web would be put to shame.

  2. My cat falls off of shit all the time. Like he’ll try to make a long jump and miss and hit the floor instead with this pathetic furry thud. He plays that shit sooo cool though because he just fluffs his fur and walks off like it didn’t even happen.

    That’s the coolest way to handle it I think.

    And you know he goes and hides under the couch and is all like “fucking meow! How did I miss that counter top?”

  3. I LOVE to watch people fall down. It is a little twisted, but I cannot stop myself from rollin’ when I catch it. Fucking HIlarious. 🙂

    I should note, I laugh at myself too, cause I know it looked funny. And cause I feel a little stupid. but it has been a few years thankfully…

  4. One time in college, I was at a mixer and there was this cute guy across the room so I started walking towards him and doing that sexy (I guess) eye contact thing and it was totally working and then I tripped over a chair and fell down.

    I AM STILL TRAUMATIZED.

  5. All I’m going to say about this:

    http://shenaniganist.wordpress.com/2008/03/08/onetworeally-should-have-buckled-my-shoe/

    Clearly you are not alone. And the support group meets on Wednesdays.

  6. If we don’t count falling down in yoga, which is a fairly common occurence, then the last time I fell down was junior year of college. It was the middle of an exam and I had to go to the bathroom. I had to walk around all these tables to exit the room. In a room of complete silence, I tripped over someone’s backpack and bit it. I laughed, stood up, and said something that I’m sure was very witty. Everyone laughed with me. WITH me, I’m sure, not AT me. I think.

  7. notsojenny

    i typically fall when i step right out of my shoe or get my heel stuck in a grate (which lends to me falling out of both shoes)

    i fall down alot though… i always have. i was a tree climber when i was little so i think falling out of trees on a daily basis prepared me for falling in life and i hardly even notice it anymore
    i’m sure no one else notices it either : )

  8. People falling is the absolute funniest thing. I laugh every time. Embarrassing loud mild through the nose laughing.
    You’re post captured it perfectly:)

  9. My strategy when I fall down is to scream “fucking balls noooooo!” as loud as I can. And grapple, if possible.

  10. deutlich

    I fall A LOT because I am a big ole klutz.

  11. DC is my Manhattan

    I fell down twice on Friday alone. I tend to laugh them off since I am usually in public and with friends who are laughing, pointing and shouting. I need new friends. Blind ones, but then they’d probably trip over me since I’d be on the ground.

  12. girlinterrupted1218

    Wow, I can’t remember the last time I fell down. That’s a good thing I suppose. I guess I’m like a cat. Agile, good on my feet, and Bitchy!

  13. i just had this discussion with the BF last night.

    Its funny when people fall down because it is so unnatural.

    people toppling over isnt supposed to happen.

    the last time i fell i was in my kitchen talking to the BF and put my arm out to brace it against the wall and totally misjudged, missed the wall and just fell on my side. It was very slow. i just leaned, kept leaning and fell. it was worse because i didnt trip or anything- i just tipped over.

  14. the last time i fell i dislocated my shoulder. well i fall, i fall HARD

  15. My coworker came in today talking about how she fell on the way to work, and I laughed. She didn’t appreciate it. But she sucks, so whatever. I totally don’t remember the last time I fell. It MAY have been last March, but I must have fallen more recently than 14 months ago because I’m clumsy like that. Hm.

  16. matt – Yes. And I’d be the most popular spider ever.

    kristen – Aren’t cats supposed to be all agile and shit? So you’re telling me your cat is a failure.

    sassy – Everyone loves it!

    kiala – And you will probably never get over it.

    stealth – But I haven’t fallen in 7 years! I could direct the group I suppose, you know, give tips on how not to fall down.

    mindy – Right. They were all laughing with you.

    jenny – Man, I miss climbing trees. Wait, I never really did that. That was my brother. Oh well.

    jamie – Good for you, you should laugh. And thanks!

    fort – That seems like a good strategy.

    deutlich – At least you are aware of it.

    DC – Hahaha – blind people are silly! I can write that because they can’t read! I’m going to hell.

    1218 – Hey, that’s impressive. We are both No Fallers. That’s a new term I just invented.

    kelly – Nice! The Miss The Wall fall is a classic! Well done. I hope your boyfriend laughed a lot.

    alexa – Damn, well, at least you make it count.

    arielle – She probably fell because she sucks.

  17. It used to bruise my ego whenever I fell…but I got used to it because it happens frequently. I think it’s the most hilarious thing that I’m so clumsy that I still fall down….and run into shit constantly. Some people’s only memory of me is the time I rolled in slow motion when I tried to jump off a curb with my scooter. My clumsiness keeps people entertained for years, and that’s fine by me. I just need to get better @bout it when I get old enough to break a hip or something

  18. Remember that show Fall Guy? No?

    This girl fell down the steps once at work. I went to help her and she ran away. With one high heel on.

