I like writing a lot.
I really do. I have stacks of notebooks that have poems and shit in them from when I was about nine years old. The first entry being a sweeping epic about how my brother Mike was a “pig-headed geek.” Sorry Mike.
But then I see art and I think to myself, “I could be an artist because it’s really not that fucking hard.”
Yesterday I was out at happy hour and I saw some art hanging in the bathroom.
Now before you get all crazy on me, yes, stuff hanging in bar bathrooms does qualify as art to me, especially if it involves naked women.
This is the drawing that was hanging in the bathroom.
If you can’t read it, the woman is asking, “Is this the rhombus for the bathroom?”
It’s supposed to be funny, but it’s not.
It’s fucking stupid.
This is the idea the artist came up with??? I can see him sitting at his desk, beret on and everything (all artists wear berets in case you didn’t know), saying, “I know, because people say ‘line’ I’ll just replace it with another geometric term! I’m brilliant!”
Whoever the artist is who made this, I’d like to meet him and punch him in the neck.
Then after I punched him in the neck I’d go visit the people who actually thought this artist was good enough to pay him for this garbage and spit on their shoes, because I wouldn’t want to waste my fist on them.
Not only is the joke fucking lame, check this out.
What the hell is wrong with this woman’s ass? If you ask me, she doesn’t need to wait on line for the bathroom because it is obvious she already took care of business in her pants.
If you’re going to draw a picture of women, why not try and keep them all looking like they didn’t just do Something Wrong?
Now have a look at this.
The woman is looking at a text that simply says, “No.”
It doesn’t surprise me, I mean, she just shit her pants in public, so I’m willing to bet whichever friend she was talking to knows about her Unfortunate Problem and knows better than to have anything to do with Ms. Shitty McPants.
The way I see it, if you’re an artist trying to make it big, having a terrible joke and a woman with shit on her butt in your picture is a sure fire way not to get that piece sold.
Art is easy!
Just put anything on a piece of paper and someone will think it’s art and buy it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to draw a picture of a hill with a smiley sun above it.
I figure I can get at least three grand for it.