just like the rest of us

I hate when people act like they’re not affected by the weather.

You know, those people who walk around in the dead of winter in shorts and during the summer claim that they actually enjoy sweating enough to frighten small children.

If you’re a human and you Live In The World, then you are affected by the goddamn weather, okay?

There is no way you aren’t. Unless you’re Steven Seagal. Because I’m pretty sure Seagal isn’t ever hot or cold because he’s just too busy Kicking Ass to worry about such a stupid thing like the weather.

But because you aren’t Ultra Awesome like Seagal, you have got to stop with this charade. And now you know that I’m really pissed because I only say “charade” once every three years – the last time being when Britney & Kevin: Chaotic premiered and I just knew that their love wasn’t real.

See, normal people, people like you and I – we sweat when it’s hot and we don’t like it.

The Unaffected carry on like they will get some kind of Warrior Badge for not caring that their pit stains are approaching apocalyptic sizes.

Two days ago, when we were in the midst of a heat wave, I was talking to a friend and he told me “I don’t worry about the weather, I embrace it.”

And though he kept blabbing, my mind said this to him:

Shut the fuck up.

So you’re not hot? That’s what you’re telling me? Everyone is walking around the fucking city dying to get to some air conditioning and you, Mr. Unaffected, are just feeling dandy???


I don’t fucking believe you.

You are lying to me.

I couldn’t actually say this to the guy, because you know, you’re supposed to Be Nice To People, but I just wanted to strangle him for acting like he was part of some kind of special breed of people that is above the implications of weather.

There are no Unaffected.

There are just people who walk around like assholes thinking that their claims of being fine in the hot weather will earn them some kind of respect, when in reality, all it does is make people hate them.

And point at their back sweat and laugh.


Filed under Uncategorized

53 responses to “just like the rest of us

  1. I agree. I knew a guy in college who only wore shorts, NEVER pants. I went to school in Boston and it is PAINFULLY COLD there. There is no way that dude wasn’t cold even though he swore he never was. You’re not fooling anyone, shorts guy!

  2. My neighbor across the street shovels snow In His Underpants.

    And as if that isn’t weird enough, I saw a woman walk down the street in a miniskirt and flip flops In The SNOW!!!

    I think I bought a house in an idiot colony.

  3. In all fairness, I knew a kid who wore shorts for a whole year…kind of like a bet to see if he could do it. But I’m pretty sure when the bus drove off without him and he ran a half mile through the woods in the cold to catch it at another stop (which he actually did) that he was definitely affected by the cold.

    Also, I saw a girl on Monday wearing a spaghetti strap dress and boots. BOOTS. When the temperature reaches 3 times the normal boot temp, you don’t look stylish, you look stupid.

  4. Ben

    Canucks get pretty batty at the first sign of slightly warmer temperatures after winter though. The first sign of sun brings out flip flops and shorts even if it’s still freezing. Then Darwinism gives them hypothermia and they die.

  5. Even Steven Seagal is affected by the weather. Oh how I loathe that man.

  6. Maybe “I Embrace It” dude is responsible for said weather. Maybe he finally finished the weather control ray he plans to use to bilk the feds out of billions and is just so smug with his success that he doesn’t mind sweating off a pound or two?

  7. Several years ago, my BFF and I traveled from (dehydration capital becasue it is so fucking DRY) New Mexico to Tulum Mexico. In July. And we went to go hike around some ruins in the jungle there. It was about 99 degrees and 1000% humidity in that fucking jungle, and we were sweating so much it looked like we had been swimming in the ocean. And there were these freaks of nature from Spain or somewhere in Europe walking around too. And they were completely dry. We decided they were androids, not real humans. Damn the androids for making us feel like the freaks for sweating enough to fill a small child’s pool.

  8. You forgot about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is not affected by the weather. When it gets too hot or cold for him, he punches the weather in the face and it stops being too hot or cold.

  9. i’m a girl, so among other things – i don’t sweat

    well, that and i get prescriptions for drysol so i don’t have to : )

  10. Oooh, I know a girl who says that. She clearly cares about her tall blond eyelash batting image, and she claims to like to sweat. Either she was hitting on me, or that was complete bullshit.

  11. Agreed. This heat wave has got to end.

  12. I laugh at the sweaty deniers, because, really, check out Exhibit A–your arm pits. Perhaps you should have a conversation with your sweat glands, so the two of you can get your story straight.

  13. I met a Mr. Unaffected once…I punched him in the groin and he did not fall.

  14. deutlich

    CHUCK NORRIS ALL THE WAY! Screw Seagal. He’s weird.

