victory

On Friday, a couple of friends and I went out after work for happy hour.

We went to a place in Murray Hill, which is an area of the city crawling with young professionals who think they are cooler than they really are.

After about an hour, a tall model-type woman approached the three of us, and just started rambling. She thought that because she was hot, she was able to act like a total bitch and patronize us.

She didn’t know who she was dealing with.

Tall Stupid Model Woman: [Looking at none of us, in a Stupid Accent] “Hello. Do you work around here?”

[The three of us look at each other, and I wait for the single guy I’m with to give it a go]

Single Guy: “Yeah, right over on Madison and 32nd.”

Tall Stupid Model Woman: [Still not looking at anyone, and making it obvious that she was not impressed] “Oh. Where is that?”

Me: [Pointing in the direction of our building] “It’s right over there.”

[I’m already annoyed that she has not looked at one of us yet]

Tall Stupid Model Woman: “And what do you do there?”

Me: “We write about advertising.”

Tall Stupid Model Woman: [Sighs with obvious disinterest] “Oh. Does that pay a lot?”

[We laugh a little because of how bitchy that was, and my anger grows]

Me: “Uh, it pays enough. And what do you do?”

[I’m glaring at her now]

Tall Stupid Model Woman: [Raising her eyebrows] “I do not work.”

Me: [Laughing at her] “Oh, right. Of course you don’t. And how do you pay your bills?”

Tall Stupid Model Woman: [Looks up into the sky] “I have no bills.”

[We all start laughing now]

Me: [Throwing my hands in the air] “Oh! You have no bills?” [Turning to the crowd of people on the roof deck] “This woman has no bills! None!”

Me: [Thinking it’s time to really have some fun] “So you have no bills. You’re not real, is what you’re telling me. So where do you live?”

Tall Stupid Model Woman: “I grew up in Brooklyn.”

Me: [Throwing my hands in the air once again, and yelling] “Nope! No you didn’t! You’re telling me that you grew up in Brooklyn and you don’t know where Madison Avenue is??? No. No, you did not grow up in Brooklyn.”

[She grows red and tries to shrug it off by starting to say something else]

Me: [Cutting her off] “So I just met a woman who has no bills and grew up in Brooklyn but has no idea where Madison Avenue is??? This must be my lucky day! Thank you! Thank you so much for talking with us today!”

At this point, she turns around and leaves. We are all laughing our asses off and the bouncer who was behind us the entire time is just shaking his head.

I think I won one for all the men out there that have been shit on by women who dupe them into doing Stupid Things just because they are hot.

Not on Friday.

On Friday the Normal Dudes won and the Hot Women lost.

Don’t make me have to do it again.

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50 Comments

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50 responses to “victory

  1. Ben

    I applaud your ability to blatantly reduce those who overestimate their own importance. We need more people like you. Although maybe not TOO many more.

  2. You’ve not only done normal guys a service, but society as a whole. I applaud you.

  3. deutlich

    Ugh. What a damn douche.. and I would’ve done something equally asinine had the roles been reversed.

    Except I’d probably have thrown in a few curse words for affect. I tend to go from calm to pissed in .06 seconds and I LOATHE stupid shit like that.

  4. Ok, that’s it, you’re my hero. You came up with great responses to her idiotic questions/answers right on the spot. I would have just stood there with my mouth wide open that someone could be such a lame dunce and then much later thought of good comebacks.

  5. Bwhahahahaha!

    You’re my favorite.

    I so want to say something witty and interesting but I’ve got nothin’ and I’m sorry.

  6. That’s the most spectacular thing I’ve heard in awhile. Well done.

  7. Matt

    Men 1, Hot chicks 0.

  8. No bills? She’s off the grid, feel free to do away with her.

  9. Simply put, you are the man! Because of you, I feel much more like a man then I did 3 minutes ago. Thank you my friend! I am not sure I have ever wanted to do that but now that you have, even if I did, I wouldnt have to. I appreciate all you did for me on friday. It was one small step for man but one giant leap for mankind! Haha! You really are the man!