    Women be crazy.

  19. I always keep a dry pair of underwear in my desk.

    I don’t exactly remember the last time I fell (I fall sometimes), but I DO remember a fancy one– it was within the first two weeks of me starting at the salon where I used to work. I was walking up the two stairs from the lower floor up to the waiting room, I made it up the stairs but somehow still managed to trip, went sprawling in front of an entire waiting room full of clients… and my shoes went flying off! I tried to laugh it off, but I had a whole bunch of my (new!) co-workers come running over to see what happened, I had to try to find my shoes, and the clients were like “Oh, dear me, is she drunk?”

    Ha ha… ha. Sigh.

  20. I just fell walking to my desk. Although I would consider it more of a trip. Congrats on defying the law of gravity for all these years, and may this post not bite you in the ass later this afternoon!

  21. Not falling in seven years? That’s quite the feat! I’m impressed. I fall almost every other day. It’s ridiculous. I’ve fallen UP stairs before–now that’s embarrassing. Especially when your roommates are downstairs and hear a “clump clump AHHH clump clump I’m okay!”

  22. Wait…so did you fall today or see someone fall??

    I must know!!

  23. i fell on tuesday.

    now my kidney is falling out of my body.

  24. bebecrys

    You have got to be the most self-composed drunk on Earth then.

    Congratulations.

  25. My office has concrete floors. Early on, I learned that wearing heels is bad but I still rock them on a daily basis. I normally fall — my coworkers are used to it.

    Last Tuesday I broke my f’ing shoe because A) I apparently can’t walk and B) I was stepping over a dog fight.

  26. I fall down like once a day, so…

    But the last time I really really ate it was freshman year of college. We had this big set of outdoor wooden steps that you had to walk up and down to climb the hill where our dorms were. Everyone hated the steps because they took like 10 minutes to climb.

    Anyway, I was walking down them to get to class one day and I was with pretty much everyone from my floor because we all had to take the same class and I slipped on a step because it was all snowy and I slid down like 6 steps on my butt. Bump bump bump bump bump bump. And then everyone laughed at me for the other 9 minutes of stair walking.

  27. megkathleen

    I do clearly remember the last time I fell down. Although, I’m not sure you can call it falling when it was more like jumping off the top of a couch. I broke my nose…there was a lot of blood. Yep, falling is bad news bears.

  28. i actually can’t remember the last time i fell, i fall often. i trip often too, which doesn’t always lead to falling, but sometimes does. i’m so used to be a klutz, i don’t really think much of it – and also don’t hesitate to laugh when someone else falls. because that shit is funny.

  29. yeah i’m pretty much a klutz and whenever i fall i definitely cannot play it off, so usually i just laugh it off or take a bow, whichever one is more appropriate for the situation.

  30. brookem

    yeah, i take a good solid digger about once a month.

    last time i was carrying cat food to my car and totally beefed it- food everywhere and looking like a complete clutz.

    crazy cat lady?

  31. The last time I fell involved being drunk at the airport (yes, again!). Not pretty. I kept waiting for the Southwest cameras to catch me and then make a whole episode out of it. Thankfully, I wasn’t flying Southwest.

  32. raych – Yeah, hips don’t like getting banged into. Unless, you know, they’re doing it.

    rs – Hell yes I remember Fall Guy. A show about a stuntman who is also a bounty hunter??? How could I forget???

    jen – Hahaha – I bet they were glad they hired you.

    noelle – I definetly knocked on wood as I wrote this post.

    lauren – Hahaha – That’s the best when somone yells, “I’m okay!” after they fall. I appreciate that.

    allie – Nope! I was actually talking about this the other night with some friends, about how I haven’t fallen in seven years.

    julie – I feel bad for your kidney. I’m making it a get well soon card.

    bebe – I guess I am. Other than the whole Saying Mean Things thing.

    allison – Wow – stepping over a dog fight is pretty fucking cool.

    hollywood – Oh man, that sucks. But you showed them by acing the next test – right? Man, that was dorky.

    megkathleen – You should not jump off of couches anymore I think.

    ashley – It’s become part of your personality!

    katelin – Nice. Taking a bow is a slick way to do it, I didn’t think of that one.

    brookem – Hahaha – crazy cat lady indeed.

    rebecca – Man, you + airports = drunken hijinks!

  33. Rachel

    “blind people are silly! I can write that because they can’t read!”

    that is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

    I guess we’ll be in the same handbasket….

  34. I’ve only fallen once – and it was head over heels in love with this post.

    See what I did there?

  35. I rolled my ankle and completely fell down while stumbling out of a bar in front of my boss a few months back. Sprained my ankle in the process, so I couldn’t even play it off like it never happened.
    I quit my job right after that.

  36. There really aren’t any solutions. I don’t fall much, but I’m always tripping, and after 22 years I’ve still been unable to find a slick way to play it cool.

