I hate when people act like they’re not affected by the weather.
You know, those people who walk around in the dead of winter in shorts and during the summer claim that they actually enjoy sweating enough to frighten small children.
If you’re a human and you Live In The World, then you are affected by the goddamn weather, okay?
There is no way you aren’t. Unless you’re Steven Seagal. Because I’m pretty sure Seagal isn’t ever hot or cold because he’s just too busy Kicking Ass to worry about such a stupid thing like the weather.
But because you aren’t Ultra Awesome like Seagal, you have got to stop with this charade. And now you know that I’m really pissed because I only say “charade” once every three years – the last time being when Britney & Kevin: Chaotic premiered and I just knew that their love wasn’t real.
See, normal people, people like you and I – we sweat when it’s hot and we don’t like it.
The Unaffected carry on like they will get some kind of Warrior Badge for not caring that their pit stains are approaching apocalyptic sizes.
Two days ago, when we were in the midst of a heat wave, I was talking to a friend and he told me “I don’t worry about the weather, I embrace it.”
And though he kept blabbing, my mind said this to him:
Shut the fuck up.
So you’re not hot? That’s what you’re telling me? Everyone is walking around the fucking city dying to get to some air conditioning and you, Mr. Unaffected, are just feeling dandy???
I don’t fucking believe you.
You are lying to me.
I couldn’t actually say this to the guy, because you know, you’re supposed to Be Nice To People, but I just wanted to strangle him for acting like he was part of some kind of special breed of people that is above the implications of weather.
There are no Unaffected.
There are just people who walk around like assholes thinking that their claims of being fine in the hot weather will earn them some kind of respect, when in reality, all it does is make people hate them.
And point at their back sweat and laugh.