  15. Yours are the only posts about the weather that I read. It’s great fun. You actually whined about people not whining enough. Haha.

    I don’t trust people who don’t sweat.

  16. There was a guy at my undergrad in Minnesota who would only ever wear shorts, and almost never wore shoes. I think he only wore shoes (flip flops, rather) when it was below 0. I hated him, even though I don’t think I ever had a conversation with him.

  17. The worst is when I see someone out in a t-shirt and it’s 20 degrees out and they act all smug like it’s not cold out. Or when they are all bundled up and then they have on flip flops! WHAT THE HELL!

  18. Matt

    I feel the same way about those idiots who wear flip flops when ther’s snow out here in Colo. They say- aren’t you used to this colorado weather by now?

    No. Bitch. Snow. Is. Cold.

    Also, I think Chuck could take Segal.

  19. We get the East Coast transplants here in LA who try to prove how tough they are by wearing shorts and t-shirts when it gets down in the mid-50’s. Fuck you, you’re not cool. Go put on a goddamned sweater.

  20. Dogg

    Love the heat, I dare you bring that attitude to Greenpoint. Lets go bike to the park and throw some frisbee dammit.

  21. there’s a dude i work with who wears shorts and those adidas sandals all year round. in the winter he just throws on a coat but the sandals and shorts stay 99% of the time.

    we are in cleveland. i just don’t get it.

  22. Up until last July I had lived without air conditioning for 15 years so I feel you.

    But now we live in the douchey Pearl District and everything is 65 degrees all the time. And white.

  23. It’s such a pet peeve when people walk around with flip flops in the winter. I join you in this tirade against people who are supposedly unaffected by the weather. Eff them. Especially in the recent weather! EFF THEM!

  24. I definitely don’t pretend like I’m not affected by hot weather, but I hate it when people whine about it. I heard the words “It’s so hot…” so often the past week and each time I wanted to say, “I get it, it’s hot, we’re all hot, stop complaining.”

    Wait. Their love wasn’t real?

  25. Those people are so annoying. If you’re not hot, why are you sweating? Do you have some sort of problem? Should you see a doctor for sweating even when you’re perfectly fine? I embrace my sweat and laugh at it. Because, really, thats the only thing you can to.

  26. Chuck Norris > Steven Segal …. why? Because Chuck Norris doesn’t even have armpits to sweat. Under his arm is just another fist!

  27. I long to be affected by the weather. Long for it. Please, weather, be hot, and not cold. Because the cold makes me want to lie in a ball and cry, so I guess I am affected by the weather.

  28. getyourfreakon

    I think all the Unaffected should move to where they can embrace the heat 24/7.

    They can all go to Hell.

  29. GlitterGirl

    I really thought this was a great opportunity for you to say: “these unaffected jackasses are always doing something jackassy…”

  30. And those assholes are dating the mysterious New York City women who don’t get pit stains.

  31. Glad to know that my always being a sweaty, complaining disaster will not anger you as much as Mr Unaffected

  32. those are also the type of people who want you to punch them in the stomach as hard as you can and insist it doesn’t hurt.

    ass hats, the lot of them.

  33. arielle – If you see him again, punch him in the face.

    kristen – Really??? In his underwear? That is creepy.

    stealthnerd – Well said.

    ben – Poor, poor Canadians.

    ashley – You take that back!!!

    justin – I think you nailed it.

    sassy – They were definetly androids. You should have threw a magnet at them to see if it stuck. Because they’re metal. I don’t know. I’ve been busy today.

    ashley – I am not a fan of Norris. I know, I apologize, but it’s true.

    jenny – And you don’t fart either, right?

    megan – She was hitting on you! Sorry, I can’t think any other way being a man and all.

    emma – Some day. Some day we’ll all be free.

    sarah – Hahaha – exactly!

    rs27 – I don’t think they even have groins.

    deutlich – Weird as in Awesome? Yes.

    lisa – Thanks! And you shouldn’t. They are up to no good.

    mindy – He deserved to be hated.

    lissa – I agree.

    matt – No way man. Seagal would kill Norris.

    harry – Damn right man. Fucking idiots.

    dogg – Greenpoint ain’t got nothin’ on Clinton Hill!

    alexa – Man, those fucking Adidas things are terrible!

    kiala – I fucking hate white people.

    jessica – Yes! We are a team! Should we get matching shirts or something? I look good in green.

    arjewtino – Yeah, they can be bad as well. And no! Don’t be fooled!

    lauren – Hahaha – right.

    mental – No way. Seagal doesn’t even need fancy sayings about his toughness because he is just that tough.

    melissa – My heart is sad thinking of you laying in a ball and crying. Lying? Fuck. I know you already wrote about that!

    getyourfreakon – You have many good ideas.

    glittergirl – Dammit! You’re right!

    noelle – Bunch of bitches.

    narm – It never would.

    gina – Yes!

