If I had my way I’d hang out with Miss Cleo at least once a month.
We’d be good friends, the kind that get together and talk and talk.
She’d come and visit and she’d read my fortune and maybe tell me about why Christian Bale won’t reply to my emails. I mean, all I ask is that he sends me one damn email for all the hundreds I’ve sent saying how awesome he is. He can forget about me sending more chocolates to his house until he does, that’s for sure.
Big C (we’d be tight, so I could totally call her that) and I would talk trash about other psychics and drink whiskey and then I’d get her to do my favorite line from one of her ads, where a man has called in asking if his wife’s baby is really his or some other dudes, and she cuts him off mid-sentence by proclaiming, “That is not your baby!”
After that I’d get her to give me the scoop on everything I’ve ever wondered about, like why my feet are always so hot and whether NASA is really Doing Things In Space or just wasting a bunch of money on cool looking toys like I suspect.
Then I’d get her to guess what number I was thinking about for at least an hour and a half because how fun would that be?
And when it was time for her to leave, I’d walk her to the train, and we’d exchange pleasantries along the way.
I wouldn’t have to say much because she’d already be answering my questions before I asked them:
“No, but sometimes I forget to wash behind my knees.”
“Because they thought spelling it ‘Cap’n’ instead of ‘Captain’ is more fun.”
It’d be a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
Just Big C and I, kicking it like only we can.
Her using her mystical abilities to shine light on the World’s Mysteries and me silently stewing over the newly discovered notion that somehow Christian Bale does not like my blog.
(Okay everybody – new links are up on the Okay Playa! page, so please go check them out and show those bloggers some love – they all deserve it. Also, thanks again to Crissy for guest posting on Friday and providing a picture that both disturbed me and made me want to make out with myself.)