Today though, I want to tell you about Grandpa.
Grandpa is somewhere between 134 and 187 years old and is about as tall as a garbage can.
He wears the exact same clothes every single day and he does not wash them. I know he doesn’t wash them because he has body odor strong enough to peel the paint off the walls and maybe make me vomit when I walk by.
I try not to though, because for some reason people generally don’t like vomit when they’re working out.
Grandpa also has a unique way of lifting. Oh yes, he lifts. He lifts like every rep keeps his dear friend the grim reaper from taking his skeletal body away from the bench press.
And his lifting style is basically to go as fast as he can.
It is an incredible thing to watch.
This little old man, rapidly firing tricep extensions like he was daring you, just daring you to do the same. I imagine he probably looks around at all of us younger guys and thinks, “I’m not dead yet motherfuckers!”
Because of this, I don’t mess with Grandpa. I let him stink up the place and do his thing.
But I was always kind of unsure how to feel about him until this morning.
I was getting a drink from the water fountain in the locker room before leaving for work, when I saw Grandpa waddle over to a stall.
With my head down, I heard the click of the stall door, and then as I looked up, I saw Grandpa look into the stall and say, “Oh! Excuse me!” Then close the door. Obviously he had just walked in on someone dropping the kids off at the pool.
Most people would be embarrassed by this, and rightfully so. Seeing another man take a dump can be quite traumatic.
But not Grandpa.
As I turned to leave the locker room, I heard Grandpa laughing.
“Heh, heh, heh, heh.”
I looked over at him and he had the widest smile on his face. Grandpa thought it was hilarious and that made it official: He was awesome.
If he can duck the grim reaper over the weekend and I get to see him once again on Monday, I may just shake his hand.
Because not only is Grandpa stinking the entire gym up and lifting weights like a man possessed, he is laughing at other people.
And that is something I can always get down with.