  37. See I am one of those people that falls down all the time. For every time you “almost” fall but recover, I just fall on my ass. I fall so often that I just travel with a portable laugh track, I’m like a walking 80’s sitcom.

  38. I’m six feet tall. When I hit the floor, it’s ugly and hard. And I remember exactly the last time I fell. Everyone at Wal*Mart saw… and laughed. 😦

  39. 7 years? Wow, I’m amazed.

    I can’t even remember the last time I fell, most likely because it happens so often. I do remember the last time I fell down the stairs though, but that was completely acceptable. I was drunk, it was dark, and I thought the basement door was the bathroom door. I was wrong.

  40. Patrick Does DC

    I seem to be highly susceptible to stairs. It is a great weakness which I rarely share. I don’t remember the last time I fell because I fall ALL THE TIME.

  41. Gravity pisses me off.

  42. Falling is my specialty. I ever blogged about it a while ago: http://gagliardislife.blogspot.com/search?q=i%27ll+tumble

    Enjoy!

  43. Oh, I have to comment even though I’m late and I don’t know anything funny to say. I hit myself in the face with my purse most days. It’s god punishment for my unrelenting beauty.

    Was that funny?

  44. rachel – Sweet! Bring some cookies.

    narm – Yes. You’re brilliant!

    megan – That was probably the best decision.

    rachel 2 – Just keep trying dammit. You must keep trying!

    rachel 3 – How cool would that be??? I’d have to hang out with you if you had your own laugh track.

    liz – Oh damn. You were in wal mart though, so they couldn’t have been much better off than you.

    gertrude – At least you were drunk, right?

    patrick – Maybe you could keep a running diary of your exploits?

    mickey – It is such a bitch.

    felicia – Hahaha – you know, I really think it does have something to do with Megan.

    melissa – Good enough! Now get out there and show LA what it’s been missing! And please tell them about your NY blogger friend who is cool too.

  45. ken

    if you don’t fall down once a season you’re not drinking enough.

  46. Jesus, thanks for the reminder.

    I was just about to enter a bookstore when my heel got caught on the cuff of my pant and I went down in front of a mother and her child. The child stared incessantly at me while her mom told her to, “Stop staring.”

    I tried to laugh it off and be all like, “See kid? Falling isn’t just for you lot!”

    I was mortified.

  47. The only thing worse than falling is falling in front of your spouse. I kinda stumbled a little once like 6 years ago…. didn’t even fall… not even close… and my wife still reminds me about it all the time.

    Oh, wait… Ok, I do have this tendency to fall down my stairs every month or so. That kinda sucks.

  48. eyesaswindows

    I totally remember the last time I fell, but when I got up I was looking all over for someone who might have seen. I was ready to laugh at my dumbass with them. No luck, I dont think anyone saw it…. strange… very strange.

  49. I am a train wreck. No seriously, I fall down, I run into things, I have tripped on my own jeans. Hell I’m surprised I haven’t stabbed myself.

  50. Larissa

    I find the best part of watching a person fall is the look of absolute terror on their face.

  51. I remember the last 2 times I fell…and they were both in my sophomore year of college, so that was 1999-2000.

    The first time, I was getting my Top Model on in my dorm room kitchen in my moo-cow slippers. Apparently I got too excited about the “runway show” and slipped and fell running my shoulder into the door frame.

    The second was during Super Bowl weekend in Atlanta. There was an “ice storm” and everything was covered in ice. I was walking from my dorm to my homegirl’s boarding house. I started to slip on the sidewalk, but like a cartoon refused to give up and was doing that running in place thing trying to keep my balance. Unfortunately I got tired, and busted my ass. Crawled over to the grass (where I probably should’ve been walking in the first place) and popped back up. I scared the shit out of two chicks walking in the street! LOL

  52. I’m the fall down and laugh it off type. I totally make a scene and let everyone who saw know that I saw them see me fall. In making such a big deal I just let other people know what an idiot I am.

  53. I fell a few weeks ago coming out of the hair salon. it sucked.

    (i’m sure that i’ve fallen down more recently, but I’m also sure that at the time i was all wastey-faced which means it doesn’t count)

  54. Ben

    You’ll like this: when I was a kid up to about 8 years old, I didn’t have the built-in reflex to put out my hands when I started to fall. As a result, I cracked open the same spot on my forehead (as it bounced off the dishwasher, the driveway, the stones in the yard) six times. SIX TIMES. And every fall my Dad caught a glimpes of an expression of glee on my face just before I realized the imminent danger for my face.

  55. I was having a similar conversation with a girl from work the other day. She had a massive graze on her arm from falling over and I mentioned how I hadn’t fallen over in a few years.
    The last time I fell over I think was when I slipped on some ice. I busted my ribs pretty bad in that. I couldn’t sleep proplery for a few days.

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