Three things happened to me this morning that told me today was going to be a Good Day.
First, on my way to the gym, I saw a car that had been crushed by a tree from this crazy storm we had last night. How cool is it to see things that aren’t usually smashed, smashed?
Pretty fucking cool.
It reminds me of being a kid and throwing rocks at the windows of houses, then waiting just long enough to see the window break into a thousand pieces before running like hell. Of course since I never got caught I did it over and over again. I was something of a Criminal Mastermind as a youngster.
Then, when I was just about to get on the train, I passed by this dude telling this other guy that he “Got slacks just like that, what’re you? 31, 32 waist? I got those! I got those slacks right here for you!”
Mind you, this was at 6:30 in the morning.
This Pants Merchant was the definition of a go-getter! Not only was he Up To Something at 6:30 on a Wednesday morning, but while on the way to his Something, he figured he’d sell some pants.
I ask you, readers, when was the last time you thought to sell pants to people while you were on your way to do something else?
That’s what I thought.
And believe me, if Pants Merchant was where the signs stopped, I would’ve been happy with my day.
But no, I live in New York! Things Happen here!
With a smile still on my face from my last encounter, I boarded the C and was on my way to the gym.
It was here that I had my last sign that today was going to be as happy and perfect as the endings in Scooby-Doo.
I looked to my left and saw a short old woman with bleach blonde hair rocking a G-Unit t-shirt.
My grandmother was never this fucking cool. In fact, my main memory of my grandmother was when she yelled at me for leaving dirty Kleenex on the coffee table even though the snot-covered tissues were not mine, but hers. Ah, grandma – I never did get to tell her the truth about that fateful day.
Clearly this Gangsta Grandma on the train with me knew What Was Up and wasn’t afraid to let people know.
All of these moments point to me having a day for the ages, one in which things will Go My Way and maybe I won’t even have to replace the water jug on the cooler at work.
On the way home tonight I might even throw some rocks through some windows, just for old time’s sake.
I just pray that none of the windows belong to Gangsta Grandma, because she will put a cap in my ass, and that would definitely be a sad way to end this awesome day.