  10. Thanks for putting down skinny bitches who don’t eat.

  11. I like it, but I wish you had kept her going for at least a few more quotes. I want her to explain herself. I guess that isn’t the point, but I’m still curious.

  12. We should hook her up with a guy I met once who approached me and said, “I have more money than you’d know what to do with.”

    I bet those two would have a really intellectually stimulating conversation. Or maybe just really bad sex. Either way, they sound compatible.

  13. I wear shoes and dresses sometimes, and I like the color green but not as much as I like the color yellow or red.

    Sometimes my lips get chapped.

    See what I did there? I was blathering on about nothing because I. AM. HOT.

  14. J

    That actually sounds kind of rude to me. I’ve had boyfriends pay my bills, and I don’t think that makes me a bad person.

    What’s weird is, why did she approach you anyway?

  15. Marcos

    Damn dude, that’s harsh. I hate people who try and rank you according to where you work and how much you make. I’ve been to art show openings and been attacked by poeple who think that they are really cool and want to know if you’re cool enough to be there. I don’t have it in me to be rude though.

    Was the bouncer shaking his head at how dumb the woman was or how you punked her?

  16. I wish you could come to WV and do that to a few assholes I know. Maybe you could videotape yourself doing it on youtube and I will just sit them down and make them watch it.

  17. I’d have had a lot more respect for her if, when you asked what she did, she was just honest and said “Um, I’m hot.”

    Of course, that hot thing won’t last forever, and one day she’ll either find herself turning tricks for rent money or, if she managed to squirrel away enough cash while she still had her looks, she’ll become the next Jocelyn Wildenstein.

  18. You should teach courses on how to not be coerced by boobies.

  19. I do this every weekend.

    Girls don’t like me.

  20. ben – Yeah, too many would probably be a problem.

    liz – Thanks! I am trying to fight the good fight.

    deutlich – I’m actually surprised looking back on it that I didn’t swear. Usually I do.

    marie – Beer. Beer always helps with that.

    kristen – That was good enough.

    stealthnerd – Thank you!

    matt – Damn right.

    rachel – You gave the order, so I will.

    verb – Well thank you. Though I do think The Man is Robocop.

    allison – One of my favorite things to do.

    megan – That’s the thing – she didn’t try to explain anything. I cut the conversation a little short here, but trust me, she just sat there multiple times and didn’t say a fucking word.

    mindy – Really bad sex sounds like punishment enough.

    melissa – Nice. You’re a genius.

    j – Did you read the entire exchange? I was only rude to her once she was rude to us. And I have no idea why she came up to us – that’s the point – she was just doing it to be a bitch, she didn’t really want to talk to us.

    marcos – The bouncer was agreeing with us. He was awesome.

    maxie – Lets do it!

    justin – Exactly.

    nicole – Thank you. Cookies?

    narm – It’s simple dude: Get a girlfriend and then you don’t worry about boobies anymore because you have a pair waiting at home.

    rs – Well I like you. How about that?

  21. That’s pretty awesome, I wish I was there to witness. Being in a bar totally gives you license to be rude to strangers and as a fellow person who maximizes that opportunity, I salute you.

  22. I just wanted to say it was really rude of you guys to laugh in my face like that. I just have trouble making eye contact because I’m so terribly shy, probably as a result of being locked in my parents’ basement throughout my childhood in Brooklyn. Also explains why I don’t know where one would find Madison Ave.

    Should I ever run into you in the future, I hope you will take a moment to appreciate my shiny hair and simple sentences.

    Fondly,
    The Hot Girl

  23. She has no bills? She doesn’t know addresses…It’s not nice to make fun of people that live in cardboard boxes.

  24. Sometimes I don’t pay bills. But I totally know where Madison Ave. is.

  25. Nothing makes me angrier than people that aren’t real about anything. Good for you…it’s time for stupid people to realize their own immaturity. And, also, laugh openly at them.