  34. They EMBRACE the weather?
    What is that kind of fuckery? I call bullshit.

    Drop ’em in a desert and see how they “embrace” that.

  35. Wierdos.

    I hate this weather. I sweat. It sucks.

  36. people that “embrace” extremes make me nervous.

  37. UTP

    Seagal…fan I suppose…I personally call him the fly-squatter cos thats what he REALLY does…

  38. Matt

    Chuck trained with Bruce Lee. How can that be beat by someone who sports a pony tail?

  39. nancypearlwannabe

    I have kids at school wearing zip up hoodies and jackets when it’s 97 degrees in the classrooms. So either they are unaffected by the weather or they are just idiotic teenagers. Take your pick.

  40. I have a neighbor who always walks outside wearing a hat and jacket. Even in 80 degree weather. It makes me mad. I want to know why but I’m afraid to ask.

  41. UGHHHHHH I hate the weather. Can’t it just be a comfortable 75 degrees, no humidity, every day?

  42. megkathleen

    You should feel sorry for them – they obviously have low self-esteem. They’re just trying to prove how manly they are. You should reach out to them, it’s their weird way of asking for help.

  43. Oh so true! When I lived in Boston, some college kids would walk around in flip flops when there was at least 6 inches of snow on the ground, in the dead of winter. What’s wrong with people?!

  44. The hubby acts like he doesn’t care that it’s raining, while opt for more of a “sprinting to the car while I scream at him to unlock the doors” method. I want to kick him the balls for being slow, but writhing on the ground prevents one from unlocking a car.

  45. DC is my Manhattan

    Please don’t hurt me for saying this but, I heart me some heat. Walking outside and feeling your skin sizzle as you walk to the car…sigh…awesome. And once you’ve reached maximum sweatiness and crispiness, entering a AC cooled room…heaven. Plus, you can sleep nekkid and not be cold. 😉

  46. The heat can suck it.

  47. i wore flip flops in the snow, that’s my weather story for the day.

  48. It’s too bad you don’t have strong reactions to anything.

  49. Anybody not affected by this heat must be dead. But even then, they’d decompose.

  50. JessNYC

    Ok, I totally know what you mean. It’s even worse when I’m sweating, sticky, and most likely shiny in 90% humidity and 36 degrees celcius and see a tall, skinny model carrying a portfolio and looking like she has some individual air conditioning going on, b/c there is not one DROP of sweat, her skin isn’t shiny, and she just looks gorgeous. Further (scientific) proof that models=aliens.

    That’s all. 🙂

  51. I hate that! There was this chick I went to college with and that byatch used to wear a bubble coat, sandals and a mini-skirt everyday during the winter…and then have the audacity to complain that it was cold! Bitch, if you put on some damn clothes during the winter like normal people yo ass wouldn’t be so damn cold! Then she wanted to wear jeans and long sleeve shirts in the summer time! Umm, McFly, what part of Boston are you from, witcho reversed seasons?

  52. agreed. like i wear flip flops in the winter, but it’s not b/c I dont notice or care about the snow… I’m just too lazy to dig out another pair of shoes.

  53. big time – I like how you think.

    melissa – Yes.

    brookem – Hahaha – good point.

    utp – You are insane! I’m telling him you said that.

    matt – It can be beat by a Master 6th Degree Black Belt in Aikido. That’s how.

    nancypearl – I go with the latter.

    freeandflawed – Don’t be afraid!

    angela – Yes, that would be great. And I’d also like a never ending supply of money. Provided by a dragon.

    megkathleen – But I don’t like being nice!

    marie – I have no idea.

    rachel – Or having sex.

    dc – Hmmm… okay, anything naked is alright with me.

    mickey – Well said man, well said.

    katelin – You’re weird.

    jen – Hahaha – that was an awesome comment. Nice, very nice.

    hahasound – Either way we get rid of them.

    jess – I totally agree.

    lboogie – Hahaha – I loved this: Bitch, if you put on some damn clothes during the winter like normal people yo ass wouldn’t be so damn cold!

    maxie – Well, laziness is okay with me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s