  26. pursuitofyourboyfriend

    Ha! That is so awesome.

    Love, a hot girl that has bills… lots of them. Wasn’t Madison Avenue a musical group?

  27. Rachel

    Can I go with you next time? I’ll even buy a drink for her so she’ll stay longer!

  28. Congrats on the win!

    Enjoy it, because it’s not often that men get to win against women… but this woman was SO stupid and snobby and bitchy that it isn’t much of a win.

    Funny, though! 😀

  29. Thank You! Seriously… Thank You!

  30. Why did she even come up to you in the first place if she was just gonna act like a cow, that’s what I don’t get!!! Wouldn’t the bitchy hard-to-get approach work slightly more effectively if SHE was approached in the first place??? I find it a bit odd. . .

  31. i have this problem with strangers at a bar coming up to me and interrupting my conversation with my group. butting in and then being pompous about it.

    i have no tolerance for it. zero.

    you did a good thing chris. a VERY good thing.

  32. What an obnoxious woman.

    I just laughed my ass off. Thank you for that. I applaud the Normal Dudes of Friday for winning one for all of us.

    You should have thrown your drink on her too!

  33. arielle – I figured you’d appreciate it.

    hollywood – Hahaha – I may give you a second chance. But first you have to have sex with my single friend.

    meghan – You’re right. I am mean. But that is part of my charm.

    noelle – Which is why you’re good.

    lindz – That’s right!

    pursuit – Yes they were! +245 for you!

    rachel – You are always welcome.

    jen – Thanks! I know, this is why I have to make sure any dudes who read this blog know that it is possible.

    mental – No need to thank me, it is now you’re turn!

    paula – She just really was that much of a bitch.

    alexa – I think we both can rid these people from our lives.

    twink – Thanks! I try my best. No way would’ve I wasted a drink on that woman though.

  34. Most dudes would have just handed her their wallet.

    Good job.

  35. I think I probably would’ve thrown a drink on her, just so she could have a bill. For dry cleaning.

  36. Ack, I hate people who think they’re so important. You should have asked her how she paid for the drink she was probably drinking. Or the cab home. Or what she does during the day.

  37. Hilarious.

    I hope she tripped on her stiletto and broke a toe.

  38. megkathleen

    I can’t get past the fact that a random girl walked up to you and basically asked how much money you made. I can’t think of anything witty to say…I just can’t get past it…it’s so weird.

  39. I bet if she killed herself and the suicide note read “I just wanted a kind word,” you would feel pretty bad about yourself.

  40. um, yeah, that was me.

  41. that was surreal. i was waiting for you to say that you’ll realize that she was blind and homeless because she can’t seem to focus her eyes on something and that she has no bills.

  42. JK

    You Are Amazing!

  43. yes. that is awesome.

  44. Such women give us all a bad name. Also, I thought I would tell you that I’m enjoying your blog- even though you do not love my grandparents.

  45. I love happy hour, especially on Fridays.

    The thing I don’t get is why are there so many of these people? Are they manufactured because there are just so many?

  46. HA HA HA HA HA

    Ok, now that was just funny.

    1 for Chris.

  47. What a strange lady. Meh.

    Since I don’t like in Brooklyn, do I have to know where Madison avenue is?

  48. kiala – Thanks!

    j-money – And that is why you’re more clever than me.

    lauren – But then I would’ve had to keep talking to her.

    yourgirlfriend – As do I.

    megkathleen – I know!

    fort knocks – Maybe, but then I’d start watching Sportscenter and forget about the whole thing.

    kelly – You are much meaner in person.

    gladys – It was like a dream. A very bad one.

    jk – Thanks! Now you and my Mom have said that.

    katelin – It was pretty fun.

    brandy – Thanks! And it’s only because they never send me birthday cards anymore.

    luthy – Yeah – like some giant factory full of crappy people.

    lboogie – Yes. And 1 for you too.

    nuttycow – Nope!

  49. Very awesome 🙂

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